Can you put people off merely by your "aura"

[dmmm]

Hi

 

I'm so down right now.

 

I'm a loner, always have been.

 

I just get the feeling that people instantly don't want to talk to me.

 

I'm almost a recluse so it's not like I meet a lot of people. But when I do it just seems there is a tension in the air, that they just don't want to talk to me. I try my best to make conversion (using my very limited people skills) but it just goes dead very fast.

 

I know I am awkward with people. I also just don't know what to say most times.

 

I get the impression that when I'm with people they may make exceptions for me being there but really I'm not missed. I'm really short too which I think adds to this idea that people make an exception for me being there.

 

I want to volunteer maybe at a charity shop or something to build on my confidence and social skills but just think I would bring the place down. Or even just not get offered the job.

 

I can't do sports to meet people as I have some health problems. I have pretty much no hobbies that would involve people, besides like I say, I put people off.

 

Luckily I have a good investment income which means basically I don't have to work. This lets me just sit in my house.. hour after hour, day after day.

 

I used to chat to a lot of people online. But the last few years it's become almost impossible to actually meet people online just to chat (e.g. not meet for a date etc). So I'm left with nobody to talk to as the old online friends move on with their life.

 

I'm just in such a rut and can not see it ending. I'm in my mid 20's and this is how I see the rest of my life. Lonely.

[Pompom]

The simple answer is, yes. I've worked as a bartender and in other very up-close-and-personal jobs and even the best looking people could freak me out. They had something about them, a glint in their eyes, or a subtly flexed facial muscle, or something they radiated from within, that said "Steer clear". Usually I was right and when engaging them, or responding to them, they turned out to be total psychos, or angry, or under the influence of something.

2 people can look and dress exactly the same and still elicit different reactions or cause different feelings.

[TaraMaiden]

gals claim this to eliminate unattractive guys

 

 

Suuure they do....

[mercy]

Hi

 

I'm so down right now.

 

I'm a loner, always have been.

 

I just get the feeling that people instantly don't want to talk to me.

 

I'm almost a recluse so it's not like I meet a lot of people. But when I do it just seems there is a tension in the air, that they just don't want to talk to me. I try my best to make conversion (using my very limited people skills) but it just goes dead very fast.

 

I know I am awkward with people. I also just don't know what to say most times.

 

I get the impression that when I'm with people they may make exceptions for me being there but really I'm not missed. I'm really short too which I think adds to this idea that people make an exception for me being there.

 

I want to volunteer maybe at a charity shop or something to build on my confidence and social skills but just think I would bring the place down. Or even just not get offered the job.

 

I can't do sports to meet people as I have some health problems. I have pretty much no hobbies that would involve people, besides like I say, I put people off.

 

Luckily I have a good investment income which means basically I don't have to work. This lets me just sit in my house.. hour after hour, day after day.

 

I used to chat to a lot of people online. But the last few years it's become almost impossible to actually meet people online just to chat (e.g. not meet for a date etc). So I'm left with nobody to talk to as the old online friends move on with their life.

 

I'm just in such a rut and can not see it ending. I'm in my mid 20's and this is how I see the rest of my life. Lonely.

 

We attract 'like' people. So you are going to attract whatever energy you give off.

 

If you are in a rut here is a great site that can hook you up with organizations needing volunteers in your area.

 

Giving of oneself, your time, your energy to another human being can be life changing. It does more for you than it does the one you're giving to.

 

HandsOn Connect | HandsOn Network

Edited August 19, 2012 by mercy

[carhill]

OP, if you're in your mid-20's and essentially retired, you're in a very miniscule percentage of the population. My advice would be to spend a bit of that income and work with a professional to examine your 'aura' and explore ways of growing it to a place more satisfying to yourself and attractive to other people.

 

I'll also co-sign the volunteer suggestion. Focus on the work and let your aura of care about the work emanate to those around you and see where that goes. Good luck.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I have the opposite problem. People always think that I look friendly and approachable. It is an issue when I am in a hurry. I am always stopped and asked for time, for directions, for anything. I literally can't walk a stretch of few 100 ms in the city without getting stopped. And that is with my ipod and headphones on too.. Keep in mind, those are not guys that hit on me. But women, children, older people.

 

An older lady told me that I have "kind eyes". I AM very kind and gentle.

 

I guess I give off harmless and non-threatening vibe. I am not sure. It certainly is possible to give off an aura.

[quankanne]

there's definitely a vibe you pick up when you're around people, some kind of energy that they set off that either attracts or repels you. If you're shy (and I'm thinking you fall under that description, dmmm), that's the vibe they feel, and most folks don't want to scare you off or do anything to make you feel uncomfortable.

 

I can hold my own in groups of people ... as long as I know someone there. Otherwise I get tongue-tied, and it's kind of awkward. Yep, even for chatty old me! But a trick I've developed is to think of a dear friend of mine who is completely gregarious and has never, ever met a stranger in her life (think pure Southern hospitality, and you've got my friend Eileen, LOL) ... this woman can be put in a room full of strangers, and she'll strike up a conversation and have made several new friends by the time she leaves, it's just amazing. So yeah, when I get tongue-tied, I channel Eileen's friendly spirit and it becomes a bit easier to talk to people I don't know.

 

is there anyone you admire who is like this, that you can model yourself after, as far as coming out of your shy shell? Also, you hit on a fantastic idea when you talk about volunteer work ~ the quickest way to ease into a social scene is to surround yourself with people who have similar interests because it gives you something to bond over.

[robaday]

I used to be exactly the same and know exactly where you are coming from. Do you fear/or are jealous of people more outgoing than you when in social situations? I know I was when younger.

