Relationship Dynamics

[Nur]

I was reading an article about the chemistry of love, and it said that the hormones that produce that feeling of attraction known as "being in love" (assuming there is mutual respect, friendship, compassion, etc. as well) last for about four to six years, the time it takes to raise a child from infancy. After that, the feelings don't need to be as strong, because naturally humans are not designed to mate for life. We stay together after then more for economic reasons than anything else, which is probably a contributor to the staggering divorce rate.

 

How would you say the feelings in a relationship differ from the first six months to the first year? The first two years? The first six years? Ten years? Etc. How do the dynamics concerning love and sexual attraction evolve and change? Is it true that people together for many years become more like friends than lovers? Can that be prevented by "keeping the spark alive?"

 

I realize that many people on this forum have not BEEN with someone for a decade or more, but some have. I myself would only be able to answer that, after a year of being with someone, you don't feel the same intense light-headedness as a constant presence like it is in the beginning, but the spark is easy to rekindle and you could still make out every day with passion. I also know that after about six, seven months, you have a lot of conflicts that you need to work through, since few people just magically mold together -- it requires compromise on both sides. But the relationship is much more enjoyable and wonderful after the "conflict" stage.

 

What have been the various experiences concerning the dynamics of a relationship from the views of other forumers?

[KittenMoon]

I was reading an article about the chemistry of love, and it said that the hormones that produce that feeling of attraction known as "being in love" (assuming there is mutual respect, friendship, compassion, etc. as well) last for about four to six years, the time it takes to raise a child from infancy.

 

>sigh< We broke up after 6.5 years. After the firsy four, things were not as good (and I can measure this exactly because the first four yrs wer ein college). After that, things seemed to be on the downturn, though we still had some great times. They were just less "ooooh in loooove". More like best friends trying to be in love.

 

Although I have to say that I think humans are looking for permanent mates, but its beginning to occur to me this happens the most effectively when we're past our PEAK child-bearing years (starting late 20s to early 30s), even though we may not have children yet. Weird to think about.

[mattea]

I read the same article! It scared me a little.

 

I can't really answer as I've only been in one relationship for over 4 years. We broke up after 4 1/2, tried to get back together a year later, lasted for another 10 months. I would say the closeness and strong feelings of being in love died off after 2 years, though. It did feel like trying to be in a romantic relationship with someone who was just a friend.

 

I've attributed the deterioration of this relationship to the lack of emotional connection, communication we had. Maybe he didn't need that, but I did. I didn't feel like we were very close.

 

I do know couples who have been together for 15 or 20 years who are still very affectionate and in love. I'm sure it feels different than it did in the beginning, but it's still inspiring. I guess you have to put in a lot of effort to keep communicating and also being physically close, but I can't say I know this from experience!