Feeling I am going crazy

[Love2015]

My last attempt to amicably wrap up the property ended in him contacting a common friend and saying I am not participating

 

So pretty much when I ask to meet up and close the chapter by selling furniture and property...he doesn't reply to me and he tells a common friend the following.

 

That the only thing holding us together is the property therefore I am purposely not selling the condo as I want revenge?

 

All I have been saying is ...it will take us 3 to 6 times to wrap it up...from selection of furniture to sale

 

In addition, he claims he doesn't want to see me as he doesn't want to talk to e about anything at all. Yes, I am guilty of asking him to meet to allow me to tell him what I think.

 

I am even guilty of msging her (the OW) so she realizes..I am trying to just wrap up. I gave her my piece of mind but in a non attacking way (bottom line that I would not take someone else's husband like she would) ...but I also said that as I realize he didn't love me ..that all we need to do is wrap up amicably.

 

The way I feel is so bad as I don't deserve respect...even the friend said are u trying to revenge? It was weird. I feel without control and that my only option is to buy him out so I can get rid of him somehow.

 

As I am getting no ones help...what am I supposed to do? How to stop wanting to amicably wrap up? I think I am trying to somehow justify that he is not that bad....and stuff happens.

 

I feel I am going crazy. Help. I didn't even go to work as I was depressed and felt worthless.

[topher]

Silence is an answer in itself.

 

He can't or won't give you what you need to feel whole again.

 

Reaching out to the OW was obtrusive. If you felt vindicated, cool. But I could see how that would repel your ex.

 

Maybe divesting the property will bring you some closure.

 

A talk with him might do.

 

But the real work falls on you.

[mej]

I know you are attempting to let this relationship go.At this point expressing your feelings of rejection only makes matters worse. His silent treatment is a tactic to provoke you more. Don't let depression get the best of you. Practice a positive tactic of acceptance of the facts and show your maturity. You may not be able to control the situation but you can control how you respond. You have the strength to get through and close this situation

[Buddhist]

It's probably too early for 'amicable'. When we try and force or rush a process it tends to backfire on us and make us feel worse. If anger helps you through this, use it. It's trying to be the nice guy that''s driving you crazy. There is nothing about this situation which warrants it right now. In the future, when all's said and done forgive away. But if your emotional state isn't anywhere near there yet (and it isn't because you can't wait to be rid of him) then accept that about yourself and just be with it.

[spiderowl]

It sounds as he wants it all to be sold and done with without him having to meet you to do it. Is this possible? If it is, then why bother meeting him any more. It would only be so you can have your say. While I can understand you may need that, it is best to get rid of the property and him so you can have a chance of moving on.

 

I'm sorry for how you have been hurt. It's understandable you'd want to make him know how much harm he has caused. You do need to separate out that need from the practical things. Will it make you feel any better to speak to him?

[Love2015]

Honestly speaking...I have been waiting to wrap up so we can do things together and fast. Here, he literally got up and started living with another woman and closed the doors and said I was abusive and what not. After dwelling, I come to understand he was inventing things and I was literally believing there was something wrong with me.

 

This month he stopped paying his share of mortgage. I am telling him to work on things to wrap up yet blames me I am not doing things. Even if he wants me to do all the work, it is a lot of work to do. I don't know what he wants to do with what furniture or any of it.

 

Yes, I will have to do the work yet it's like dealing with some sort of psychopath who doesn't understand concept of moving on. His understanding is he moved on with another girl but he cares less to end all connections. Give u an idea his mail comes to the house still! He and I still have join accounts and credit cards. He is a disaster of a person!

 

I will have to end up getting a lawyer which I wanted to avoid all this time. And how is it fair that I have to also do the selling of all? He pretty much is forcing me to suffer for destroying all that was done with love?

[Arieswoman]

Love2015,

I really sympathise with you as I've been there, and it hurts.

 

However, you need to focus on you.

 

Give u an idea his mail comes to the house still! He and I still have join accounts and credit cards.

 

So here's what you do.

You go to the bank and tell them you no longer want to be a signatory on this joint a/c, return all your cards/cheque books/paying in books for that a/c and open one in your own name.

 

You put his mail (unopened) on one side and leave it for him to collect. If he still hasn't come for it after after a month you see the solicitor/lawyer and ask his/her firm to notify your ex-partner where it is and give him a chance to collect it. Give a time-limit. If the time-limit passes then you bin it.

 

I will have to end up getting a lawyer which I wanted to avoid all this time. And how is it fair that I have to also do the selling of all? He pretty much is forcing me to suffer for destroying all that was done with love

 

I'm afraid that's how it works. And no, it isn't fair - sorry

 

When I got divorced I had to do all the selling of the matrimonial home/contents and it really broke my heart. I just kept telling myself that once it was done I could move on to a new property and a new life - which I did.

 

Hang on in there you can do this. x

Edited October 1, 2016 by Arieswoman