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Clinical depression ex-GF

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Old 20th July 2013, 2:17 AM   #1
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 18
Clinical depression ex-GF

Ok, I will try to keep this short, but my now ex girlfriend must have some type of issues. I will start from the top and make my way to what occurred recently.

First and foremost, when she and I started to get to know each other, she explained to me that she suffers from clinical depression. In other words, she takes pills daily and visits and therapist each week. She had a very bad past with relationships and at one point gave me a story about how she attempted to slit her wrists (the marks are there to prove it). So, with all of the symptoms of depressed people, she does have sporadic moments where she is incredibly emotional for no reason, cries over the littlest things, gets moody over the little things, when she gets very moody she blames it on her PMSing, gets fatigued and tired ten-fold to the point that she dozes off behind the steering wheel while driving and when she gets home she literally sleeps with her clothes and make-up still on, and just never really shows much excitement when doing things. Almost in the form of low-self esteem. She was incredibly aggressive at wanting to talk to me, and in fact, before we even got into a relationship, she wanted us to go to an overseas trip (even when we weren't in a relationship). All the while she lives with her Mom and sister, and Dad is working overseas, my ex was the one who was in charge of the mortgage of the home while Mom and her sister (married at 18, but divorced 2 years later, has a 1-year old baby, pays for nothing in the home, and clubs at night while my ex and my ex's Mom babysit) are at home. Might I also add that my ex-GF is foreign (Dominican) and feels that her culture requires the Man to be the leader of the household and pay for everything. (In my mind, why isn't her Dad taking care of the mortgage here in the States then?!) So that's the life she has right now.

Now, in the beginning, we got to know each other well. Knew each other for 5 months before getting into the relationship, had dinner, movies, etc., and I felt we were ready to take the next step being couples. When we got together, a week later she was going to her home country for 3 weeks to visit family but out of nowhere cried on my shoulder before she left to say that she really likes me as a guy and does not want me to change or do anything behind her back while she is gone. I recalled she always had a fear of this even when we began talking because she had been cheated on by many ex-bf's in the past. SO that weirded me out. Then, when she returned from her trip, it was not even a month we were in the relationship that her puppy died and from the beginning of the year onward she kept harboring the loss of her puppy and just not letting it go, while chastising me for not being able to help her get through it when I did all I could. Time went on, I had issues at my job, on the verge of losing it, and was focusing a lot of attention to getting a new one like anyone would. There was not a night where my ex did not hear me stop talking about my frustration over my job. She almost sounded disinterested. One time she was sick for a few days and she was home by herself, since we live apart. She called me and was very mad at me for not visitng her to take care of her, but after the phone call, I told her I apologized for not stopping by, but I did stop by and spent the night. A week after that, she and I travelled to that trip we booked months back when we began to talk, and had a good time overseas in Asia. So from then onward I thought that was just a big issue we had but we should have gotten over it...turns out she didn't and use this against me later.

It was in June when things started turning fishy. One night we talked and she told me that her feelings are not growing in the relationship. I asked her to explain, and she could not go into detail. She then talked about how she is afraid of love and scared to get hurt again. I reassured her that I would never do anything to hurt her in any way and that we are in this relationship for the long haul. Three days later, she asks me a question about my view on her hanging out with a guy who will bring other guys because they asked her out for a happy hour after work. I told her how uncomfortable that would make me feel, in addition, she and I both agreed early on that we would include each other to events and affairs and not go without one another. She suddenly forgot about that conversation we had.

So, everything all hit the fan when one night before we were going to travel to Florida on vacation that she tells me that her feelings and not growing and that she cannot guarantee that they will in the future. She said that she is not fulfilled and that she cannot compare to me as I am doing "everything right". I told her that I am far from perfect and that how could she not be fulfilled when literally every 2-3 months we are travelling the world together?! Just about every other weekend I came over and spent the night at her house when her parents weren't there, we talked every night, we worked out together in the gym for an hour after could she say this?! So it all hit the fan when we were in Florida on vacation and she said that she cheated on me and that she feels guilty and sorry. We both were in tears and she cried even more when she saw me hurt. I asked her to explain why she did this and she said that lately I had been acting "up-tight", talking too much about my job, things seem like a business relationship. Yet, she told me I am doing everything right and that SHE was the one not being fair to me because I am putting a lot in the relationship, and she is not. She said I am a perfect guy and that I should not change. All of this I have heard many times, but don't get big headed because I know I am not perfect. She also said that she is not attracted to me anymore and feels there is no chemistry. Physically, I don't see how she lost attraction when she wanted to remain a virgin until marriage and does not like oral sex. Even when I fingered her (down there) no matter how soft I would do it, it seemed like it makes her scream in pain and it hurts regardless! So maybe I thought emotional attraction she lost for me? She cried the entire time telling me this and throughout the entire vacation. I had given her flowers to cheer her up and surprise her, but she just showed little appreciation. I don't understand!

About the cheating: she said they met three times (once at an ice cream place, at dinner and he picked her up from a training session after work and they kissed). They both work with each other in the same office, so that's how they see each other everyday. I am guessing this relationship of theirs had been going on for some time long before June/July.

Why all of a sudden this hit the fan out of nowhere? All of a sudden she loses attraction and chemistry for me? She cheated on me? But we do all these things together and she is not fulfilled? This led me to read about clinically depressed people - and it literally answered my questions in a way. They tend to lose interest and withdraw from things they once thought was exciting to them, and just out of nowhere let it go. Maybe she did not take her meds or something, but this really hurt me! I did all I could for this woman, but she just literally messed everything up here and left.

So it ended to the point that after we got back from our trip, we had a great time btw, she did not even want to see me or meet up with me to have dinner for the last time. She thought it was "inappropriate and that we were not fit for having dinner, but instead we should talk in my car". She wanted to have no contact, so she could have time to think about things and for my sake to heal, and that [maybe] in the future she would check on me to se how I am doing. All of this to me is 100% B.S., but I granted her space, and we have not talked for a week now.

What are your thoughts? I mean, is it a typical thing relationships go through or is it that she just has so many mental issues that we cannot explain what caused her to do these things? Could she come back? Did I do something wrong?

Thank you for your insight and time reading this, as this has been a very emotional time for me and my family.

CazK88 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th July 2013, 2:36 PM   #2
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 484
You haven't done anything wrong. I'm very sorry you're going through this.

It sounds to me like she lost interest in you ages ago, and then finally cheated on you. Now that she has cheated, she feels less for you and wants to experience something with him, or someone else entirely. She doesn't want to rekindle things with you and doesn't have those feelings anymore because she is attracted to someone else. She is probably in a fog at the moment. Maybe it will work out with the other man, maybe it won't. For your sake, continue no contact. She knows where to find you if wants to find you.

Just want to wish you the best. This cannot be easy and we are here for you
ForeverHopeful1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21st July 2013, 2:36 PM   #3
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 18
By the time I finished reading the 2nd paragraph, I was thinking why hasn't this guy grabbed his Nike's and started sprinting already.

This girl obviously has major issues and will be an ENORMOUS drain of energy and emotions for anyone who has to deal with her on a regular basis. There are really not many guys who can be in a relationship with that kind of personality without suffering for it.

Her cheating was the final excuse you needed to RUN, extremely fast. I hope you're putting those Nike's on now and counting yourself lucky you got out while you could.
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