Girlfriend got kissed

[Inhp]

So I was away on a work trip and my gf finished her college exams and went out to celebrate. She rang me to tell me that a guy from college kissed her and she pushed him off straight away. She was going to tell me when I got home but didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.

Do I believe her?

I broke up with her but she asked me could we meet when I’m home (5 days time) and talk. I agreed but I don’t think I can change my mind. Am I being too harsh?

[SunnyWeather]

So I was away on a work trip and my gf finished her college exams and went out to celebrate. She rang me to tell me that a guy from college kissed her and she pushed him off straight away. She was going to tell me when I got home but didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.

Do I believe her?

I broke up with her but she asked me could we meet when I’m home (5 days time) and talk. I agreed but I don’t think I can change my mind. Am I being too harsh?

 

from the title and your description, it sounds like this guy did this against her consent. the fact that she told you right away furthers my read.

 

And....you break up with her? ick

[preraph]

Yes, you should believe her, unless you know your gf to be a lying sleaze, in which case, why are you with her.

[Inhp]

Yeah I’ve had time to think about it and just not sure. We’ve been together for nearly a year. I told her I needed space.

I am just really hurt

[SunnyWeather]

Yeah I’ve had time to think about it and just not sure. We’ve been together for nearly a year. I told her I needed space.

I am just really hurt

 

you're hurt? imagine how bad she must feel.

[Inhp]

I get you but my last girlfriend was the type of girl that everyone looked at when she walked into a room. She went out clubbing a lot and it never happened to her so I just don’t know if I believe my current gf

[basil67]

So I was away on a work trip and my gf finished her college exams and went out to celebrate. She rang me to tell me that a guy from college kissed her and she pushed him off straight away. She was going to tell me when I got home but didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.

Do I believe her?

I broke up with her but she asked me could we meet when I’m home (5 days time) and talk. I agreed but I don’t think I can change my mind. Am I being too harsh?

 

You made the right decision. She needs someone who she can trust to support her when things go pear shaped.

[Wallysbears]

You made the right decision. She needs someone who she can trust to support her when things go pear shaped.

 

Completely agree with this.

 

She called you to tell you that she was violated without her consent.

 

You then broke up with her and are worried about YOUR feelings.

 

She deserves someone better

[Gretchen12]

Not believe her? About what?

 

You think maybe no one kissed her? Why would she make this up?

You think she initiated the kiss? Or she didn't push him away? Why then would she tell you at all? Your behavior is irrational and unpredictable.

 

Anyway it is too late. The damage is done. I hope you don't change your mind. And if you do, she shouldn't take you back. She now knows to not trust you again. She may appear upset and wanting you back for now. But we all have that voice inside that tells us when there's no future with a guy.

[ExpatInItaly]

I get you but my last girlfriend was the type of girl that everyone looked at when she walked into a room. She went out clubbing a lot and it never happened to her so I just don’t know if I believe my current gf

 

So? Do you always expect it be sunny every day too? Do you expect to always have the same things happen under all circumstances?

 

I think you did the right breaking up with her, for her sake. Assuming she has given you no reason not to trust her before, you jumped the gun here. She needs a man she can rely on when troubles arise.

 

You aren't him.

[PegNosePete]

You think she initiated the kiss? Or she didn't push him away? Why then would she tell you at all?

Because people who do initiate or invite kisses or don't push the initiator away have motivation to lie. If there were other people present it would have come out anyway, so it could well be that she's confessing to get her story in first, and do damage limitation.

 

From the stated facts there's really no way to know if she is lying or telling the truth. If anyone else was around at the time you could ask them for an independent observation.

[Inhp]

I don’t know any of her college friends so I can’t really ask them. She was being moody with me throughout the week and she blames it on stress of exams but I don’t think that’s an excuse.

[d0nnivain]

College exams are stressful. You think she was lying to about that. Newsflash: her education comes before your dating relationship. Now you are upset because she was assaulted & you think that something that happened to her without her consent is her fault.

 

This girl dodged a bullet when you broke up with her. You are not a compassionate understanding or supportive BF at all.

[Cersei]

Dude you are being a drama queen here! She told you. She did nothing wrong.

