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Abuse Support for and discussion of psychological, physical, and sexual abuse.

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Old 22nd October 2017, 8:39 AM   #1
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Me Too

I realize this is an anonymous forum so it's not quite as powerful, but in support for those currently suffering, I wonder how many LS users have been victims of sexual harassment or abuse?

I have been sexually harassed at 2 different jobs. The first when I was 17. It was my 1st job & the owner's son who was in his early 20s tried to grope me. I quit. My first permanent "real" job in my 20s. I was the only female "boss" and the other guys used to go to strip clubs after work and they often made vulgar comments about women.

So . . .

Me Too.

What about the rest of you ?
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Old 22nd October 2017, 1:05 PM   #2
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I was 17 when I was travelling on the Paris subway one day. I had a backpack that I had put on my lap, and crossed my arms over it.
A guy came into the carriage and sat next to me and when we were in the dark of a tunnel, I suddenly felt a hand grabbing my right breast.
For a moment I froze, then I freaked. I slapped him off me, got up and left the train at the next station.
I never said anything to anyone about this.

The second time I was a little older, maybe 22 or 23.
I worked in a bar in the Canaries. I was bent over filling up a cooler with bottles of water when my colleague thought it was perfectly fine to grab my ass from behind with both hands.
I turned around, shoved him away and gave him a verbal dressing down. During my rant our manager came in and asked what the heck was going on.
I explained and he took it from there. My colleague was fined 1 week's pay and warned that if he'd ever touch another female colleague against their will or without permission again he would have to deal with the police.

The thing I learned about those two instances is that if you keep quiet, nothing will change and nobody is held accountable. But if you do speak up, there are people willing to help and the culprit will face at least a little bit of the music.
I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley

Last edited by SoulCat; 22nd October 2017 at 1:10 PM..
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Old 22nd October 2017, 1:24 PM   #3
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Ive been groped and grabbed on public transport many times.

At 9 an older boy in a swimming pool stuck his hands between my legs, I slapped him

At 12, I was sitting on a bus and a man showed me the magazine he was looking at, with people having sex.

At 13, I was pushed against a wall by passing man who grabbed my crotch and (non existent) breasts - I punched him in the balls. Same thing again when I was 15, pushed against a shop window.

At 16 I sneaked out with a friend to a party, got really drunk and passed out in a back room... and woke up with an older boy inside me, his friend watching. Felt so guilty and ashamed, I never told anyone.

We are taught don't wear revealing clothes, don't leave your drink alone, don't walk alone in the dark - but why aren't they taught: don't rape?
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full for language & ideas, even the phrase 'each other' doesn't make any sense. - Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī
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Old 22nd October 2017, 1:27 PM   #4
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So what's the difference between harassing and assult because to me this don't sound like harassing but they sound like assult .
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Old 22nd October 2017, 1:30 PM   #5
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Oh, I don't know what's significant and what's not. When I was young, in Communist Romania, all girls had their butt grabbed on the public transportation daily. It was a daily occurrence, no exaggeration. Once some guy had his penis out when I was riding a tram and he just came next to me with his penis and said something obscene, I just ran out of the tram as it stopped.

When I took my driving test, the police officer administering the test kept asking me over and over " tell me, how was it when you first had sex?".

When I was 10 yo and a latchkey kid, some guy followed me home and I realized I won't have time to open the door to my apartment so I stopped midway on the stairs, put my finger on the doorbell of some other apartment and waited for him to catch up to me. Looked him in the eye and asked him "what do you want?". He lifted my skirt and ran his hand on my thigh. Then left. I was prepared to fight him.

I had some old guy make some inappropriate sexual comments to me when I started the current job. Like "don't drink that water (from the fridge in the break room), do you know what fish do in the water? The f*ck". (whispered in my ear). He made several comments like that and I reported him to my boss and he stopped as I got tenure (I am a professor), he moved to some younger targets.

I had some other guy being inappropriate verbally and I threatened him to destroy his career if he does ever talk to me like that again.

Bottom line, this is garden variety, I didn't get raped, and the older and more powerful I got, the less people dared to mess with me. But I see how a**holes like that would target younger women, who they feel can't fight them or can't defend themselves.
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Old 22nd October 2017, 1:45 PM   #6
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Some of the male clergy were a bit frisky back during my private school days. The women were OK though.

Can't recall anything being a factor in adult life, at least nothing like women routinely face or my exW dealt with as a teenager.
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Old 22nd October 2017, 4:14 PM   #7
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of course men @ work make comments on clothes/looks and and on mass transit men make comments and touch/grope on the regular, but i don't consider that assault or abuse. it's completely unwanted but it's never made me feel like i was in sexual danger. the only real time i was 'assaulted' was age 11 - i was with 2 other friends in an apartment complex laundry room and an adult male took out his penis and basically exposed himself to us .. we went running to our dads who all came out to find the guy. i don't even remember the rest. the only other time i was completely uneasy i was 15 and had to stay after school to do a make-up exam for Spanish class. the teacher came up behind me while i was taking the test and started to rub my shoulders. i immediately turned in the test unfinished and left, and told my mom right away, who instructed me to never be alone with that teacher again. the next time i did have to be alone w/him i begged a friend to go with me. i'm one of those women who tells immediately and thankfully haven't been in many dire situations.
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