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Sexual/physical abuse

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Old 22nd December 2017, 12:35 PM   #1
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Sexual/physical abuse

Hello all,

I know this is a place where people won't judge so I'm going to speak freely.I grew up in a very abusive household (both sexually and physically). I was also raped once from someone I would call a close friend.

This has greatly impacted my relationships with men for a while. I get so clingy when I met someone, they emotionally abused me and I accepted their behavior, I had ONS with several men because I had no self-worth and thought this was a way to get them to like me.

what hit the nail in the coffin is the last ONS I had with one guy about 3 months ago. He started saying things like ''you like it rough'', smacked me here and there, and I even asked him to slap me in the face. I was pretty aggressive because to me this is how I though sex should be like. He didnt contact me for a month and when he did he said something like ''I know you miss me *b'**itch*. He also saw me after that and completely ignored me which made me feel worthless.

I decided to go to counselling, quit smoking, started meditation, staying away from men, and will spend all next year working on myself. One thing I cant get over is how I embarrassed myself by asking for these things and the humiliating way he treated me after that. I understand I cant blame him completely but for some reason this is the only thing I cant get over.

I hope you all have a great day
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Old 22nd December 2017, 12:44 PM   #2
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Michelle ma Belle's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,953
You should be very proud of yourself for recognizing the problem and seeking professional help. You are already leaps and bounds ahead of the curve my friend so please celebrate that!

You're new to recovery which means you're still very raw emotionally. You sill blame yourself and carry alot of shame for your behavior. This is all very normal for survivors of sexual and physical abuse. I promise you it will get better. There will come a point where you will no longer feel a need to carry the shame or the blame for the things that were done to you in childhood or as an adult.

Make yourself a priority and keep working on yourself. I would strongly recommend that you refrain from dating for a while to avoid falling into the same old patterns that keep you stuck in that horrible space.

There is life after abuse. Even more beautiful than you can imagine. Stick with it and you'll see for yourself.

Good luck!
"Stupid is as stupid does" - Forrest Gump.
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