jade_98765 Posted October 4, 2018 Share Posted October 4, 2018 Have you ever had a friend, sibling, cousin, etc. in an abusive relationship? I don't exclusively mean physically violent. What did you do in that situation? Did you make the other person feel unwelcome? Ignore the couple altogether? If this has never happened to you, what would you do? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 4, 2018 Share Posted October 4, 2018 I'm 0 for 2 in helping make any meaningful change in these types of relationships. One was with an older relative, the other a younger long-time employee. The relative wouldn't leave her abusive husband despite an intervention and the younger employee went back to her abuser even though I put her up in a hotel and eventually got her into a shelter. You can lead them to water... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 4, 2018 Share Posted October 4, 2018 You can lead them to water... ... but you can not make them leave? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 4, 2018 Share Posted October 4, 2018 We were young, early 20s. He was physically & mentally abusive to her. Worse he was in law enforcement. I would tell her she could do better. I would beg her to leave. I told her parents & my parents. At one point my father had a talk with her. It finally took her catching him cheating & her trying to kill herself over this to get her away from him. He died out of state a few years ago under very odd circumstances. I was appalled to know they were still in touch even though she was married with kids. All you can really do is repeatedly assure her that you will always be there for her. If you see violence call the police. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 4, 2018 Share Posted October 4, 2018 ... but you can not make them leave? Amen. The employee had a black eye looked like she'd been whacked with a 2X4 and her solution was to wear sunglasses to work... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted October 5, 2018 Share Posted October 5, 2018 All you can do is let her know that you don’t approve of how he treats her if she brings it up. If you witness physical abuse, you can report him. Other than that, you probably can’t convince her to walk away from that situation. She has to decide that for herself. All you can really do is be a friend to her if she needs to vent. Just ask Nicole Brown’s family. They probably tried their best to get her away from OJ. Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted October 5, 2018 Share Posted October 5, 2018 You should always let them know that you are there for them and that they are not alone, and that if they leave their partner, it will be ok and nothing bad will happen to them. Remind them over and over that they will be safe. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted October 7, 2018 Share Posted October 7, 2018 (edited) It's a really difficult situation, especially if the abused partner needs to get out of the relationship and doesn't. It leaves friends wondering what they can do and wondering why the person who is suffering will not get out, even with offers of help. I knew someone who was in an abusive relationship. He attacked her with a hot iron, amongs other things. No-one can look at that and say it was an accident. For all I know, she is still in that relationship, though last time I saw her she said they were living separately. I was shocked they were still in touch (given that the last thing I'd heard was that he'd been sent to prison for abusing her). I watched a programme tonight where the woman in the relationship was being seriously abused. She was afraid of leaving as he'd threatened to kill her if she did. Hearing her story, I could understand her fear. The law works slowly and I doubt she would have been protected if she had left. It is difficult to protect someone 24 hours a day even if they have their own personal bodyguard. Only witness protection or something where the victim had to move miles away and give up their identity would be likely to give them any real protection. I doubt many victims would want to give up all their family and friends to go into something like that. There are some that don't seem to want to leave though. This person I knew did not want out of the relationship. She loved him but had to keep away because he was abusive. I fear for her. Something strange seems to happen to people in this situation (it has been called Stockholm Syndrome but I doubt that is all there is to it). I have seen a very intelligent woman fall victim to this strange mental state and I realised there was nothing I could do about it. She made her own choices. She liked 'challenging' men, was not a pushover by any means. It's just that challenging seemed to become abusive very quickly. I don't know what anyone can do; it is like the victim has been hypnotised - maybe they have. Edited October 7, 2018 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
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