clearwater1 Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 Hi 1st time on here and I don't know what to do I've been with my partner for 4 years and when we met she said that her late husband had left enough money for both her kids to finish school at the moment each year is about $20,000 each kid and in them 4 years she's been spending on holidays and big sporting events I mean really splashing out and ive not helped her spend it in anyway I've always paid my way and often asked really you sure that you can afford it now she's saying she's going to be $40-50,000 short when the youngest has two more years to go so she tells me in a heated argument over something else that this is on her mind and it's worrying her I'm at a loss just before I met her she bought a $60,000 car spent over $20,000 on her 50th birthday I asked her to marry me a year ago but this has really made me doubt if it can work I guess she thinks I'm going to just stump up the cash I'm having it out with her this weekend and I don't see it going well any thoughts would be greatly appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 Well, I've always looked at marriage as the start of a life together. Which means anything happening before is the responsibility of the individual party. I'd wish her good luck in her budget endeavors... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author clearwater1 Posted October 11, 2018 Author Share Posted October 11, 2018 I agree that when you get married that the past is in the past but when she spends the child's education fund hoping that I'll pick up the tab, I really don't know where yo go with it, I love her to bits but I fear this is the end of us Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 Some people are good at living within their means, following a budget, and adjusting to changing circumstances. Some people lack the impulse control, and the only way they ever really change is to have it forced upon them. She's in the latter camp, and by the time those kids graduate, she's going to be far more than just two years short. You can offer to plan a budget for her, but it's not likely her spending will rein in unless you literally take away her access to bank accounts. Either way she'll resent the change in lifestyle and end up taking it out on you. Think very carefully about what you're willing to put up with for this woman. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 I think it's important to be on the same page in this respect. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 Don't do it... If you are the type that lives frugally, and she is loose with money, it will never work...She will demean you and feel deprived if you aren't spending money on everything.. And you will resent her for not being smart with money...I know plenty of these people.. Don't "have it out" with her, though...Talk to her about it...Sit down with pen and paper and let her show you how she thinks it makes sense.. Its good to have some balance....But never get in over your head.. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Author clearwater1 Posted October 11, 2018 Author Share Posted October 11, 2018 that's the thing she's the most loving caring people you could ever meet, she would give you anything that you wanted she has a heart of gold, but I'm very practical and she's definitely not, I always thought we could overcome our differences I was prepared to help with the major dentistry on the older boys teeth but this is beyond me Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 Money makes people crazy, as you are learning. She clearly doesn't have the self control to manage it & her kids will suffer. If she's $45k short she needs to sell the $60k car while it still has value & drive something more practical. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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