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How the heck do happily married women lock down a man?

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Old 13th March 2019, 4:07 PM   #16
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It is all about choosing men who are "the marrying kind" to date.
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Old 13th March 2019, 5:15 PM   #17
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A woman can't lock a man down. But she can find a man who chooses to stay. I agree that it's about looking for a man who is relationship minded.
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Old 13th March 2019, 5:17 PM   #18
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I can only speak from my personal experience.

I never set out to “lock a man down” in fact, I never imagined being married really. I enjoyed causal relationships and never wanted kids, so didn’t really see the point.

But, then I met someone I was extremely compatible with. Someone who I almost immediately could not imagine my life without.

His actions and his words made it clear he felt the same way. We talked about growing old together, and started building a life together.

I never felt like I was competing for his attention. I never worried about other women because I feel that I care for him, understand him, take care of him in ways that someone else wouldn’t be able to.

And as crazy as it may sound, he even cheated once (9 years ago) and even then I never felt like she was a threat.

I don’t know, I am an extremely confident person and have never really spent much energy comparing myself to others or worrying about things beyond my control.

I do take care of myself physically, pride myself on maintaining a youthful appearance (I think not having kids makes this one easier!).

Otherwise- I am a bit of a tomboy and have always found connecting with men easy. But I am also “traditional” in that I do the grocery shopping and cook dinner every night. I take care of the home - and him (he jokingly calls me “doctor recent” as I am always treating injuries, wounds etc).

I also have a high earning career - but that didn’t develop until years after we got together.
Sorry for all of the typos! On a cell phone that thinks it is smarter than me
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Old 13th March 2019, 5:18 PM   #19
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Honestly? You’re thinking here is part of your problem. I didn’t “lock down” my husband. He chased ME. I didn’t “need a man”. I was truly happy single. But damn...he came along, was the whole package, treated me amazing from the beginning, never played games...and he won my heart, devotion and love.

And in return? I’m his partner. We make a kick ass team, we have a lot of fun together and a great relationship. Plus a damn cute and fiery little boy.

Do we hit bumps in the road? Yeah...that’s life. But we tackle life head on together. He’s my biggest cheerleader and I’m his. Plus, I’m a damn good cook and we have an amazing sex life. He knows he has it great and so do I. I don’t worry about having him “locked down” because he won’t cheat. He’s not going to find anything this good out there and he likes coming home to a warm meal and warm environment (loving, etc).

I don’t nag very much. I don’t have a “honey do” list a mile long. He volunteers to help when he’s home and if he’s in a busy season and I need something done? Either I do it or I have it hired out. If he wants to see his buddies then I tell him to go and have fun (and I mean it) and he does the same for me.

A LOT of it is trust, respect, love and communication. Plus, we were both not kids when we met. We didn’t have romanticized ideations of what marriage would’s hard. You live with a person every single day and sometimes you can dream of smothering them with a sock they once again left on the floor instead of the hamper. But those things? They’re small ridiculous details and not worth fighting over. So we don’t.

I can’t change his 42 year old self anymore than he can change me at 40. So we don’t try and just do our best to love each other where we are.
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Old 13th March 2019, 5:25 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by RecentChange View Post

I don’t know, I am an extremely confident person and have never really spent much energy comparing myself to others or worrying about things beyond my control.

I do take care of myself physically, pride myself on maintaining a youthful appearance (I think not having kids makes this one easier!).

Otherwise- I am a bit of a tomboy and have always found connecting with men easy. But I am also “traditional” in that I do the grocery shopping and cook dinner every night. I take care of the home - and him (he jokingly calls me “doctor recent” as I am always treating injuries, wounds etc).

I also have a high earning career - but that didn’t develop until years after we got together.
A lot of this is true for me also.

I don’t worry about “what if’s”. If he cheats or we divorce? Eh. I’ll be fine. Would it suck? Yeah...but I’ll get through. I’m more than capable of standing on my own two feet.

I am also (I think) very easy to get along with and can hang with the guys and go fishing, etc on our boat with ease.

