truthorconsequences7 Posted June 10, 2019 Share Posted June 10, 2019 I love my boyfriend and have been with him several years. He is totally in love with me and that will be hard to find in the future if we don't work out. We are no youngsters either. I'm just stuck - despite our love and desire to live together I just stop in my tracks b/c he doesn't have much in terms of income and assets and I am very comfortable. Told him for a long time I won't let him move in unless I'm comfortable he has a handle on his money issues - in other words, all current with bills and is saving a decent amount. I learned he essentially ran almost out of $ in his account until he gets his check this week. This is the kind of stuff which unnerves me - he has agreed to pay me a certain amount, but what happens when he can't?. He makes fun of me knowing about his finances - he'll say things like "If I want to know what's in my account today, I'll ask you" and "of course, you know what I spent today because you keep tabs". This is true but I don't find it funny; I do it b/c I'm nervous about him being transparent about this sometimes. So he'll say "just ask me" - but I have a hard time believing him sometimes and I don't know how to get over this. He used to hide things from me with regard to his $ but doesn't seem to have done this for several months. Then he'll say it doesn't cost any more for me to have him move in but I'll reply that's not the point - if he's living with me, he should pay a fair amount in light of his income. He brings up his sister in law who doesn't pay anything to her new husband (who is a millionaire) - and then he'll admit I'm not in that category. He also lacks any plan to save money other than moving in with me which will cost him less he claims so he can save more. Meanwhile, he's pushing me to take a vacation - where's his share supposed to come from? I just don't know if I'll ever trust him and if it's worth hanging in there to see if time heals this concern. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulCat Posted June 11, 2019 Share Posted June 11, 2019 Good grief, not you again.... Seriously? How many times?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted June 11, 2019 Share Posted June 11, 2019 well perhaps give him the boot and come back to the forum with a broken heart post. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyplanetmoon Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 Either accept him for who he is and let him move in or don’t let him move in and keep things the same. If you do accept and let him move in you both need to set boundaries around money on both sides. Agree on a monthly amount that he has to keep to. And you agree to leave his money money alone. He is an adult you are not his mother. What does it matter if he spends all his money as long as he is not treating you as a piggy bank. Just be aware that there is some dysfunction between you two and having him move in will make the problem worse. Unless you both do counselling and work regularly at maintain health boundaries. I am a saver. My ex was a spender. Spent 15 years and now he is moving on. Think I will be searching for a saver. Less stressful. Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 Good grief, not you again.... Seriously? How many times?? Way too many times. And she never returns, just creates a new id. This is super weird behaviour. It's creeping me out. Link to post Share on other sites
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