Stressed Out Posted November 22, 2003 Share Posted November 22, 2003 I am a 30 year old married woman. I have been married to a wonderful man for 6 years. I was employed in the family's business. (Father -in law, & 2 brother in-laws). My husband works in sales for the company., so he is out of the office most of the day. I was caught on tape putting twenty dollars in my purse. My father-in law and his 2 older sons, said they were going to tell my husband and press charges unless I did what they said. I agreed to cooperate. The 3 of them locked me in the office and told me to take my clothes off. I was scared of going to prison and loosing my husband and my little girl. I was choked and then sodomized and regular sexed at the same time for about an hour. They made me do this again, the following week and I feel very guilty. This has been 2 years ago . I never told my husband. My husband can't understand why I don't want to go his family's house. Did I sin against my marriage? I needed to tell some one. Stressed Out Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 22, 2003 Share Posted November 22, 2003 You should go to the police. You will not go to jail for taking twenty dollars. Your inlaws committed bribery and rape - if anybody goes to jail, it will be them. Nobody is allowed to exact punishment on others - especially the way they did. You should also see a counsellor over this. But first, tell your husband. I'm sure he will understand your mistake in taking the twenty dollars. What your inlaws did is criminal. You didn't sin - you didn't participate willingly. Do something about this horrible situation - don't just keep it bottled up. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted November 22, 2003 Share Posted November 22, 2003 I dont think telling the authorities will be of any use. Cause you agreed to, on your account, to let them do that to you. Plus the fact that you didn't resist against them, but was on your own will. and exactly how does stealing $20 make you go to prison, losing your husband and girl?? it's stealing anyway....no judge would make a big deal out of it... damn to think in this day and age, fathers in law and bros in law could do something so LOW to their own bro/son....it's just sickening to even know them. I think they were scheming to do this to you from the start, i think thats why they made a tape recorder around where you work, to see if you would screw up somewhere and blackmail you Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted November 22, 2003 Share Posted November 22, 2003 you have no reason to feel guilty. You should however, go to the authorities immediately and file a report. Every state has different laws regard sexual offense cases, and I'm not too clear about New York laws, but you should press charges and take it from there. As hard as it may be for him, you need to tell your husband what happen. He may not want to accept it, but it will be hard not to believe since you are already expressing traumatic behavior as a result of the rape. Secondly, you need to seek counseling. You could very well be experience Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or Rape Trauma Syndrome. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted November 22, 2003 Share Posted November 22, 2003 i also forgot to mention that you should tell everything to your husband, cope with him and let him know how they schemed this and raped you. I think he will understand.... I mean seriously, how long do you expect to keep this a secret, as long as you live?? Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted November 22, 2003 Share Posted November 22, 2003 Whether it were rape or blackmail, they're both still a crime, and should be reported to the police. Whatever the case, she was sexually assaulted and they can be prosecuted for that. She could be new to the country and not familiar with the laws of the land, knowing she wouldn't go to jail for stealing $20.00. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted November 22, 2003 Share Posted November 22, 2003 why don't we calm down and ask the original poster if she had a chance of escaping if she didn't agree to cooperate. if it was up to her to get up and leave, but she felt threatened by the charges talk and agreed to do whatever they say, i'd say it's somewhat her fault. just like all these women who go to a man's bedroom alone and then press rape charges - well geez, just don't go into the guys bedroom if you don't wanna sleep with him! my advice to the original poster would be to go talk it over with a counsellor before telling your husband or the police about what happened. