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Questioning why someone is interested in you.


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Old 14th February 2019, 10:53 PM   #1
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Questioning why someone is interested in you.

Have you ever done this before? You know, if someone is interested in you, you think to yourself "Why?" For example, I remember someone being interested in me in the past. At first, I was excited about someone being interested, but given the state that I was in at the time, I wondered what it was that she liked about me. Not to sound like I was down on myself, but looking back (Hell, even during that time), I even thought that I was in no shape to date and even I wouldn't have dated myself. I remember asking her later on what she liked about me and she said "I don't even know."

I am curious about this. It's almost like when someone will say, "You don't want someone like me."
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Old 15th February 2019, 6:07 PM   #2
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I was a freshman in HS. The captain of the j.v. football team passed me a note through his buddy another football player in my grade telling me he thought I was cute. I freaked & assumed I was about to be the victim of some horrible teenage humiliation thing.
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Old 15th February 2019, 6:41 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
I was a freshman in HS. The captain of the j.v. football team passed me a note through his buddy another football player in my grade telling me he thought I was cute. I freaked & assumed I was about to be the victim of some horrible teenage humiliation thing.
Was there any follow-up to that? I mean that sounded kind of sketchy, but at the same time, it's possible that he may have liked you. Of course, I wasn't there. I was the same way, by the way. I remember anytime someone told me that a girl liked me, I often replied with "No, she doesn't" or "Yeah, right." I remember a good friend of mine even told me that someone liked me but I didn't believe him. It's possible the person actually DID like me.
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Old 15th February 2019, 8:21 PM   #4
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I hid from him for several years. During my senior year we had reason to have a conversation & he shared with me that I had really hurt him. I explained that I thought I was being punked. Given our relative social status -- jock v nerd -- in hindsight he understood why I may have not trusted his intentions. I never saw of heard from him again after HS graduation.
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Old 15th February 2019, 8:41 PM   #5
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all the time...it always comes as a surprise to me ......why a guy would like me...especially when i know the type of women they normally date....im a bit of an ugly duckling....well a lot of ugly duckling...one ex boyfriend of mine once told me that i grew on him....i grew more beautiful the more he got to know me...and that i made him feel good whenever i was around....maybe thats true.....i dont know..maybe it was a line....but it was a sweet line....

but yeah i always ask a guy why they like me.....most havent had a definitive answer.....deb
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Old 15th February 2019, 9:07 PM   #6
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This is so common, showing up in disastrous ways in adult relationships... many people think they're not good enough to be loved or even liked and will sabotage themselves left and right.
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Old 15th February 2019, 9:39 PM   #7
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This is so common, showing up in disastrous ways in adult relationships... many people think they're not good enough to be loved or even liked and will sabotage themselves left and right.

the love of a good man or a good woman can often heal those many people who feel they are not good enough.....love can and has been proven to heal...many disasters..i dont even mean as boyfriend girlfriend i mean just people loving those who need it.......deb
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Old 15th February 2019, 9:41 PM   #8
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the love of a good man or a good woman can often heal those many people who feel they are not good enough.....love can and has been proven to heal...many disasters..i dont even mean as boyfriend girlfriend i mean just people loving those who need it.......deb
I believe this is true.
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Old 16th February 2019, 7:24 AM   #9
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I usually ask myself : « Why me, and not the other girl he was talking to before me? », but I never ask the question. I don’t have the highest self-esteem, so sometimes it’s hard for me to understand why someone would choose me instead of a girl with a prettier face and bigger boobs.
Last weekend, we had a long conversation about how we felt and that’s when he told me why he was with me... his answer being : You’re amazing because you’re funny and you laugh at everything, your smile lights up any room, you’re smart and seeing you debate different topics is so entertaining, you’re the most loving and caring person I’ve met, you’re beautiful and hot, you’re easy to talk to and make people at ease so easily, I can be myself with you the good, the bad and the ugly, and you’re easy to live with because you don’t make unnecessary drama and you’re comprehensive.
I was like... well thank you, I wasn’t expecting that much
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Old 16th February 2019, 7:41 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by E-Squared View Post
...given the state that I was in at the time, I wondered what it was that she liked about me. Not to sound like I was down on myself, but looking back (Hell, even during that time), I even thought that I was in no shape to date and even I wouldn't have dated myself. I remember asking her later on what she liked about me and she said "I don't even know."

  1. Some people like a "project", they want someone to "save". They want to care for and kiss the "damaged" person all better.
  2. Some people see something in a person that mimics their own issues or their own personality. "He is shy, I am shy, we will get along like a house on fire."
  3. Some people see a "bargain" - "He is is not great but with a few tweaks here and there I can make him into something better, better than something I could normally attract anyway."
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Old 16th February 2019, 1:49 PM   #11
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  1. Some people like a "project", they want someone to "save". They want to care for and kiss the "damaged" person all better.
  2. Some people see something in a person that mimics their own issues or their own personality. "He is shy, I am shy, we will get along like a house on fire."
  3. Some people see a "bargain" - "He is is not great but with a few tweaks here and there I can make him into something better, better than something I could normally attract anyway."
I have heard of women who feel that they can change someone. It doesn't always work.
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Old 16th February 2019, 2:12 PM   #12
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I have two phases - in the early stages of matching with someone and dating them for the first month or two, I totally think I’m great and understand why they like me.

BUT - when they keep liking me after the initial stages, I then start to think “why do they want me, is there something wrong with them?”. I still don’t know why I do that... I think it’s fear of intimacy and abandonment. I try to see flaws in them so I can push them away before they do, or something like that. I have to work on my psychological issues obviously. I think I have a “fearful avoidant” attachment style.
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Old 17th February 2019, 6:54 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by E-Squared View Post
I have heard of women who feel that they can change someone. It doesn't always work.


l don't see how it would ever work.
But yeah they do say women hope to change him into more what she thinks he should be, but he wants her to stay the same because that's who he was attracted to in the first place.
Me , yep l have been suspicious and questioning as to why she is really interested in me but l did have good reason to be,

Last edited by chillii; 17th February 2019 at 6:59 AM..
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Old 18th February 2019, 4:14 PM   #14
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Maybe that person saw something there that you didn't?
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Old 19th February 2019, 7:53 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by edgygirl View Post
I have two phases - in the early stages of matching with someone and dating them for the first month or two, I totally think I’m great and understand why they like me.

BUT - when they keep liking me after the initial stages, I then start to think “why do they want me, is there something wrong with them?”.

I'm exactly the same.
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