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Close Friend, Abused by Wife

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Old 7th February 2019, 1:48 PM   #1
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Close Friend, Abused by Wife

Long time no post..

My wife and I have a good friend who is in crisis. There is definitely something wrong with him, personality; maybe a dependent type. He’s wanted to break it off with a girl for 5 years. She is WAY WAY WAY crazy; like, totally delusional, inflated egotistical, manipulative, verbally & physically abusive obsessive narcissist. She psycho texts him at all hours of the day, stalks him online via the companies Instagram live account, checks on him in the bathroom; and I mean, the TEXTS she sends are horrific; wishing him death, putrid name calling… and she’ll type something awful, copy & paste it over, and over, and over and over, talks about what she’s going to do to his possessions at home, all-day-long. I can say with 100% confidence, that this woman is pure evil incarnate, the most horrible human being I’ve ever known, and should be locked the up; away from all of civilized society.

Welp.. They got married in 2017 against all of his own will! and our advice of course. We, (me, my wife and his close friends) had been communicating with him on a secret app leading up to this wedding. He turns his phone over to her several times a day so she can go through it. NO, HE HAS NOT CHEATED ON HER. Needless to say, we’re still in this secret app talking to him, 2 years later. He sends us her insane raving texts (she sends him whenever he’s not in sight; at work, in the bathroom etc..) Screenshots and pics of cuts and bruises he’s sustained. He shares this stuff with us to build a case on his behalf when he does try to leave, or if something happens to him.

We’re trying to be supportive. We send him lawyers, victim advocate groups and more lawyers so he can get out of this. She has threatened almost every day with photos she took of bruises she gave herself, and he is convinced that would work to destroy his career. We’ve told him he needs a restraining order and to have his parents help him lawyer up; to be up-front with his boss and his family about his situation so that he gets all the support he needs when, (IF) leaves her. Again, he’s one of these dependent types who can’t make a decision to save his own life, literally.

We’re getting a weird true-crime vibe about this whole situation. We’re very scared they’re going kill each other. She sent him an ominous gun emoji a few weeks ago. I’ve asked, he says they don’t have a gun in the house, but I’m afraid that if they did, at any point, that would be it man :/
"Don't eff with me man! I am Ahab..."
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Old 7th February 2019, 2:04 PM   #2
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He probably has very low self-esteem to be tolerating this in the first place. It’s hard for women to come out with the fact that they’re being abused because of the shame factor but it’s way more difficult for men to admit it. They’re suppose to be strong and brave after all.

Regardless of what society says, abuse of anyone is wrong. He should see a counselor for abuse. He may be the only man client they have as sad as that seems since we all know that women can behave as badly as men can.

Are there any literature resources you can give to him, any links for online support groups of abused men, or even find a place that routinely sees men for counseling in his same position?

He needs to know he’s not alone in his suffering and be able to recognize this for what it is. He will also need to work on that esteem of his to know that he deserves much better. He’s probably in a bad place though which is why he hasn’t left.
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Old 7th February 2019, 2:10 PM   #3
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My heart goes out to your friend... domestic violence is not gender specific. Thank you for sharing his story. See if you can get him to do some research on domestic violence.
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Old 7th February 2019, 2:32 PM   #4
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I think it's sort of like if your friend was an alcoholic or some other addict: you can make helpful suggestions or try to apply pressure points all day long, but in the end he's the one who has to decide to help himself. The way I see it, at some point he stopped being a victim and became a volunteer.

Nothing you can do, man. You may hit a point where you ask him to stop sending you the "woe is me" stuff if he continues to refuse to do anything to help himself. Like ditching the psycho.
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Old 7th February 2019, 2:52 PM   #5
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We’ve sent him articles and psychology papers, more reading than I think he would actually commit to reading. I’m thinking of suggesting this site for anonymous support. It REALLY helped me when I was being abused back in 07. Thank Christ I’m alive and very well today.

I just really want to expose this woman. To everyone. We abused know how these reptiles work. Their biggest fear is being exposed for the empty, vacuum-like shell of a human they really are. I would just love to rescue my friend but it would probably do a lot of damage. It’s very frustrating.

I asked my wife if she has an end-date in mind when it’s all enough, and we just send everything he’s sent us to his parents, in the hopes they’ll bail him out. I feel like if they knew EVERYTHING, they’d be like, “Okay, that’s it. You’re coming home.”
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Old 21st February 2019, 9:11 PM   #6
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It sounds like he has enough evidence for her to be charged with abuse or threatening behaviour. Why does he not leave her?
"You ain't a beauty but hey, you're alright" ('Thunder Road', Bruce Springsteen)
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Old 22nd February 2019, 6:18 AM   #7
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Stop feeling ashamed and start dealing with your abusive partner. Get all the pieces of evidence of abuse with a clear record of the date, time and witnesses. Take legal help to get a restraining order against your partner.

You should join this support group to get counseling online
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