Jimjam77 Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 Have been seeing this girl about a year now and cannot seem to overcome this funk with her dog ruining sex. For me I do not want the dog in the bedroom at all while we are having sex. The dog whines will get super close to the bed and it is just a big turn-off. She's worried that the dog is going to be sad if we throw it out of the bedroom. I'm starting to feel like this is incredibly selfish as there is no reason that the dog has to be a part of our sex life. We are also starting to have talks about moving in together but the dog also scratches all night and keeps me up. This is me making me wonder what I have to look forward to if we did move in together... A dog keeping me up all night and having sex in front of a dog all the time? I actually like the dog but I'm accused of not liking it just because I don't want it to watch me have sex appreciate anyone's input Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 Can you say something to her while the dog is whining ? I wouldn't consider this a problem unless the dog was interfering, like licking my nutsack or something while having sex... It is just a dog... It doesn't sound like you are a dog person.. maybe you should rethink this as she is a dog person 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 Stop having sex with her if she is more concerned with the dog's feelings than yours. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 Sounds like you are setting up a "Its me or the dog" and I almost guarantee YOU will lose. BUT you have to talk this one out and lay all your feelings on the line, before you move in. If she is not willing to compromise then you may have to end it as it is unsustainable the way it is for you. Even if we forget the sex, you cannot spend years getting no sleep 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimjam77 Posted October 1, 2018 Author Share Posted October 1, 2018 Can you say something to her while the dog is whining ? I wouldn't consider this a problem unless the dog was interfering, like licking my nutsack or something while having sex... It is just a dog... It doesn't sound like you are a dog person.. maybe you should rethink this as she is a dog person Well the fact that the dog is there whining is interfering. Actually I am a dog person and have owned several dogs. There is no reason the dog has to be there watching us have sex. Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 I had a similar problem with my noiw H, in the sense that his dogs would have no rules and they'd be allowed in the bedroom at night, plus other things I did not agree with. For example, his dogs had a doggie door at his house and they'd go in and out as they pleased and obviously, sometimes it was wet outside and they'd go in, out, in out, bed, in out, bed...a filthy mess! That stopped when we moved in, we put them on a schedule. When we moved in together, I did try to sleep with the bedroom door open and let the dogs walk around, but I couldn't sleep, I'm a light sleeper, and my H understood. I'm sure it was hard for him to lock the dogs out of the bedroom, and even now, if I'm on a trip, he lets them sleep with him. But the dogs adapted pretty easily. One of them does scratch at the door and we used to put a small suitcase in front of the door at night to prevent him from doing that. Now I've gotten used to the scratching and the dog only scratches at 6 am, time to wake up! I did let go of some of my rules too. For example I wanted no dogs on the furniture or on the bed at any time, but I let that go, and they do go on all the furniture and on the bed. Just not from outside to the bed, and not when we need intimacy or sleep. I think your GF really needs to accomodate some of your rules and understand that the dog will be OK if it has some different rules. You have to let her know this is a serious issue and that you do like the dog, but it's not something minor. It's not like you are asking her to get rid of the dog, just to reach a compromise so you can have a life together, all 3 of you. I hope it gets resolved. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 (edited) i am a massive dog lover...love them to pieces like meeces..i have four have owned up to six dogs at a time...large dogs mainly ...im a rottie fan.......but.....not a fan of dogs in the room while making love.... dogs do have feelings....and one thing your gfs dog might feel is that your gf is being hurt when having sex....jealousy also can occur....its not really appropriate to have a dog being voyeur because it confuses them....they also have a highly developed sense of smell which also might confuse them....i suggest having a talk to your gf about this and explain to her her dog might be much happier having a bone to chew on and a comfy bed out in the lounge room rather than watch you two have sex....a whining dog is uncomfortable..moving closer to the bed .....and whining....i feel it might be wanting to protect her ....from you...so yeah not ideal..my rottie wouldnt let my ex lie down with me.....on the bed....she would get protective...she didnt whine though....my dog growled and had this deep rumble when she got uncomfortable....rotties dont whine much...they rumble like crocodiles.............being uncomfortable for a dog is not ideal and certainly isnt happiness..... i dont think its necessary for a dog or even right for a dog to be watching(its creepy you never know what a dog thinks really) and what her dog thinks hearing her owner moan....especially if she thinks her owner is getting hurt when she isnt....its sort of cruel and probably will give her dog anxiety and cause behavioural problems...dogs as well