Shivzo Posted March 21, 2019 Share Posted March 21, 2019 My ex and I are trying things out again, we've been on and off since 2013. We broke up in December 2018 due to me cheating on her by kissing another Female. We were in a "exclusive" relationship at that point, I did suggest before I cheated on her that we should try to see other people. We recently got back together and had "the chat" She claims from 2013 to December 2018 even though we were on and off she didn't do anything sexual with anyone else but me, yes she kissed guys which I don't care, while I have slept with 10 other females over the years while being on and off with Girlfriend at the time. She slept with 2 guys in December, which I accept as she claims she been loyal since 2013 we would have sex over the years constantly. I feel guilty because everytime we got back together she would ask me if I slept with someone, I would respond with no. I told her everything in Jan 8th that I have slept with other people because I thought it was the last time ever I'd ever get talk again due to her knowing my shady past. She was angry at me for lying to her, ofc she would be. Recently we had a chat people we've slept with, she claims 5 people, 1 of them being me, 2 before we got into this on and off mess and 2 in December when I kissed another Female. Which is fair, but I've slept with 10 different woman since 2013, I find it difficult to understand why would she be not as pissed off at me, as this makes me feels she's hiding something. She said at the start it was 6 people but then confirmed it was 5. My girlfriend is the type of person who knows her details, knows certain dates etc so she would never say I think or maybe about the people she's slept with. I just don't understand, if she is telling the truth why hasn't she had any sexual encounters (sex or "doing" stuff) since 2013 with me while I have since then. Is it my Guilty Conscience making me paranoid knowing she has little sexual experience or should I go with my gut and seek out answers? If so how do I initiate the conversation? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 21, 2019 Share Posted March 21, 2019 No-one really knows apart from your gf who she slept with, so you either accept her version of events or you go on doubting her and it affects your relationship or you just split up as you do not trust her to tell the truth. I have no actual idea if she slept with 5 people or not, but it is entirely possible, some people are very monogamous and if in love will not want to sleep with others. Despite it being on and off she may have been true to you. BUT saying that, some women do tend to "protect" their numbers so some may not be entirely honest about who they slept with. Her tally may in reality exceed yours, who knows? Usually people avoid getting themselves all tied in knots over numbers, by not bringing up the subject up in the first place. It is unfortunate that this has become such a huge issue for you. Second chance relationships often founder on who slept with who during the break/breaks as not only do they have to contend with the issues that split them up in the first place, but also they have to deal with the jealousy, lack of trust and paranoia arising from what happened in the period apart... (btw People who cheat, tend to project their own behaviour onto others, so for instance the guy who is cheating himself is always accusing his innocent gf of cheating. He assumes because he is cheating, she MUST be cheating too...) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shivzo Posted March 21, 2019 Author Share Posted March 21, 2019 I do get what you mean buddy (most recent reply on this) Its just she made it clear that it was 5 people only, 2 of them being recent December 2018. She claims to be loyal to me since 2013 to December 8th 2018. We've always had sex together for the last 5 years, always unprotected, while when we broke up or just messing around with each other . I have had sex with other females while having sex with ex, when she asked me when we got back together few times she'd ask me if I slept with people, I'd say no. But that is all out in the open now. I just find it hard to believe that she isn't that pissed at me than I would imagined. Yes she did say to me she was jealous and I should take it in consideration she wouldn't get jealous if she didn't care who I slept with. But from things in the past she'd go ape **** and mad but she didnt take it that bad which wierd. Once again am I over thinking or ideally should I belive her and take her word because she has been a very honest girl to me. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 21, 2019 Share Posted March 21, 2019 People go on & on about how important honesty & transparency are but that ignores the reality that sometimes you are better off not knowing. In this on & off again dysfunctional merry-go-round you need to accept that when apart you both did things with other people. Just assume that as a baseline back & move on. Do not ask for or share details, beyond medical ones -- nobody was with somebody who has diseases or is an IV drug user & everybody used condoms. Meanwhile you both get tested routinely each time you get back together including the 6 month follow up. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 21, 2019 Share Posted March 21, 2019 I have slept with 10 other females over the years while being on and off with Girlfriend at the time. With you having done this, clearly you felt you had a license to play around. Since she was the other side of this on-again, off-again relationship, why does it matter to you so much what she's done - or hasn't done? Seems the very definition of a double standard... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 21, 2019 Share Posted March 21, 2019 Good lord, do you want to be together or not? Do you get along or just sit around counting how many people each of you have been with? It doesn't sound like a great match. She may be so off men because of the way you tried to make an open relationship and then cheated all over town that she's lost her appetite for men in general. Certainly she'll have trouble ever trusting one again. You should feel guilty for how you've treated her. You should get OUT of her life and let her move on and find someone who she can love and trust. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 21, 2019 Share Posted March 21, 2019 As she is now pregnant with your baby, are you seeking some justification for leaving her? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 21, 2019 Share Posted March 21, 2019 As she is now pregnant with your baby, are you seeking some justification for leaving her? I forgot that she's pregnant. Shivzo -- get a paternity test. If the baby is yours do right by the child but stop trying to put this relationship back together. You & this woman are bad for each other. Don't make your kid live through your drama. Link to post Share on other sites
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