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Fancy Posted November 22, 2003 Share Posted November 22, 2003 This is not a slam against the person who started this thread, and it's not up to me to judge whether or not she's being truthful................but I do have to say, I've seen many, many people come to discussion boards with dramatic stories for the sole purpose of getting attention. Yes, it makes you wonder, "why even bother?" but it happens often. I've posted on boards where people have told stories about being pregnant, having cancer, losing a baby, and many other things. I've posted on boards where men pose as women and women pose as men. We have no way whatsoever to verify anyone's story. Again, I'm not saying that Stressed Out is making anything up. All I'm saying is that it's not unheard of for people to post something for kicks just to get attention or to practice their creative writing skills. I think Stressed Out should tell her husband immediately and if her husband isn't able to put a stop to it, the police should be called. Rape and sodomy is a much more serious crime than stealing $20. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 22, 2003 Share Posted November 22, 2003 Yes, she did this under duress, but on her own free will. She could have said 'no' and suffered whatever consequences that lie ahead. It is my OPINION that people who say such things need a reality check about the facts of rape and violent crime against women. This might be gained through better education. It is my OPINION that this sort of statement equates to blaming the victim, an obscenity which has been perpetrated time and again against victims of rape, and is EXACTLY WHY they do NOT report their rapes to the authorities. Right now, she already feels it's 'her fault' and those sorts of statements are completely unhelpful in these situations. I can go get you a whackload of reports about rape, crime, and male chauvinist attitudes and the damage they do if you want proof of the harm this sort of thing does. Which is why, in my OPINION, it is inexcusable. Link to post Share on other sites
bark Posted November 22, 2003 Share Posted November 22, 2003 moimeme , you're opinion is well-grounded. I expect it is an opinion shared by the overwhelming number of posters, both male and female, at LS. I suspect the comment/attitude you abhor was prompted more by the poster's view of the suspect authenticity of the initial post than true misogyny. I would be interested in getting more concrete, less biological, info from stressedout in order to better assist her. And if stressedout provides this info, I will apologize to her publicly for doubting her story's credibility. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 22, 2003 Share Posted November 22, 2003 Try calling your local women's shelter for assistance or the Rape Crisis Line. Here are some numbers for you. If you are in crisis, you may call any of the following hotlines at any time and reach a person who can help you. Professional standards of confidentiality are followed by all of these services. Family Abuse Services 914-347-4558** Operated by MHA of Westchester and the Northern Westchester Shelter for abused women, this line is for victims, witnesses or perpetrators of abuse. New York State Family Violence Hotline (English) 800-942-6906 New York State Family Violence Hotline (Spanish) 800-942-6908 Operated by the New York State Coalition Against Domestic Violence, this line is for victims of family violence. Child Abuse Hotline 800-342-3720 This is a New York State Registry Hotline to report suspected child abuse and/or neglect. Rape Crisis Helpline 914-345-9111** Operated by Victim’s Assistance Services, this line is for victims of rape. http://mhawestchester.org/phonehelp/hotlines.asp Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted November 22, 2003 Share Posted November 22, 2003 If this occurred as stated, the poster would have a very strong rape case in California (as an example). Here is the relevant law: CALIFORNIA CODES PENAL CODE SECTION 261-269 261. (a) Rape is an act of sexual intercourse accomplished with a person not the spouse of the perpetrator, under any of the following circumstances:... (2) Where it is accomplished against a person's will by means of force, violence, duress, menace, or fear of immediate and unlawful bodily injury on the person or another. … (b) As used in this section, "duress" means a direct or implied threat of force, violence, danger, or retribution sufficient to coerce a reasonable person of ordinary susceptibilities to perform an act which otherwise would not have been performed, or acquiesce in an act to which one otherwise would not have submitted. The total circumstances, including the age of the victim, and his or her relationship to the defendant, are factors to consider in appraising the existence of duress. © As used in this section, "menace" means any threat, declaration, or act which shows an intention to inflict an injury upon another. Read the full code at ftp://leginfo.public.ca.gov/pub/code/pen/00001-01000/261-269 I'm quite shocked and disgusted by the crude "blame the victim" arguments presented by those who are not familiar with the law. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted November 22, 2003 Share Posted November 22, 2003 there's law, and then there's simply human judgement, which doesn't necessarily match the laws... -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts