Guest Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 how to you make the transistion from having sex to making love? i am in a committed relationship with my b/f but the sex always seems separate even though we are affectionate in other ways. i dont' find it as satisfying sometimes as i think it should be because he doesn't say anything during sex. i told him i like to hear things becasue it excites me more, but i dont' think he gets it. I got pissed off a few nights ago when he wanted to have the TV on (not porno, just a talk show) and masturbate me while looking and listening to the speakers. is that normal???????? We do this one position all the time and i am wanting to change it and he said i shouldn't be 'obsessive' about different positions and then he said "dont' investigate me" when I asked about a position he said was "the best" a long time ago but I found it tiring...I suggested it last night when he tole me "not to investigate". I find this "dont' investigate me" disturbing and not sure what it means. isn't this (the way we have sex) an indication or reflection of how his/our feelings are towards each other/ Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck234 Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 how to you make the transistion from having sex to making love? i am in a committed relationship with my b/f but the sex always seems separate even though we are affectionate in other ways. i dont' find it as satisfying sometimes as i think it should be because he doesn't say anything during sex. i told him i like to hear things becasue it excites me more, but i dont' think he gets it. I got pissed off a few nights ago when he wanted to have the TV on (not porno, just a talk show) and masturbate me while looking and listening to the speakers. is that normal???????? We do this one position all the time and i am wanting to change it and he said i shouldn't be 'obsessive' about different positions and then he said "dont' investigate me" when I asked about a position he said was "the best" a long time ago but I found it tiring...I suggested it last night when he tole me "not to investigate". I find this "dont' investigate me" disturbing and not sure what it means. isn't this (the way we have sex) an indication or reflection of how his/our feelings are towards each other/ Mmmmmm I had this same issue with my bf not long ago. We have been in a commited relationship for a while and I was craving more than just sex...I wanted to make love. Our sex was great, there's no doubt there, but I still didn't feel intimate enough with him. Sometimes I felt we were having sex cos he just wanted to get off...there was no passion, no excitment. So I asked him about it and brought it up, he actually took the words out of my mouth and said he knew I was feeling this way etc etc. From then on, our foreplay has become anything up to an hour or an hour and a half, our actually sex we still have to work on cos he comes really fast once we actually get to the main course....but other than that, my cravings for that little bit extra intimacy was gone. Even though the whole love-making probably doesn't happen as much as I would like it to....it still has improved. T.V.....UGH....I have the same issue with my bf. Exactly the same! Even once while we were having sex, he turned around to have a look and see what was on T.V. VEEERY angry!! He likes the tv on, I hate it. Our compromise...(even though I'm still not 100% happy with it) was to mute it. He often like to masturbate me while turning around to watch what's on...and to be honest....that turns me off and I don't enjoy it one bit. I still hate it cos I know it's a distraction to him and he never puts all his effort into it, BUT that's men, I suppose... (I'm not generalising!!) Anyway, my advice...talk to him seriously. A relationship works both ways and if he's not prepared to accept and take on board, YOUR needs/wants/desires then let him know it's being selfish of him. When you discuss it with him, which I really hope you do, tell him how you feel. Tell him what you want, not what your not getting. Like I said, if he's not prepared to listen and take all your needs into consideration....then he's not worth it...IMO. All the best... Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 Sounds like he's not comfortable communicating about sex, or exploring his sexuality - or yours. That whole "don't investigate me" make it seem like he feels threatened by questions about sex. And the TV stuff is crap! I'm sorry, but if he can't drag his attention away from the TV to focus on the naked woman in front of him, he's got a screw loose! Frankly, he sounds pretty immature about the whole thing. Long ago, I stopped having patience with guys who can't open up or who can't focus on me during sex, and on guys who can't be bothered to explore with me. There are so many guys out there who are fantastic lovers and pay all kinds of attention to how hot and intimate sex can be that I just couldn't be bothered to waste my time with the others. I'm 38 and my SO is 40 - he is the kind of man who spends hours exploring all the pleasure we can possibly have together. Don't settle for less than you want!!! Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck234 Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 I'm 38 and my SO is 40 - he is the kind of man who spends hours exploring all the pleasure we can possibly have together. I can't wait till I'm older and the bf is older too. My mum told me that guys grow up when they turn 30... Can't wait for that day!! Link to post Share on other sites
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