While I do have a son, I’ve “bounced back” pretty well. Not the size 0-2 I was, but a healthy 4-6. I have long hair (he likes it long...I don’t care either way, so I keep it long even if it’s in a knot looks great down) and I can dress up nicely.

I am not a slob. Even yoga pants/t-shirts are in good condition.

Plus I earn a solid living.
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Old 13th March 2019, 5:41 PM   #21
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Well, after reading all of that, my answer is probably: "I have no idea!"

I'm not particularly domestically inclined. I outsource whatever I can - groceries delivered, food delivered sometimes, cleaner hired once a month. I do take care of the majority of household responsibilities aside from that, but that's because H works much longer hours than I do. On his days off we mostly split the chores.

I do feel like we have a pretty extraordinary connection. It's been over 10 years, but we can still spend hours on end together, engaging in our many shared hobbies or even just shooting the breeze. We get along very well and have a lot of fun in almost anything that we do together. We match well in the bedroom and have great sex. We always try to do little things to make the other person happy.

I guess to me, the crux of it is that it's who WE are that keeps us together thick and thin, not who I am. I'm probably nothing all that special, to be honest. But the love and connection that WE have is special.
~Perfection is about accepting that we cannot control everything and letting go of some of our preconceived notions.~ -Spiritofnow-
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Old 13th March 2019, 5:45 PM   #22
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Op your simplistic view of what you think is marriage and even the locking a man down thing, pretty well points out the differences between you and the married women you talk about. And you don't even mention love or falling in love.
There's marrying kinds in women, and sorry to say but if those views come across in your personality then you wouldn't be the marrying kind to guys you meet. There's soooo much more to it than that.
Usually , well in my world anyway although the internet seems a planet all it's own to me so as l say , in my world anyway.
She has a quality about her, they have a much more maternal way ,she wants to devote and build a life together , a partnership and she has ways about her, attitudes, warmth and qualities that show she can do that, some of the women in this thread have it all over them..
She'll have a good mind and self respect and she won't be out there sleeping with every man she meets or just aimlessly dating dating.

When l think of a question like this , one of my sisters comes to mind, my mum, my gf comes to mind, even my ex wife, ex now but that was life and life can be damn tough on you both and marriage.
But they all have that quality , it's a kind of thing any man , well with brains anyway, thinking about marriage looks for.
ps , l know there's all kinds of married women out there and some you just scratch your head , but l'm just talking about the real deal.

Last edited by chillii; 13th March 2019 at 5:58 PM..
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Old 13th March 2019, 6:01 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by Highroller107 View Post
So I have to cook him dinner and give him a good bj and that’s it? Does that whole “connection” thing come into play also? Sounds impossible-there are sooo many hot women out there. How does one man choose 1 wife?
There are just as many hot men. They chose each other.
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Old 13th March 2019, 6:15 PM   #24
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OP, I'm single and what I've noticed is that it's not locking down a man, in a sense it's a woman letting a man try to lock her down!

It seems to me trying to stay single is one of the best ways to get plenty of marriage proposals!

To elaborate, I'd say to attract a great man prepare to be single for the rest of your life. This means finding work you're passionate about and doing it well (because no one else is going to provide for you)! Keeping yourself fit and healthy (because no one is going to be there to take care of you if you get sick)! Staying involved with a community of friends and treating them well (because no one is home to be your companion)! Staying away from clubs and partying (because you're too busy and involved with life to have time and you need to get up the next morning and get plenty of work done)!

These are just a few of the things that it seems to me attract the good kind of men. I think if you do all of the above you may find yourself having a hard time trying to remain locked in a single lifestyle! At least it's worked that way for me.

I'm sure there are other ways to get partnered up but I haven't had the need or the time to find out what they may be!
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Old 13th March 2019, 6:53 PM   #25
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"Locking down" isn't a thing. Like basil said, you can't make anyone want to get married. Either you're right for them or you aren't.

I broke up with some people in my life. Some of them broke up with me. It wasn't about either of us being better or worse than the other, we just weren't a good long term match. When my husband's ex told him she wanted to get engaged or break up, he said he would rather break up. When I first mentioned marriage he was fully onboard. We're just a good fit and we want to keep being together.

