Lostgirl0 Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 Hi everyone, sorry if this may be a little long but i really need some help and any advice, as harsh as it may be would be appreciated, Im 23 and my partner is 21. He and I have been together 3 years to be exact. Approximatly 3 weeks ago he broke it off very suddenly, as in he woke up in the morning and said this wasnt what he wanted. I was in so much shock and as much as it hurt, i let him leave. In less that 24 hours later of him doing that he was the one to contact me via text and was telling me he was sorry, he messed up and that he loves me alot. I didnt anwser because i was massively hurt by what had happened, he proceeded to blow up my phone repeatidly until i caved and responded. Since then, he has contacted me every day since. Fast forward 2 weeks, and here we are in this hole i dont know how to get out of. We speak everyday, and have seen eachother twice in the last week. However, this is all on this terms, because when i reach out to him he says he is busy and he'll contact me when he can which makes me feel so rubbish. To a certain extent we are still very much 'acting' like we are in a relationship. He came over on friday night and brought me dinner, it was nice to be with eachother again in that type of setting. We had sex and he stayed until late(ish) the next day. Ive confronted him and asked do you see us getting back together and he said of course he does, but theres things we need to work on. I agree to a certain respect but i think its nothing that we couldnt work on together as a couple. He doesnt want to be with me right now and he swears blind that it is not because he wants to see other people but at the same time he cant tell me when we will be 'official' again. Even though we are not together 'officially' he mentions alot that he wants me to get pregnant and when i say how could he want that in our current situation he says that just because its not official doesnt mean we're not together - crazy. I dont understand whats going on, surely if you love and miss someone as much as he says he does he would want us to work on things properly? Althought crazily inlove with this guy, im not stupid and i cant help but feel he is just stringing me along because he doesnt want me with any one else. Does he just want his cake and eat to? Please help, I really want us to work, i do but i feel as if ive really handled this in the wrong way. What should i do? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 He doesnt want to be with me right now and he swears blind that it is not because he wants to see other people Tell me you don't actually believe this line?? If you carry on letting this guy have his cake and eat it then you're going to get even more hurt, and maybe an STD. He is completely disrespecting you and you are letting him! You need to tell this guy that you will not be disrespected any more and that if he wants to be in a relationship with you then he needs to get his act together. Not next year and not next week but TODAY. If he can't commit to you TODAY then it is goodbye forever! And then, you need to STICK to it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 It's seems to me that you have a very good handle on what is going on. Many of the questions you've asked you have already answered in your post. Unless he recommits to the relationship you need to stop being intimate. His response will tell you firmly what you need to know. Detach and protect yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostgirl0 Posted June 18, 2019 Author Share Posted June 18, 2019 Thank you - it is really disrespecful. As a man, do you know why this sudden change would happen? because we wasnt like this before and everything seemed fine. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 Yes you are being strung along. Remember you have the power to end this. Tell him we get back together or we're over for good. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 do you know why this sudden change would happen? It's unlikely that it was a sudden change, for him. Chances are he's been feeling like it for a long time now. He just didn't fill you in on his feelings until he had made up his mind. He didn't want to lose you until he had decided 100% what he wanted to do and so he kept on stringing you along to make you think everything was just fine. And when he had made his decision, he told you, and to you it seemed like it came from nowhere. But in fact he had been thinking about it for a long time. And now that he's dumped you and is playing the field, he thinks he might as well carry on eating his cake while others are baking! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 Thank you - it is really disrespecful. As a man, do you know why this sudden change would happen? because we wasnt like this before and everything seemed fine. I'm not a man but a woman who has a lot of experience. The reason for the sudden change is "spring and summer" and he's seen girls he wants to get to know. At the age of 21, a young man wants to really sow his oats with as many pretty girls as possible. They are not relationship material at that age. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 go back to ignoring this clown. move on with your life. if he ask why you are ignoring him then say "we had a good run but I have decided I want to open myself up to a man who wants to be with me. no hard feelings. take care" then keep on ignoring him if he wants to get back together in an actual exclusive relationship then you can give him another shot IF YOU WANT TO otherwise keep on moving on 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 Thank you - it is really disrespecful. As a man, do you know why this sudden change would happen? because we wasnt like this before and everything seemed fine. PegNose gave you a very good likely answer. The only way you will get the truth is to spy on him. I don't think he will tell you unless it's under duress such as you moving on with your life without him. Make you sure you get what you want before taking him back. Don't accept promises. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 He's after some woman. He may not have gotten anywhere with her yet is all. Do NOT keep sleeping with him and rewarding him by talking to him and going out. That's what he wants. He wants to not be committed so he can do whatever he wants. Now, at his age, this is NORMAL, and in my opinion, you should just cut him loose. What you can't do is hold on and let him treat you this way while he does whatever he wants or on the small chance you end up together again, he will always know you will not leave when he cheats and is inconsiderate. You can't set that precedent. You tell him to go do his thing and you'll do yours. Don't touch him or be his friend and listen to him cry on your shoulder. Let him miss you, not keep you as a third wheel. And you go ahead and go out with friends and date and don't answer any of his questions just like he's not answering yours. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 18, 2019 Share Posted June 18, 2019 As a man, do you know why this sudden change would happen? because we wasnt like this before and everything seemed fine. He's seeing someone else. And wants to keep you close for emotional and physical comfort in case it doesn't work out with her. Unless you're happy with being Plan B, believe his actions over his words and walk away. Pretty cruel and rotten treatment... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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