Vampiress Posted June 16, 2003 Share Posted June 16, 2003 Hello, Ok as I can see people here really do listen. Thats a good thing. Ok I'm 20 and I live with a guy that I have recently come to terms that I'm in love with him. We have been seeing each other since September, I recently moved in on the first week of May. (Kinda soon?) I have never told him how I feel about him. I think that it will make me vulnerable to him and somehow make me the a weaker person. We both know we care a lot for each other, but I don't know why we can't go past that. He went to California to work and I was thinking that that this could be a good time for us to get closer. In an odd way but, I think that when you have something all the time you really don't notice what you have, until you don't have it? Did that make sense? Ok well he does tell me that he misses me and then I go and mess it all up by telling him that he's a liar and what not. I always question him and his motives. I want to stop doing that and tell him how I feel but not make myself vulnerable to him. Is there anyway I can do this slowly or transition my words and actions to eventually stop questioning him and to tell him how I feel? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 16, 2003 Share Posted June 16, 2003 YOU ASK: "Is there anyway I can do this slowly or transition my words and actions to eventually stop questioning him and to tell him how I feel?" Yes, why not just try not questioning him. This guy isn't going to hang around you for long if you keep calling him a liar when he says he misses you. I think this is the day you ought to pick to grow up and get some manners. If you don't like the guy, tell him to get lost. But if you do like the guy and he tells you he misses you and cares about you, at least tell him "thank you, that means a lot to me." And if you really care about this guy, say "Thank you...and I feel the same." At your earliest opportunity tell him how you feel. You need to learn to take risks in this world...and least now demean the people who care about you. Tell him that you love him and that he means a lot to you. Perhaps you are just too embarassed to express yourself. That's OK. It's time you learned how to respect other people's feeling and not put them down or question them. For God's sake, don't call them a liar. There's almost nothing that could hurt a person who cares about them more...and make them feel like a stupid fool...that to have the person they just got up enough courage to tell them they care tell them they are a liar. YUK!!! I think you should apologize to him for doing that in the past and let him know you did it out of fear and out of not knowing exactly how to respond. If you are unsure of how to deal with various aspects of this situation, talk to an older friend or person you trust. But stop jerking this guy's feelings around. You will learn one day that there aren't a lot of sincere people out there and while you have one around that you care about you better put a lot of value on them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vampiress Posted June 16, 2003 Author Share Posted June 16, 2003 It's not that I questioning him because I think he's a liar. I do it cause I don't know, how someone could miss me. I was with this guy once and he tole me that he loved me all the time and when we broke up he told me that he never loved me and that the only reason he told me was because he thought it would be funny. He thought this was funny!! I know i shouldn't think that about everybody but everytime he tells me something I can't help but remember when that other guy told me that I am just a joke. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vampiress Posted June 16, 2003 Author Share Posted June 16, 2003 I dont have older friends or anyone to talk to. This is all I've got. thanks you "guys" Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted June 16, 2003 Share Posted June 16, 2003 The only way you are going to have more mature relationships is to be more mature yourself. If you have some self esteem problems that cause you to doubt what others say to you - then be honest about that. Apologize to the guy and tell him why you said what you did -- that you feel a bit insecure because of a past relationship and don't want to be hurt that way again. Understand that this man may be unsure of making a verbal commitment to you too, perhaps because of his own romantic past--maybe he was hurt before too. you can't pressure someone into feeling what you want them to feel when you want them to feel it. Tell him that too so that he understands you don't mean to put him in a corner. Accept the fact that he does feel something for you and appreciate it. It's sometimes embarassing to admit our feelings -- at any age or stage of a relationship, which is another reason we should go slowly. Communicate with him and try not to take his hesitation or the fact that he is going slowly as a personal affront to you. It's not too late to tell him these things, and most important - it's not too late for you to learn from the mistakes you feel you have made with him. If this relationship works out long-term for you - great. But if it does not then look at it as a step toward a more mature and honest relationship the next time. Link to post Share on other sites
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