 

A lot of it is to do with your mentality - you think that everyone is looking at you when you walk into a bar/or social place. But really theyre not. Its this false idea about your place in the world that proves so dificult to overcome. Overcoming it is about realising that everyone else has their own shxxt as well. Its about walking into that place and being in control of yourself and open to everything around you as opposed to closed off worried about the aura you give off.

 

The title of your thread speaks volumes - it shows your mentality. Your thinking that your aura puts people off is actually what puts them off. Whereas if you werent worried about what you look like/what aura your giving off, they wouldnt be put off. Counter intuitive hey?

 

There are some very cool people in history who were mysterious, distant, and shy. It would be worth looking at them. That shyness can be used to your benefit - people are fascinated by mystery, people who they can never quite grasp. Read Robert Greens essay on Andy Warhol - even though I cant really like Warhol as a person its fascinating how he turned his social awkwardness into something where people begged for his attention.

 

When I got to about 25, after thinking i was completely messed up for having such paralysing social anxiety, i began just talking to people. anyone really. old people i was sitting next to on the train. people in the shop when i was buying milk. people outside libraries. people fundraising for charities. and especially women;) and ya know, after a while i realised that there was nothing intimidating about them, they were just as clueless and refreshingly human as me;)

[whichwayisup]

Start off slow. Why not voluteer with children? An after school program, or facility that hosts sports games for young ones. It'll be fun and exciting, playful and easy going, no real pressure for you to 'connect' on a personal level.. It'll help you self confidence and give you positive energy. Being around kids lifts anybody's spirits.

 

Each day you challenge yourself. When grocery shopping, just talk to people casually, smile and say hello. Or make eye contact with a woman, smile and wink, then walk away..Just for fun. The smallest steps can build up your confidence level.

[dmmm]

Hi everyone, thanks for the replies.

 

 

Robaday, Yeah that’s exactly as I am, fearing outgoing people. Just fearing people in general, that they may speak to me.

 

 

It’s reassuring to know there are/were people like me.I just wish I could even say hello to people in shops, even t the checkout. I just stad there looking uncomfortable.

[lino]

You say you just sit at home all day? I'd get extremely bored with that very quickly.

 

How about getting a job? I've met a couple of my closest friends and many great acquaintances through the jobs I've had over the years.

I think a lot of great socializing can happen in the workplace.

 

On the topic of aura... Even when I come across somebody with a very off-putting one, I give that person a chance to present themselves.

 

A dead set wanker is easy enough to spot after a few minutes of seeing how they talk & act.

[NamelessOne]

Yea I think your energy does completely affect how people relate you. Lately I have been going out trying to improve my confidence with tlaking to people (girls especially) and I find that people are VERY receptive to your current mood. If I am feeling great and happy this mood is reciprocated. To me it is an emotional form of harmonic resonance akin to that which is found in physics.

Edited August 22, 2012 by NamelessOne

[dollface07]

Why don't you busy yourself in a doctoral program then you will feel you are accomplishing something even though you are being a bit reclusive the goal is not to make such a dramatic change to your life but a gradual one if you study you'll get out of the house sometimes to attend classes but you can stay at home to work on your assignments...you may occasionally have to do some group work but nothing too overwhelming.

 

 

as for the aura YES people can be repelled by your aura, some religious people i've heard call it a "spirit of rejection" I am not religious but I believe in a power higher than myself...I am not a psychic but I "feel" people's energy without having to know them or even touch them just being in the same room with them. I have "seen" auras on people and felt negative energy even before the person walked though the front door...I am not trying to convince you of any special abilities i may have but you wouldnt be asking this question is you yourself didnt feel you're giving off some sort of vibe.

 

Your vibe is not entirely your fault (you may have associated yourself with negative people or places for an extended length of time) but now that you have started to get some confirmation of how your energy may effect others you can do something about it...remedying this energy issue is an entirely individual process there is no orthodox way dont pay anyone money though for any of those chakra balancing aura cleansing process things...only you yourself can sort your energy issue out it comes from within as cliche as it may sound. When you finally sort yourself all out you will be better able to discern negativity (people, places) and steer clear of it so that it wont influence you as much in the future.

 

sometimes i wish i didn't "feel" so much it's draining but these hyper senses do serve the world for the better as long as they are used in an effective way...

 

also dont rely too heavily on anything anyone else tells you learn to trust your own self, instincts and emotions...emotions are not always bad they are there to call your attention to something...or to take action about something so the emotions you are experiencing now which come across as despondence, fear about the future, rejection and alienation are all there to serve a function for you at this stage of your life.

 

please be careful about social isolation though read about Emile Durkheim ideas about social integration and how he links social isolation to an increased propensity toward suicide and other negative mental health outcomes...this can motivate you into the action needed by the attention your emotions have already created for your life.

 

Good Luck!

[GravityMan]

The simple answer is, yes. I've worked as a bartender and in other very up-close-and-personal jobs and even the best looking people could freak me out. They had something about them, a glint in their eyes, or a subtly flexed facial muscle, or something they radiated from within, that said "Steer clear". Usually I was right and when engaging them, or responding to them, they turned out to be total psychos, or angry, or under the influence of something.

2 people can look and dress exactly the same and still elicit different reactions or cause different feelings.

 

This is correct. And many people...even young kids...can usually sense immediately that something is "off" about a particular person, even if that person appears to look and act normal. It's a biological, survival animal instinct that humans possess. This is a very good thing, IMO. Things outside a person's perceived "norm" are significantly more likely to make that person uncomfortable.

 

If you know that you're projecting an aura that makes others uncomfortable, that can be worked on and corrected, but it is difficult and takes time. The older you are, the tougher it will be.