Concerned

[SoConfused101]

My husband has been miserable for a few days now, very out of character...just plain mean. I've been defensive and trying to call him out on his relentlessly awful attitude, being short with me and our kids. I'm fully admitting to nagging and not being very nice about it. I find his "mood swings" exhausting. It is almost like he picks days I look forward to a break or family time for him to go off into "the abyss" and drag us down with him.

 

I was in the shower and heard him getting angry at our son. Shortly after I hear a fall and tears. I start thinking he may have hurt him, and my emotions where already high from his grouchy attitude.

 

I made the mistake of saying "did you shove him?" From the washroom. To which he responded sarcastically, in front of our son, "no but I'll shove you!"

 

All I could repeat was "what did you say? You have to be kidding me!"

 

Now we are both at fault for our arguing in front of our three year old. But his remorseless and sarcastic "apology" is very unnerving. I told him it is unacceptable to threaten violence in front of our son. He said he was mad and that is why he said it.

 

I can't believe he is going to such strange and mean emotional extremes. He woke up bullying me and has been mood swinging all day. He keeps playing passive aggressive mind games and is acting very weird.

 

My concern is really whether I should be concerned or not. I've never been physically threatened by him, except for one other time when he was in the same mood state.

 

He once grabbed my hand to try to force it off grocery bags that I grabbed off the stroller to carry. We had an argument because he was complaining about the bags. He was holding my hand to try to force me off the bag so he wouldn't "look like a jerk" making me carry the bags myself.

 

When he is normal, I find his behavior docile. But his low days are very strange. His demeanor is almost cruel. What do I do? Is he a real threat, or should I just take it as a stupid response to a stupid question?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I wouldn't be so worried about your imminent safety, but his mood swings are troublesome, and I'd want to know why that's happening. Something is pissing him off.....what is it?

[d0nnivain]

Why did you jump to defensive instead of concerned? When my partner is upset I want to help him fix things, not poke the bear & make things worse.

 

Did you try coming at this from a loving, helpful place as in, "Honey, what's wrong? You have seemed upset these past few days. How can I help?"

 

Why on earth would you start with "Did you shove him?" vs. "What happened?" or "Is everybody OK? You automatically accusing your husband of child abuse is a problem. Why did you go there first?

 

Something else is wrong here.

[preraph]

^ I'd try that approach. But it sounds like he's having some rage problems he needs to deal with. If you can talk to him without him flying off the handle, I'd ask him to either go to anger management or see a therapist. I mean, he could be having an onset of some mood disorder or something, and that would be why to see a therapist. If it's simple rage and he's always kind of had it, it's time he learned why he has it in anger management. It can really help people once they understand why they're angry, which is usually a fear going back to childhood. And they teach them to deal with it in other ways. If he starts acting really deranged, you better get him in therapy in case he's having late onset mood disorder or something.

[coolheadal]

My husband has been miserable for a few days now, very out of character...just plain mean. I've been defensive and trying to call him out on his relentlessly awful attitude, being short with me and our kids. I'm fully admitting to nagging and not being very nice about it. I find his "mood swings" exhausting. It is almost like he picks days I look forward to a break or family time for him to go off into "the abyss" and drag us down with him.

 

I was in the shower and heard him getting angry at our son. Shortly after I hear a fall and tears. I start thinking he may have hurt him, and my emotions where already high from his grouchy attitude.

 

I made the mistake of saying "did you shove him?" From the washroom. To which he responded sarcastically, in front of our son, "no but I'll shove you!"

 

All I could repeat was "what did you say? You have to be kidding me!"

 

Now we are both at fault for our arguing in front of our three year old. But his remorseless and sarcastic "apology" is very unnerving. I told him it is unacceptable to threaten violence in front of our son. He said he was mad and that is why he said it.

 

I can't believe he is going to such strange and mean emotional extremes. He woke up bullying me and has been mood swinging all day. He keeps playing passive aggressive mind games and is acting very weird.

 

My concern is really whether I should be concerned or not. I've never been physically threatened by him, except for one other time when he was in the same mood state.

 

He once grabbed my hand to try to force it off grocery bags that I grabbed off the stroller to carry. We had an argument because he was complaining about the bags. He was holding my hand to try to force me off the bag so he wouldn't "look like a jerk" making me carry the bags myself.

 

When he is normal, I find his behavior docile. But his low days are very strange. His demeanor is almost cruel. What do I do? Is he a real threat, or should I just take it as a stupid response to a stupid question?

 

This is not good. But you clearly said his mood swings, so this has happen many times before. Something has gotten him upset but instead of dealing with the issue he as taken it out on the kids. Then you heard something you didn't like what he had said to the kids. You did the right thing but then he had gone after you with a mean way.. All this is still considered abuse no matter what he said or did. Physical abuse is what you have experience as well as verbal. No one wants to hear the verbal and you don't want to get into the touching part either. What you also said he's mostly cruel that's not good either. Flip-flop personality was he always like this and what has changed since he started going full circle on you and your kids? There has to be more to this story?