 

Please tell me there is more to the story than this. Is this the only reason you broke up?

[Inhp]

Yeah pretty much. I was so angry when she told me. I just needed space from her

[d0nnivain]

Yeah pretty much. I was so angry when she told me. I just needed space from her

 

You were angry at the wrong person.

[carhill]

Welcome to LS....

 

Breaking up? IDK, that sounds a bit harsh. I'd take the meeting and see how it pans out.

 

Normal in your culture to celebrate at a pub and kiss around or are males/females very territorial in that way? Does your girlfriend obviously present as a coupled person in general by her behavior?

 

When I was your age my protect/serve training would have immediately had me believing the girlfriend's narrative and going out to club that interloping male. Time and life experience have taught many lessons in that regard.

 

In the year you've been dating, any other calls like this or experiences like this with her? Is this a new thing for you?

[HumanMachine]

I’d be sending someone to have a ‘word’ with her colleague if she was telling the truth...

[srt92]

College exams are stressful. You think she was lying to about that. Newsflash: her education comes before your dating relationship. Now you are upset because she was assaulted & you think that something that happened to her without her consent is her fault.

 

This girl dodged a bullet when you broke up with her. You are not a compassionate understanding or supportive BF at all.

 

I kinda of agree with OP to an extent. I mean c'mon, if I call and tell my girlfreind RIGHT NOW on the phone and tell her some random girl came up to me, turned around and pressed her butt up against my "you know what" my girlfreind off the bat would not believe me at all. Infact no one would. The first question and concern on my end would be that what position could I be in for a random girl to do something like that to me? That's probably what OP had thought of. Now in his case, I wouldn't have gone to the extent of breaking up with the girl, but I definitely would questioned her in a way to where I could catch a lie, or do my own investigation first. And ask her to prove it. Because this situation does sound kind of "off".

[srt92]

I’d be sending someone to have a ‘word’ with her colleague if she was telling the truth...

 

Spot on advice.

[DKT3]

I'm leaning towards over reaction, however, sometimes the accompanying actions make it a clear choice.

 

I think everyone is assuming that she is being honest, who knows. Maybe she made out with the guy all night, freaked out and told him a minimized story. Maybe she told him exactly what happened. No one here knows, I feel either OP is very insecure or knowing his girlfriend believes she invited the kiss.

[Jamess1]

I can't believe the advice that you are been told here!

 

You did the right thing by breaking up with her, everyone is trying to tell to ignore your gut feeling as a man.

 

She was lying to you, she cheated on you, she either confessed because she fears those who saw her dancing and kissing with this guy would tell you what they saw your gf do. And in these cases it is always worse than what she confessed to, if your gf confesses to kissing, then it was way more than kissing; they probably touched, groped, kissed each other on the dance floor, or probably went to his place for seks, or it is just to clear her guilt, in some cases she might fear giving you an STI and the best she can do to resolve that guilty is to confess, but the furthest she can go is confessing to a kiss instead.

 

If she did cheat by kissing only, you wouldn't have been told, women won't risk a relational investment in by confessing to a kiss : if your gf ever cheated on you by kissing only, you were never told:confessing to a kiss, is aways confessing to more;probably a one night stand

 

If a guy randomly kissed her without her consent, she would probably slapped him and you would not have heard of it; the same way she never tells you about other guys who try to hit on her during the day, on her phone, or the guys who have randomly touched her in the club, she just pushes their hands away..or slaps them..

 

She is sub-communicating to you a feeling of guilty and fear not anger that another man kissed her, and this is why you got hurt and didn't believe her, and people on this forum are telling you about consent, lol The medium is the message...always

 

Most have been cheated on, always knew something was going on, had a gut feeling, and they ignored it, but that capability is an evolved part of men, to guard him from raising another man's child...

 

Your gf cheated, and is lying, tell her to come clean and to tell you what really happened,you could ask others who were at the club (not her girl friends), either way then dump her. And why are you even allowing her to go to the club without you to begin with...

 

This is basic and obvious, the quality of advice that men get on this forum is worrisome...but it can be explained; just like her friends,women on this forum will cover for her, there is a science behind this..