Denial

[mark clemson]

I recently came across the Wikipedia article below about denial. I think LS'ers see a LOT of this particular type of mental gymnastics happening in relationships and other types of romantic/sexual activities. We see it on various sections of the board.

 

So, I'm posting the article below for folks' general knowledge to help people recognize some of the specific types as well as the impact it may have on posters' mindsets/attitudes.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Denial

 

If you run across online links/articles on denial that you feel are really informative, please feel free to post them below.

[crispytoast]

I'm willing to bet that the type of people who are in denial likely aren't going to have the self-awareness to stumble into this thread and identify with it. And if we try to pull them here they will deny that they are in denial.

[somanymistakes]

Sure, a lot of people are in denial.

 

Sometimes including the posters insisting that the OTHER posters are in denial

 

(No that's not aimed at anyone in particular!)

[preraph]

An old bipolar friend of mine confessed she had been abused by her father. she didn't go into detail but it sounded like physical abuse rather than sexual abuse but that is not certain. At her wedding which happened and her parents home, her father stuck his tongue down my throat just after the vows in front of his wife and the bride. I had already seen him attention-seeking on one other occasion at a family Thanksgiving where he monopolized the event by crying and feeling sorry for himself. So I already knew he was a mess.

 

My friend took parenting classes before having her one and only child because she knew she had modeling issues. But once she had her child, she kept wanting to take him around the grandfather, which she should have known better than to do. But being also a narcissist, it was just another way for her to get attention.

 

Periodically over the years when she was in thick with her father, acting hysterical when he went in the hospital and things like that, I would be surprised. And she wouldn't have a clue what I was talking about. She completely went through periods when she buried all that she knew.

 

She even invited me out to meet her at his ranch one time and I am not one to mince words. I reminded her that I never wanted to be around her father again ever since he stuck his tongue down my throat at her wedding. She had chosen to forget about that too. That one section in the link about psychoanalysis clearly describes what was going on.

 

I read all of Sigmund Freud back in about 1972, 12 encyclopedia volumes, his entire work and case histories. so that was familiar to me but it has been a very long time since I've read it again and I wonder how it would hold up now if I read it. Freud is largely considered to be wrong about his major theory, but having read everything I will just say that he was write about many other things, a real groundbreaker who wrote about just about every peculiarities of the human psyche, though I agree it's not all about Mommy.

[Fekenaws]

In my opinion, being in Denial is strange because I'm often partly aware that I'm not being honest with myself, while at the same time deluding myself into having unwarranted hope.

 

Maybe other people are different and they truly can't see they are headed for disappointment, not that it matters in my case cause I still charge in head first anyway

[Sunlight72]

Yep, denial can be dangerous.

 

It is also important to remember in real life almost nothing is black and white.

 

The spectrum of gray for denial becomes trust and investment at the other end.

 

Where exactly is the tipping point?

 

To me, that seems the difficult question.

 

I have had the patience and trust I have given be rewarded. I also feel loved and valued when someone sticks with me when I'm in a difficult time and not giving very much at that time, so I remember this and like to offer it to others without analyzing them too much if I've already chosen to put them in my circle of trust.

 

 

I don't have a bell that goes off when the boundary is crossed from faith to denial.

[mark clemson]

I agree, for folks who have "blind spots" it can be hard to tell. If you're considering that it might be denial, you're probably pretty safe. Since you're still thinking rationally.

 

I think what's more dangerous for those who have it is, e.g. Flat Earthers for whom the denials leads to feelings of aloofness/superiority to others and (IMO) becomes part of their identity. Those people are really stuck, IMO and will take years to figure out they're in denial (if ever).