DyingHeart Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 As far back as I could remember, my dad has been drinking excessively. I remember him getting so drunk, he would beat my mom all the time. We had to spend countless nights in battered women shelters. I'd say this was when I was about 3 or 4 years old. (Now, this is a very brief summary of what happened, but there's much more, I cannot get into now.) So fast forward to 2 summers ago. He wasn't getting enough work at his job, so was home a lot. Every damn day, after he finished his coffee, he would start drinking, and wouldn't stop until he went to bed. He finally quit his job to be a full time drinker. I can't begin to tell you the stress he has brought on our family. He only cared about the drinking. Let bills go, and finally we had to file bankruptcy in order to desperately save our house. Then he finds another job... He gets mean when he drinks. Not to the point of hitting, but it gets frightening from time to time. I have no idea what to do, because he is the only one that works in our house, and he's a truck driver. My dilemma is, if something happens here at home from his drinking, and if I would have to call the cops, chances are he'd loose his CDL and he'd be out of a job, meaning we wouldn't be able to pay for the bankruptcy, then we'd be up s**t creek without a paddle. My mother and I wouldn't have a place to go, we don't have any relatives who could take us in, and barely any friends that would be willing to help. I have 3 cats, that I would not abandon, as they are my children. They would have to come with me, but not many places to go that would allow them. Not to sound stubborn, but if they can't come, then, I won't go. They are my family and the only things that keep me sane at times. But at the same time, if I don't say anything about his drinking to someone in authority, I'm afraid that he's going to drive drunk and kill someone. Not to mention, that he's 60 years old, diabetic and has high blood pressure. Another thing, he won't admit that he's an alcoholic. He keeps making the same excuses he has for years. So I don't see him getting any help anytime soon. This is damn frustrating. I want nothing more than to move out of this house with my kitties and start a new life somewhere, but alas, I am dirt poor, and with being on disablility, I can only have a part time job. Which would be barely enough to scrape by on. I love him to death, and I hate seeing him this way, but nothing I say makes much of a difference. And he better damn well have a good life insurance policy, because, I refuse to be left with debt well in the 6 digits. I don't mean to come off as harsh or uncaring, but I don't want to have to be the one to continue to pay for his mistakes. Has anyone been in a similar situation and if so, how did you handle it? I'm very sorry for the rant, but this has been eating at me for some time now. Hugs, DH Link to post Share on other sites
boshemia Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 Call your local domestic violence shelter and ask them these questions. I know here in Colorado A domestic violence arrest means the victim gets a lot of assistance. They put you at the top of the list for low income housing, help you get on public assistance, etc. However.. if you mom isn't ready to leave, then she just isn't. some people grow so used to living like that, and leaving is actually more frightening than staying. As for you being disabled there are programs to help you too. Because of my husbands arrest I got on some of my assistence, but most of it is due to my disability. There should be a program called Vocational Rehabilitation, they help you retrain for jobs, find jobs, even go to college... I'd talk to someone and find out what is available to you and your family... Link to post Share on other sites
tommyr Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 You need to get to an Al Anon meeting and meet some people there who have already been thru your exact situation. Alcoholism is a family disease it right now YOU are suffering from the effects of an active Alcoholic. Regarding your dad's life insurance, why would YOU be left with his debts ? Certainly YOUR name is not on any of his loans? If you do have any financial ties like that, then you have every right to ask to see his life insurance policy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DyingHeart Posted March 3, 2007 Author Share Posted March 3, 2007 Thanks for the replies. I am currently looking into some al anon groups near by. The reason his debts could become mine, is that, the house is willed to me. Unfortunately there are a lot of debts that come a long with it. I had a talk with him tonight, and he told me that I will be well compensated for the troubles he has put me through. He does sometimes confide in me, and I appreciate it. I just wish he could cut back a little. He's a great, caring, funny man...when he's not drunk. My mother can no longer get through to him, though I can. It's stressful, but I can make him understand things in a different light, again, when he's not drunk. Again, thanks for the input Hugs, DH Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts