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breaking up with somebody with Borderline Personality Disorder

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Old 20th March 2012, 12:18 AM   #16
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 101
Originally Posted by KathyM View Post
I'm actually studying about Borderline Personality Disorder for a class I'm taking now. Here is how it is described in the Diagnostic Manual:

A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts as indicated by five or more of the following:

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.
2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. (This is called "splitting", which involves rapidly going from loving you one minute or thinking you're the greatest, to hating you the next, or thinking you are worthless).
3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).
5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior.
6. Affective (mood) instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability,or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).
7. Chronic feelings of emptiness.
8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger.
9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

This type of disorder is extremely hard to treat. It is pervasive, and is deeply imbedded in their personality. Treatment outcome is very poor for this type of person. While some specific forms of therapy have some success in improving some of the symptoms, the person is not going to become normal. This is who they are. Freud believed that BPD is caused from the person losing an important caregiver in their childhood, or having a mother who emotionally abandoned them during their childhood. People with BPD are not able to have a normal relationship with someone. They continually fluctuate towards psychotic and neurotic states.
I'm telling you. Getting out of this relationship that was bad with somebody who I am 100% positive (and my therapist thinks) has BPD has never given me so much confidence in myself before. It took a lot of strong will, emotion, and strength to get out.

I honestly do miss cuddling with her, scratching her back real slow, late night talks with her, kissing her back while cuddling (shirt off), and spending weekends with her. I worked out with her, helped her get ready for work on weekdays I would spend, went grocery shopping with her to keep her company, went over there and spent the night after a rough day at work. I treated her like royalty..well the next GF will get the same royal treatment. She took me for granted. I moved on and am not in rebound mode.

She showed her true colors and I had to get out. She would get mad after I spent friday, sat, and sunday with her and then leave Sunday night. I told her constantly I had to brush up on a paper to finish. I caught on she is manipulating her roomate who is a very passive pushover and her roomates BF who is a big pushover. The red flags were flying everywhere. I honestly thought her family was joking calling her "the problem child," at age 26. She has a destructive path and was very toxic to me.
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