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Leaving someone due to abuse

Abuse Support for and discussion of psychological, physical, and sexual abuse.

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Old 26th August 2017, 1:55 AM   #31
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I would like to add that abuse stems (typically) from two things:

a.) A warped sense of self, be it caused by previous abuse, narcissim, psychopathy, or other mental illness or psychological issues. This means for both parties involved. ex.) Abuser/psychopath Abused/low self esteem, mental illness.


b.) trying to force a relationship between two people who are not compatible but who are trying to "make it work"

or a combination of both

ex.) a narcissistic person who is trying to manipulate a typical person. It would drive both people up a wall resulting in an unhealthy relationship. Emotions are bound to fly and someone is going to end up getting hurt.

That is just my opinion though. I dont know the real numbers for that.

I did watch a documentary with a piece about domestic violence on men, and the stat there was 1 in 4 men are victims of dv and 1 in 3 women are.

My personal opinion is that we are all just human and all dv needs to stop.

If a relationship does not suit a person, they should leave and move on before any violence or abuse happens.
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Old 30th August 2017, 9:32 AM   #32
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Originally Posted by fieldoflavender View Post
I understand the general sentiment here is that if someone is at all abusive in whatever way, you should run away and never look back. No one should tolerate such behaviour, etc. and run far far away.

I don't disagree with that but from personal experience - I just wanted to share something. Bad behaviour is not right but sometimes it really is hard to see when you are the midst of intense pain and you are trying to do anything to lessen the pain. And if you've had a pattern of seeing unhealthy behaviours growing up for people who actually do love each other but do not express their emotions properly.

My only question is - mental health is just as important as any other condition. Yet every other condition gets more sympathy - cancer, infections, organ failure. But if someone truly is struggling with stress, and emotional regulation is difficult for them - then it's this realm of unknown.

I agree that repeated behaviours despite people identifying it as abuse and telling them to seek therapy/change is the person in denial.

But I am just wondering - obviously love is not truly unconditional, but if someone was only told that once - and they truly had not seen it before, and their partner leaves them. Of course, anyone is justified to go at any time.

But if you truly love someone, even if you need a break from them, would you just desert them when they need help the most? That doesn't sound like love to me. It speaks to me as to how much love there actually was.

Some people say that people can't change - but they do.
would you just desert them when they need help the most? -- The hard truth about all this is that the partner who is attempting to help their partner doesn't have the skill set usually to actually be helpful depending on the magnitude of the issues being dealt with. At some point the offended partner is/has been emotionally depleted anyway as well. In the end, the offended partner actually becomes more of an enabler than an effective source of support and help/direction, etc.
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