Dawnster Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 I met this, wonderful, gorgeous, talented, 25 year old guy online. We're only 4 years apart and get along well, most of the time. He's 600 miles away and we met IRL about a year ago. He has an opiate addiction. Methadone, and Valium are the main two. Also, I am and have been fighting depression since I was 13(many reasons as to why, from child molestation to nearly losing a father and fighting an ongoing battle with his worsening conditions). And believe in clean recovery from it, even though it's always been an ongoing battle, I decided long ago to not touch prescriptions to deal with ones problems. I'm trying to keep an open mind, and sort of moved in with he and his parents about 3 months ago, in the hopes that he and I could get our priorities in order and move out. For he was living on his own for years only a month before I'd met him. I was confident that he could get working again and kick the addiction or something to that nature, but it hasn't quite worked out that way, and only until now, when I'm back home, has he decided to quit the addiction, for me..except quitting the Valium, in which he is prescribed. He's had constant mood swings, temper tantrums, and seems a bit posessive(which can be sweet at times but also scary)I'm supposed to come back to him in 3 days from now, and it's only been 2 weeks since I got home. He holds me to my promise that I'd come back so soon, and I can't blame him...but being home with all my friends and family brought back a lot of questions and turmoil...I'm going back to him to give it one more try, do you think my choice is right?? Especially since he's so negative on top of the addiction, it's been the best and worst thing to ever happen to my depression...I want to help him, but have been so used up over the years, all I wanted was to have it work for once, to have a guy that could take care of business and be a good role model. Aside from the drugs, the temper, and living at home he has had and has the potential for those many good qualities. His addiction wasn't even as bad when I first met him, and my depression wasn't as bad either..I feel my depression is not helpful for his recovery either, but he says that if the relationship fails there is no doubt that he will go back to previous habits..I'm scared he'll just go back to them anyway, whether I'm there or not.. I care about him, and love him, but I'm also just...scared. Link to post Share on other sites
Cee Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 The best way to help him is to get help for yourself. You need help right away. Narcotic and Valium addiction is incredibly serious. Most people need inpatient rehab to deal with the withdrawal and cravings. Relapse rates are nearly 100% for people that don't dive into recovery in an intense way. Your love will do nothing unless you take action in your own life.There are 12 step programs for partners of addicts Al Anon & Nar Anon. The meetings are free and if you stick with it, you will learn so much about yourself. Codependency is it's own disorder. If you focus on your own depression and dependency, you will help him because you will stop enabling his addiction. But more importantly, you will save your own life by getting help. I can't explain this very well to you. Just get help and in a month or so, your outlook should change. And you'll meet people to support your journey. I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dawnster Posted October 20, 2011 Author Share Posted October 20, 2011 The best way to help him is to get help for yourself. You need help right away. Narcotic and Valium addiction is incredibly serious. Most people need inpatient rehab to deal with the withdrawal and cravings. Relapse rates are nearly 100% for people that don't dive into recovery in an intense way. Your love will do nothing unless you take action in your own life.There are 12 step programs for partners of addicts Al Anon & Nar Anon. The meetings are free and if you stick with it, you will learn so much about yourself. Codependency is it's own disorder. If you focus on your own depression and dependency, you will help him because you will stop enabling his addiction. But more importantly, you will save your own life by getting help. I can't explain this very well to you. Just get help and in a month or so, your outlook should change. And you'll meet people to support your journey. I wish you the best. ~Thank you for the advice. I'm still pretty stressed out about going back up there though, but, I will try to get forms of help once I am there, so that he'll do better as well, hopefully. I'm just worried that even if I do get better, what if he doesn't? I've had to support someone once for a long time, only to have them never take action or treat me well. I don't want a repeat...Thank you for the advice though, I'm going to do the best that I can anyway, or at least try to. ^u^ I hope his outlook changes too...a great many times I've already tried to help or cheer him up, only to have him flare his temper or ignore me. I think he's depressed too, and it's like a back and forth drag down..only options are to keep trying or give up it seems. Thank you, anyways. <3 OH< AND I MISSPELLED THE TITLE. I meant "What *to do." heheh, not do do. Silly me. xp Haha. Link to post Share on other sites
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