That said, gratitude and respect goes a long way, as other posters have pointed out. If you always say thank you and please and try to consider your spouse as an independent person, not just a function of you, you'll do well. Remember, marriage is about so much more than appearance and sex. Everyone wants a partner who is friendly, helpful, and fun to be around. Being a supportive person and a good conversalist goes a lot farther than short skirts.

Last edited by lana-banana; 13th March 2019 at 6:56 PM..
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Old 13th March 2019, 6:57 PM   #26
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You can find good men anywhere if you are a good woman. That means being a loving partner who wants to share her life rather than a gold digger who only cares about what a man can do for her. If you have a lot going on & bring good things to the table but can stand on your own two financial feet it is possible to find a good man.

Once you are outside of an academic environment it does take some effort. When I found myself single in my late 30s I made the effort to put myself out there. It can be tough because you don't have posse of friends to go out clubbing with so you have to become more comfortable on your own or you have to expand your network of friends.

I made sure I did at least one social thing per week: a Meet Up; a singles thing; alumni events; a networking event; anything where I could meet new people. Try niche singles things. I went to one group called Leashes & Lovers where you could bring your dog. It was a pet thing not a kink thing. I signed up for a golf thing where they put 2 women & 2 men together to play. I figured 9 holes in the sun was still better then a lot else even if the companions weren't ideal. The trick is to find something you enjoy.

Volunteer. Get involved in your community. Realize every day is an opportunity. This will require you to get your nose out of your phone & warmly engage with everyone including that security guard from work who annoyed you in your other thread. He may have had a BFF who was perfect for you or known an executive on another floor that has had his eye on you.
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Old 13th March 2019, 7:04 PM   #27
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I can't speak for the OP, but I don't see the use of "lock down" as a form of control like I think some of you guys are...I think she is referring to a guy that hangs around for the long haul and doesn't grow bored, weary, resentful, etc...

I use that term for customers as well..When I say "lock down" it means that they are very satisfied, ive earned their trust, and they wont shop around...Its the same deal...

"If all you do is what you’ve always done, all you will get is what you always got.”
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Old 13th March 2019, 7:05 PM   #28
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As others have implied, OP, you might want to examine your views on men and relationships as you search for the answers to your questions. Maybe you were just using jargon when mentioning "locking down," a man, but like others have said, most happily married guys are not locked down. I would suggest that a lot of the unhappily married guys are the ones who are or feel "locked down."
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Old 13th March 2019, 7:10 PM   #29
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Here is another thing to consider....

Good looking and successful men always have options..Even as they get older...Not that some don't disregard all that and only see their wife as the "be all and end all", because obviously many do...But offers are as common as feet on humans...

But I think one of the reasons you see more women than men "dating down" in terms of looks is that those guys will usually have less(or no) options, so it's far less likely for those guys to go away....They never get the opportunity to...

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Old 13th March 2019, 7:17 PM   #30
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How in the world do they lock a man down who isn’t going to make his eyes wander? When there is competition among other women that are younger, hotter, even funny?
This just makes me really sad. Do you believe every man will just up and leave his partner for someone younger and hotter? That is like sitcom levels of shallow. Men are not all lazy cheating slobs who just want the hottest woman who will sleep with them. If you think of all men in this light, that may be why you have a hard time understanding the ones who want a serious relationship. Not to mention the women---other women aren't your competition. They're just women.

Or are these men Just good and have a good belief system who believe in the institution of marriage and monagamy?
Well, yes, obviously a guy who believes in monogamy is more likely to commit than a guy who doesn't. And of course you want to have a long-term partner with a good belief system. If they didn't, they'd be a terrible choice.

Where are these men and where can I find them? If that even insists. Or are these women just plain lucky?
Of course luck is a big factor in it, but you make it sound like women are starving hyenas hoping to sink our teeth into a single eligible bachelor strolling alone across the savanna. I don't think that's how it goes. Almost all of my friends are married and none of us are supermodels or fabulously wealthy. We just try to be decent partners to the men we love.
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