as people need boundaries to thrive and be happy .dogs especially thrive when they have a set routine they are used too....makes them very happy.... ..and not sad and anxious...it wont be hard to set up a routine where the dog isnt in the room while you make love....where everyone is comfortable... set some routines and explain those boundaries to your gf how it will make you feel better and her dog too......or ...maybe you might not be suitable for your gf if she doesnt see reason... it will probably cause you issues if it continues as well in performance and ...happiness.......good luck...deb Edited October 1, 2018 by todreaminblue 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mardelis Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 The problem really isn't the dog at all. The dog is just a symptom of a much greater problem, one that will most likely be the death of the relationship. Moving in together while this issue is unresolved, probably along with a bunch of others would be a huge mistake. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 This is stupid. Stop being the Beta. Take charge, tell her the dog is out of the room,...period. If she takes the dog over you then ,...well,...how stupid is that? Then that isn't someone to be with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mardelis Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 As far as the dog goes the scratching at the door should be stopped immediately. How? When the dog scratches at the door you pull it open quickly and yell "No"! in a loud, commanding, firm, yet controlled manner. Then close the door, keeping the dog on the OUTSIDE of it. Rinse and repeat up to 3 times and then if the dog still isn't cooperating put it elswhere in the house where you won't be bothered by it. As far as the dog in the bedroom goes, don't put up with this sort of nonsense. She "doesn't want the dog to be sad". That's just totally lame dogs are animals and the world can be a rough place and sometimes we don't get to be in the bedroom when our pack leaders have sex, that's just one of the concessions a dog must make in exchange for food and a roof over its head. But again none of this matters does it, because you aren't willing or able to stand your ground and your girlfriend clearly places the dogs needs higher on the totem pole than yours because just like the dog, the bad behavior isn't corrected so it continues and even gets worse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 Have been seeing this girl about a year now and cannot seem to overcome this funk with her dog ruining sex. For me I do not want the dog in the bedroom at all while we are having sex. The dog whines will get super close to the bed and it is just a big turn-off. She's worried that the dog is going to be sad if we throw it out of the bedroom. I'm starting to feel like this is incredibly selfish as there is no reason that the dog has to be a part of our sex life. We are also starting to have talks about moving in together but the dog also scratches all night and keeps me up. This is me making me wonder what I have to look forward to if we did move in together... A dog keeping me up all night and having sex in front of a dog all the time? I actually like the dog but I'm accused of not liking it just because I don't want it to watch me have sex appreciate anyone's input yeah, having pets in the bedroom when you are F*****G is pretty creepy Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 Ditch the bitch. Which one matches that label, is up to you. Seriously, if she won't put the dog out of the room for your comfort, get a new girlfriend. This is unreasonable pandering to her pet, out of a misplaced anthropomorphism. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 It`s a well known fact that all dogs are massive perverts. `Dr Boigo` Kinshasa institute of animal behavioral mysteries, has published many excellent papers. Whereas Cats are more critical and rate sexual performance. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 If you want your relationship to be over for good, you'll take some of the advice given in this thread.That "alpha/beta" male stuff is nonsense. This is her pet, in her home. Have some respect for that. If the dog is a nuisance to you, talk to her about it. Explain why you don't want the dog in the room, and don't come off as being a bossy. There is every chance she will understand. If she doesn't, then I would really question how seriously she takes the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 Or just find another girlfriend who doesn't own pets. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimjam77 Posted October 1, 2018 Author Share Posted October 1, 2018 If you want your relationship to be over for good, you'll take some of the advice given in this thread.That "alpha/beta" male stuff is nonsense. This is her pet, in her home. Have some respect for that. If the dog is a nuisance to you, talk to her about it. Explain why you don't want the dog in the room, and don't come off as being a bossy. There is every chance she will understand. If she doesn't, then I would really question how seriously she takes the relationship. This is in my home just to clarify... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 Whereas Cats are more critical and rate sexual performance. Do they hold up signs with paw prints on them... I give it 3 paws.. same boring position. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 (edited) This is in my home just to clarify... Oh man.......... So she brings her dog to your house? Edited October 1, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed rude remark 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 In cases of "it's me or the dog" the problem usually comes down to a lack of training for the dog. And a beta owner who doesn't understand that they must be boss of the dog. Personally, I'd be putting expectations of getting a dog trainer so that everyone can be happy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 This is in my home just to clarify... It shouldn't matter whose home it is since you are moving in together.. at that point it is both of yours place.. of course this isn't the legal representation.. but is still her house when she moves in as much as it is yours from the relationship standpoint... You should be able to to discuss this with her without any ultimatums or breaking up. Just have a discussion with her about it and see if she comes your way, you may however have to give some too, putting your foot down at this stage is never a good idea. If she won't work it out with you then you have your answer to how life will work from then forward with her. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 She is that dog's pack. That means she's supposed to let it sleep near her. And if she doesn't, then you're going to find out what real whining and noise is like, because it's unnatural. If she had a second dog, you might get away with it. But this is only going to cause more problems. Someone said to put the dog on a schedule. I'm saying maybe it's you who should be on more of a schedule and have sex before everyone is cozy sleeping. Then you could easily move the dog for all of the 10 minutes it takes you to have sex into a room two doors away, or let it out in the backyard for that 10 minutes, timed so it wants to go out then and do its business anyway before bed. So is it the dog that's waking up at night keeping you awake, or is it you waking up wanting to have sex keeping it awake? Anyway, having sex when the dog goes out for a break before bed sounds like the most logical plan to me. Trying to separate the woman from her loyal best friend, you will lose. I wouldn't choose any man over any dog or cat I've ever had. It's too easy to find a man who loves dogs and can ignore them if they're napping while you're not. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 You know, if at any time I want my dogs to go outside, say if I'm in the bedroom, all I have to do is put on my enthusiastic voice and say "LET'S GO OUT AND TEE-TEE!" And they go tearing outside, at which time, if I chose, I could shut the door and, for example, change the sheets. But as soon as I'm done changing the sheets, those little darlings are coming right back up on the bed to snuggle, whether they're wet or not. Some dogs will voluntarily move off the bed if you are making too much commotion. You just have to work with your dogs' natural inclinations and make the most of them. And then get a new boyfriend if he still complains. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted October 2, 2018 Share Posted October 2, 2018 In cases of "it's me or the dog" the problem usually comes down to a lack of training for the dog. And a beta owner who doesn't understand that they must be boss of the dog. Personally, I'd be putting expectations of getting a dog trainer so that everyone can be happy. Totally agree, I have a very well trained dog. My dog sleeps outside on an old armchair which is undercover, she never whines unless she hears that we're up and about or she barks if anyone comes onto the property. She knows she's not allowed on our bed or the lounge suite, so doesn't go there. If any one of us are home alone, we leave her inside and she will sleep on the floor at the end of our bed, or on my son's bed (as he allows her on the bed!) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mardelis Posted October 2, 2018 Share Posted October 2, 2018 They say that when you do behavioral training on a dog, it's not really the dog that is getting the training- it's the owner. It's a bit of an embellishment because of course the dog is learning new behaviors, but a huge part of that is how the owner deals with the dog. It's really quite simple when you break it down. When a dog does something and gets rewarded for it, it repeats the behavior. When it does something and is punished, the behavior eventually stops although it may take some repetition if the behavior is getting the dog something it wants. So for example if you say "Out!" to the dog when you want the bedroom to yourself, and show the dog you want it out of there, and reward it when it goes wherever you want it, and correct it with a stern No!" when it comes back, in a short time the dog will be laying comfortably and happy in its favorite dog bed in the living room or wherever rather than watching you perform cunnilinguis on your girlfriend. If you keep that in mind whenever you're dealing with a dog, it's very easy to stop the dog from wanting to be in the bedroom. Problem is your girlfriend. Training her might not be as easy although you could try a system of reward/punishment on her as well. What do you have to lose? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 2, 2018 Share Posted October 2, 2018 Mardelis may be correct, training your gf may be harder, but if she is adamant that she would rather the dog stays in the bedroom, despite ruining your sex life then the problem may not be anything to do with the dog... Do not let her move in until the sex issue is solved. I have seen many dog training programs where the dog or dogs and the woman sleep on the bed and the man is banished to the spare room as eventually the dog will not even tolerate the man on the bed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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