How much do you trust your own feelings?

[Springsummer]

It's very rare for me to find someone attractive online.

 

Once I did find someone I think very attractive, not just how he looked but the ways he looked. He was a world traveler. He looked kind and a serious person. I just had very good feeling about him. so, we talked a bit...then he asked me if I am into message..then I went silent. From the look of it, he does not seem like someone who sleeps around the world. No matter how he attractive is, I am not going to touch someone like that. with all the germs... yuk...and what a pity. oh, why...

 

so, my feelings could be wrong? I thought I can trust my sixth sense? so, now thinking about this. it scares me. so now I find someone very attractive from the look of it but someone I don't really know at all. what if he is the same? which is very likely as in today's society, people are very loose, unlike the culture I grew up with.

 

alas, looks like I am gonna be alone forever. even someone very attractive, I can still find something that I can't accept. same thing happened years ago with someone that I actually know and sort of friends. I don't even talk to him at all now. I am also someone who burns bridge and sees things black and white.

 

what do I do? I am just not a very forgiving and worldly and realistic person. I hold on to certain ideals.

 

In other words, is 'love' at first sigh reliable? I saw the attractive person again today and it's undeniable that I really like what I saw and how I feel. but he is of certain age, and I can't help wonder how many he has had? that thought really turns me off.

Edited June 12, 2019 by Springsummer

[basil67]

I don't believe in love at first sight. Lust at first sight, certainly. But not love.

 

We don't know anything about a person at first glance - it is only through time spent together that we get to know them and figure out if they are worth further consideration. The only advice I can give is to stop gauging a man's values with your eyes and start doing it with your brain.

[Happy Lemming]

I just had very good feeling about him. so, we talked a bit...then he asked me if I am into message..then I went silent.

 

I don't understand the above sentence. Did you mean a massage??

 

Are you equating therapeutic massage with some type of seedy "Happy Ending" massage?? Two totally different acts.

 

I'm a bit confused...

[divegrl]

Feelings.... I don’t trust them very much. They come and go.

 

Intuition. Gut reaction. I trust this 1000%.

 

Have a beautiful day my friend.

[chillii]

To know if your feelings or gut mean shyt or not you have to really know and understand yourself and your history but most people don't so no one here can tell you if yours mean anything. Only you can know that or someone v close to you.

l won't touch anyone that sleeps around or so easily either so l do know how you feel there.

The guy, anyone can window shop and ooo ahh about how attractive someone is doesn't mean they'll find you the same or you'll even get a shot.

Only way to find out is to message him and meet so ya gotta bite the bullet girl if you wanna know.

Edited June 12, 2019 by chillii

[Michelle ma Belle]

First, you can't really tell a whole lot about someone from what you see or read on OLD profiles. People will either post very little (if anything at all) about themselves or they'll only give you the highlights. Most people aren't very good at describing themselves to start with so you have to dig further to get the real scoop.

 

Second, I agree with chillii completely that knowing and trusting your gut requires you to truly and deeply understand yourself first and foremost. Too many think it's their gut speaking to them when it's really their head getting in the way of things or their heart, and in both cases, it gets you into trouble. Instinct is deeper, much deeper. It overrides what your brain and heart tells you. Just from reading what you wrote, I suspect you're making decisions based on your head more than your gut.

 

Third, it's perfectly fine to have and maintain standards. Never apologize for that however, sometimes one's standards are unrealistic or too high that no one can ever meet them. Again, knowing yourself is the key to knowing what you're willing and unwilling to accept. That being said, dating inside such a tiny box limits your options dramatically. At some point, you have to take a chance and see what unfolds.

 

Some of the best experiences and relationships I've had were with men who were totally unexpected but I followed my gut about them and gave them a shot.

[d0nnivain]

I trust my feelings completely & have always had a good sense about people especially men. Throughout my life I have always been able to find the diamond in the rough, good guys, even among the ones with bad reputations. I also know I need that love/lust at first sight instant chemistry because for me it never grows over time if it was not there initially. The love can deepen but the lust has to be from the beginning.

