How does a man think sexually?

[Bewildered38]

This is embarassing, be gentle with me.

 

My ex-bf of 8 years and I split up a couple of years ago but stayed in close contact. Recently, we saw each other a couple of times again and went to bed. We always had a good sex life. He works overseas and we chat on MSN Messenger most days and our chats are very sexually explicit and intimate. We both enjoy it and being so far apart from each other it feels good. We share some great fantasies too. The only thing I'm uncertain about is his feelings for me. I don't want to ask him yet as it's early days. I guess I'm looking for signs in what he says.

 

My question is this: if a man says to an ex-gf (or me in this case) that he really loves cumming inside her (me), does that mean he has feelings for her (me)? He says he can't wait to come home to f*** me (and other things) and he wishes I was in his office so he can f*** me right there. Lots and lots of things like that. Also, he says that he loves my dirty mind.

 

These may seem like silly questions but I'd like to understand what a guy may mean if he says things like this. As a woman, I feel that he may be falling in love with me again. Or is that my wishful thinking? Or should I not read anything into this at all as he's a guy and I'm putting a female spin on it? (We're both in our late 30's)

 

This is all a bit embarassing but I don't have any friends I can repeat stuff like this to. Thanks in advance.

[Merin]

Honestly.. I'm not a Guy but my feeling is this..

 

Just because this Guy says he loves cumming inside you, he wants to f'ck you and loves your dirty mind DOESN'T mean he's in love with you, or that he loves you.

 

Now I'm not saying he has zero feelings for you (besides obvious sexual attraction) but I am saying that the "Evidence" you've given isn't IMO him trying to tell you he Loves you, only that he is sexually into you.. 2 different things.

 

Good Luck

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by Bewildered38

My question is this: if a man says to an ex-gf (or me in this case) that he really loves cumming inside her (me), does that mean he has feelings for her (me)? He says he can't wait to come home to f*** me (and other things) and he wishes I was in his office so he can f*** me right there. Lots and lots of things like that. Also, he says that he loves my dirty mind.

 

your just a booty call ... This is trash talk that you say to someone you are just f**king..

 

No it isn't love

[Blackfrost]

Most likely he means exactly what he is saying to you - not too much more than that, if at all. Most men can very easily detatch sex and love: sex is an act, love is an emotion.

[RecordProducer]

I am a woman, but I disagree. Sex is best when we have strong feelings. I don't know if he is in love, but he has spent 8 years with you in the past so he was definitely in love with you once and definitely still has some feelings for you. Plus he talks to you in MSN regularly.

That doesn't mean he will get back to you. If you broke up, you had problems, but you may try and work on them. In any case, you wanted to know whether you have a chance. I would say you do.

When I fell out of love with my ex-husband I stopped desiring him. Actually we did have sex twice after the divorce (I was single and thought "why not?") and the sex sucked big time. The sex with the very same man seemed great when I was in love with him.

I doubt that men can have sex that feels great with a person they have no feelings for whatsoever.

[Blackfrost]

Ah......not true RP. I've had great sex with deep feelings for a person, but also had wild primal sex without barely having known a person for more then a few hours. Sometimes having sex with someone you don't know that well (and NO I'm not endorsing unsafe sex) can be so free, because neither of you are necessarily judging each other for whatever goes on. There is no "why is he touching me like this? where did he learn that?"

 

A great example happened to me the other night with my wife. For some reason I became fascinated with running my fingers endlessly through her long hair while we kissing away.....She freaked out? why, all of a sudden I was doing that, and why, out of having never really done that before, was I doing it now. Then she got concerned that I might be seeing someone else - and that they liked that, or god knows what else she started fathoming.......basically it kind of killed the mood for me, where i was just having a great time kissing her, and not really thinking about where my hands were, or what they were doing.....

 

Sex can be awesome either way. I guess it just comes down to various peoples sexual experiences. Granted I do much prefer the emotional bond I have with my wife in our relationship, but that's relationship talk, not sex talk.

 

Cheers

[Horse]

When He says he loves cumming inside you... he means he loves cumming inside you because it feels real good.

 

It sounds like he wants to **** you.

 

 

if he wanted more than that, he would most like be talking about how much he misses you and how he can't wait to spend time with you etc.

 

 

But he's only talking about how much he wants to **** you.

 

 

Men can have sex that feels great with women they aren't in love with.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by RecordProducer

Sex is best when we have strong feelings. I don't know if he is in love, but he has spent 8 years with you in the past so he was definitely in love with you once and definitely still has some feelings for you.

 

I'm a guy and I'd go with RP on this. But it doesn't mean he's gonna get back with you necessarily.

 

Easy test: tell him you're no longer comfortable having sex with him right now - you can't divorce it from love. Stay available emotionally and for dates, but have firm boundaries physically. See how he reacts.

[orta]

My interpretation is that this man sees you as easily accessible sex. You are there whenever he wants, he doesn't have to put much effort into anything, and the sex is apparently enjoyable to him.

 

Don't go looking for feelings; you won't find any.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by orta

Don't go looking for feelings; you won't find any.

 

After 8 years together?

[Aimée]

The whole talks are focused on sex, I'm not sure why anyone should assume that there are feelings on his part involved.

[LucreziaBorgia]

He likes the sex part, and he must have some feelings for you or else he would have ditched you in the years following your breakup. Don't make the mistake of thinking those feelings are the same sort he had for you during your eight year relationship. Those feelings that kept you a committed, loving and monogamous couple for eight years are long gone by now - they died with the breakup, and withered away in the years following your breakup. New ones replaced them as your relationship changed from a romantic love relationship to a "friends with benefits" relationship. These new feelings are based primarily on sensory, rather than emotional involvement it sounds like.

 

His feelings will be revealed not in what he could and would say to just any woman he sleeps with - but in what he says to you specifically about you and your relationship: that he misses you, can't wait to see you and spend time together, that he is sad that he doesn't get to be with you - stuff like that. Does he just talk to you, without getting sexual? About his goals in life, stuff he wants to do, things that he does on a day to day basis? Does he talk about a future with you, or include you in some way in the things he wants to do in the future?

 

If not, and 99.9999% of what you talk about is sex, or every single conversation becomes sexual - even when you try to guide the conversation away from sex - then your "relationship" is basically just interactive porn - a virtual continuation of "friends with benefits" and not the 'falling in love' that you would like for it to be.