RoxStar Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Well I am finally back online after about 6 months of being blocked at work and not having the net at home but the RoxStar is back... Anyway... Sure most do not remember but one of the last few posts I was able to write was about the guy I was with for the last two and a half years that got back with his ex girlfriend. I was doing NO CONTACT and doing well and then we actually were ambushed by a common friend. At first is was awkward but then we talked a little and that was back in September. As of now... he is still with his ex - which means I am the ex and she is the current I suppose... anyway I digress... Well they are still together but he and I hooked up recently (PLEASE DONT JUDGE ME) and I know that is bad on so many levels. I really cant figure out what he is doing with his girlfriend or with me. He told me he will never get over me... but then why is he still with her??? I know I shouldnt have hooked up with him and I dont plan on hooking up with him again either (but you never know what a few Jaeger Bombs will do to ya). It was a stupid thing but there are still some feelings there on both our parts. Not nearly as many as there were in the past and I really do feel most days that I am over him but then I do wonder what he is doing with her if he claims he still loves me. I know I shouldnt care and I know I shouldnt think about the what if because that will drive a person insane. Maybe he does truly care for both of us but he even told someone that he wanted and needed to break up with her. He has seen her maybe a total of 5 hours over the last month because she has children and is going through a nasty divorce and seldom has a babysitter and he doesnt go around her kids so they see each other an hour here or an hour there. I have hung out with him more in the last month then he has been with his girlfriend. So WHY WHY WHY is he with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Lucasarts Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 WHY WHY WHY did you get drunk with him in the first place, wow you were set up to take that fall. seriously if the No Contact thing was working...then you should have been over him already. Seriously just stop thinking about him and shut him off permanently. He's only talking to you and seeking your affections b/c his current g/f is not available for him to give him the attention he craves. and you aint over him if you still think about his "love" for you. i think he just loves being with you and the attention you give him at this moment. As soon as his g/f is done with her nasty business...well you're gonna be done in his book as well. i shut off a girl who was playing games with me (showing signs but not giving back anything, got sick of doin the chasin) and i still see her in school everyday. i only talk to her if i must, and thats it. i give her nothing when she tries her games on me, i just get pissed and stonewall her. so dont gimme any excuses about not being able to avoid him/ no contact. just stonewall this guy. bullsh*t walks money talks they say, and his words are just that Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Just wanted to point out some of your thinking here... You said that you hooked up with him (I'm not judging, only stating) while he's with his current gf. How do you know he didn't hook up with her, while with you? He's playing the both of you, and you know this. I would bet all I own on the fact that he's slept with her while dating you. Now he's sleeping with you while dating her. He's feeling lonely because his gf doesn't have much time for him right now. Instead of him being an adult, and helping her with her problems, he's abandoning her to get his jollies with you. Instead of respecting you, showing you that you are the one who's special to him, he's continuing a relationship with a woman who he dumped once already and keeping you on the side burner. He's doing just enough to string you along, keep you hooked to him, so that if he needs emotional or physical desires met he can come to you when his gf's too busy. What are you really looking for in a man? He can be as fun, intelligent, and good looking as all get-out... but he's treating you like a door mat. Both of you. To me, it's more important that a man be honorable, do as he says, his actions must back up his words. Your man's actions are proving he doesn't care for you, and that he doesn't respect you. He doesn't even respect his current gf enough to break up with her, instead he cheats on her and still stays with her. You need to take a good hard look at yourself, before you decide if you want to keep this man in your life. Why are you continuing to allow him in your life? What are you gaining from this? You can say "it's love" all you want, but to me I see a woman who is desperately craving the attention of a man who doesn't love you enough to even show you the tinnest amount of respect. What are you looking for in a man, and how is this man fulfilling those needs? If all you care about is a roll in the sack, then go after him. If you're looking for a stable, committed relationship that is based on trust and respect, then you need to find a (different) man to fulfill this. Link to post Share on other sites
NYCmitch25 Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 "New boy issues... same boy, new issues..." ..... maybe it's time for a new boy ? Seriously, I don't know if I would call it delusion or hopeless optomism but I think you are incorrectly looking at this situation. I'm trying not to sound too annoyed but my SO's sister was acting the same way about a guy and I had to hear about it all weekend long, to top it off she didn't want any real advice and I'm wondering if you are the same type of person? I say this because you seem to just be asking for the means to get this guy and actively asking for nothing related to the situation or your poor choices ( I'm sure you know which one I'm talking about). You put this guy on a pedistal but the reality you have protrayed drags him though the mud. I think that you barely tried the no contact thing and didn't try to get over him at all; not only that pretty much have actively worked your way back into his life. Maybe you can break them up, tell this guy that he needs to leave his current for you, if things don't move forward hint to his current gf that you and him have a history, keep the pressure on because eventually it will end things... That is a good thing because I don't think this hard working good woman deserves a man like that... a man that is willing to take advantage of her while she is going though a rough patch. I think this guy is more fitting for a rock star... Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 I have hung out with him more in the last month then he has been with his girlfriend. So WHY WHY WHY is he with her? Hey, hot stuff. Nice to see you back. I'm back too, didn't make it with Scotland. Anyways. This may be too obvious, but it sounds to me like he's one of those "I'm only passioantely attracted to women who are unavailable to me." Thus, the see-saw between ex's. He probably thinks you and his current GF are cool chicks. He probably likes elements of both of you. I have been like that. I would be dating someone, and as soon as I felt secure in the relationship, I would get a wandering eye, persue someone else, dump my BF, get into another relationship only to feel my attraction waning. Or, I would be unfaithful, tell my partner, he would leave, I would persue, get him back, then lose interest again.... Now I'm supposed to not get into another relationship for like a year. Trying to get better. In any event, honeychild you are worth a lot more than being the girl on the backburner. I'm just sayin'. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 So WHY WHY WHY is he with her? You're asking the wrong question. I can't really add more than that - the previous posters have said it all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoxStar Posted January 6, 2006 Author Share Posted January 6, 2006 This may be too obvious, but it sounds to me like he's one of those "I'm only passioantely attracted to women who are unavailable to me." Thus, the see-saw between ex's. He probably thinks you and his current GF are cool chicks. He probably likes elements of both of you. BO I think you hit the nail on the head! I know I shouldnt have hooked up with him and I think he does like the unavailable part of being with me and being with her. I know I am too good for him and that he doesnt deserve me. Glad to be back and see some familiar posters! Link to post Share on other sites
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