 

That said such information comes from meeting the guy in person. You can't tell anything except maybe superficial attraction based on a nice picture from the internet. You also have to assume the picture is the most flattering & the person doesn't really look like that. Profiles on dating sites should only be used to measure whether you want to meet the person IRL & maybe for some conversation starters. Beyond that, they are useless. Put very little stock in them.

 

You also seem to have a lot of hang-ups. Thinking that a massage is a bad thing, way to spread germs & saying that you could "never" touch a person like that . . . if you can't do skin contact on somebody's back, how are you going to have sex? if your issue is more that the man's early pre-meeting inquiry into something so intimate turned you off as being too forward, that is a different issue. Everybody draws their boundaries differently & if that is where you draw yours, fine but to rule out a sensual pleasure altogether seems a bridge too far to me.

Edited June 12, 2019 by d0nnivain

[Mr. Lucky]

I don't understand the above sentence. Did you mean a massage??

 

Are you equating therapeutic massage with some type of seedy "Happy Ending" massage?? Two totally different acts.

 

I'm a bit confused...

 

Unless you can get germs through your broadband provider, think she did mean massage. Also got a kick out of "'love at first sigh".

 

OP, you have a number of interesting assumptions about people and relationships. Real world experience might bring some clarity to your thoughts about love and life. Time to step away from the keyboard...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Springsummer]

I don't understand the above sentence. Did you mean a massage??

 

Are you equating therapeutic massage with some type of seedy "Happy Ending" massage?? Two totally different acts.

 

I'm a bit confused...

 

Yes, Massage。Not sharp with English words.

 

Not equating. I have done massages many times. once even with a male in a high-end resort. However, I would assume in this case, it's at least erotic in nature.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Yes, Massage。Not sharp with English words.

 

Not equating. I have done massages many times. once even with a male in a high-end resort. However, I would assume in this case, it's at least erotic in nature.

 

You did the right thing. He was just looking for sex with that massage question.

[Springsummer]

I trust my feelings completely & have always had a good sense about people especially men. Throughout my life I have always been able to find the diamond in the rough, good guys, even among the ones with bad reputations. I also know I need that love/lust at first sight instant chemistry because for me it never grows over time if it was not there initially. The love can deepen but the lust has to be from the beginning.

 

That said such information comes from meeting the guy in person. You can't tell anything except maybe superficial attraction based on a nice picture from the internet. You also have to assume the picture is the most flattering & the person doesn't really look like that. Profiles on dating sites should only be used to measure whether you want to meet the person IRL & maybe for some conversation starters. Beyond that, they are useless. Put very little stock in them.

 

You also seem to have a lot of hang-ups. Thinking that a massage is a bad thing, way to spread germs & saying that you could "never" touch a person like that . . . if you can't do skin contact on somebody's back, how are you going to have sex? if your issue is more that the man's early pre-meeting inquiry into something so intimate turned you off as being too forward, that is a different issue. Everybody draws their boundaries differently & if that is where you draw yours, fine but to rule out a sensual pleasure altogether seems a bridge too far to me.

 

I totally agree that lust is inseparable for opposite sex love. I think that's what separate it from other type of love.

 

No, I didn't mean get germs from massage. I meant germs from sex. yes, too early for intimacy.

 

yes. I do have a lot of hang-ups and I know like someone said I might have to bite those bullets if I don't want to be alone forever.

 

maybe that's my problems. I need to identify all my hang-ups and address them. such as, I don't want to be a step mom, number 101 etc....

 

of course I like sensual pleasure, I am not frigid. I just don't like the idea I am one of his countless pleasure. I would hate it. If we call that hang-up...

[The Outlaw]

I trust them a lot more than I trust people. My intuition has sharpened over the years, and I've gotten older and more wiser. And it isn't love at first sight, you just like what you see, we all do.