Surrealist Posted November 10, 2010 Share Posted November 10, 2010 As I think about how I feel about myself, I think, well I actually know, that I have very low self-esteem, yet at the same time, I don't feel so bad about my self-image? Does that make sense to anyone? I like to keep pretty fit and go to the gym and dress pretty well, good hygiene, groomed etc. I do have a liittle more fat on me and not tanned like in my profile pic but comparatively, to that of general society, I feel like I look pretty good. If this is self-imiage then I don't feel it is bad, though it could be better it is no life-altering problem. However my self-esteem is pretty wrecked. I have a lot of trouble with good social skills in a lot of situations (though I hasten to add not all situations). For example, for some reason I have incredibly difficulties getting a job, or getting a promotion, and relevant to this website, getting dates or just generally getting women. I feel like I am undeserving of being treated well in these aspects of life - I guess. It obviously has affected my life, both in terms of my relatioinships with people, particularly the opposite sex and my ability to progress my career and finances. Quick Stats I'm 40 years old. Was married for 8 years - divorce pending. No other intimate relationship my whole life. No kids - fortunately I think. Currently work full-time in the public service - thankfully! Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted November 10, 2010 Share Posted November 10, 2010 (edited) Funny you should post this...I was just about to create a thread about this because I was thinking about this on my walk home from the gym after a few people commented in my last thread about me lacking confidence or self-esteem... I think pretty highly of myself as an individual, completely independent of dating and relationships...I have a lot going for me and am confident in who I am...but at the same time I don't feel like what I am is what women want... So if you're talking about self-confidence...the stuff that you feel about yourself as an individual person, I feel like I'm oozing with it, but if you're talking about confidence you exude to others as a romantic partner, then I might be a little lacking...I feel like there is a distinction between the two...just like you distinguished between self-esteem and self-image... To put it simply: alone as an individual, I feel pretty good about myself...but if you ask how I feel about myself as a potential relationship partner, I feel a bit more bleh... Edited November 10, 2010 by USMCHokie Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted November 10, 2010 Share Posted November 10, 2010 I think anyone who was married for eight years and is going through a divorce would have their self esteem torn to bits. I know I would. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surrealist Posted November 10, 2010 Author Share Posted November 10, 2010 I think anyone who was married for eight years and is going through a divorce would have their self esteem torn to bits. I know I would. Yeah that is contributing as well, but this divorce is completely amicable on both sides. We have actually remained good friends, and when I say friends it is strictly friends only. Also the divorce is mutually agreed and as such neither of us hold any hard feelings toward each other. But still it does have some adverse impact no doubt and I appreciate your post nontheless. Hokie thanks for the post there, you add another dynamic to what I posted and interesting to read. Link to post Share on other sites
KraftDinner Posted November 10, 2010 Share Posted November 10, 2010 EXCELLENT question. I had the very same discussion with a friend recently. And I think the answer is a resounding YES. We were talking about someone we know who is extremely comfortable in her skin, walks around in a bikini (despite not having an amazing body), and appears confident with her looks, but who is in an emotionally abusive relationship in which she is treated like crap. I was arguing that her self-esteem is not tied to her body image... they are two separate things. She has low self-esteem but high self-image. So great question, and yes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Surrealist Posted November 10, 2010 Author Share Posted November 10, 2010 EXCELLENT question. I had the very same discussion with a friend recently. And I think the answer is a resounding YES. We were talking about someone we know who is extremely comfortable in her skin, walks around in a bikini (despite not having an amazing body), and appears confident with her looks, but who is in an emotionally abusive relationship in which she is treated like crap. I was arguing that her self-esteem is not tied to her body image... they are two separate things. She has low self-esteem but high self-image. So great question, and yes. Wow interesting! Link to post Share on other sites
lululucy Posted November 10, 2010 Share Posted November 10, 2010 I am very similar! When I think logically about it I can sound quite narcissistic, and gain a lot of rolled eyes from those friends I choose to say these things to. Things like how I can't imagine being stupid, how difficult that would be, or how different life would be if I were ugly/couldn't dance/couldn't flirt/etc etc. I do think I'm beautiful and intelligent and I can hold my own. Buuuuut I also feel like crap about myself 75% of the time, I'm with a guy who has cheated on me and generally done things that I swore I'd never let someone do, and I can't stick up for myself about it. I just feel like I know he loves me to death and I don't know if I love him but will anybody else love me like that? I wonder if this is incredibly common, it sure sounds like it! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts