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Am I the one who's in the wrong?

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Old 18th September 2018, 4:47 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by Mr. Lucky View Post
You divorced and/or broke up with the mother of your kids, right?

It just seems strange to have you complain about something completely under your control...

Mr. Lucky
My ex decided one day that she no longer loved me. I haven't actually broken up with anyone before so it's not easy.
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Old 18th September 2018, 8:47 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by genericwannabe View Post
My ex decided one day that she no longer loved me. I haven't actually broken up with anyone before so it's not easy.
It isn't easy even if you have broken up with someone before. Nobody finds it easy.
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Old 18th September 2018, 9:21 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by genericwannabe View Post
She really doesn't bring out the best in me. I am unhappy. She hasn't got me locked in a basement, but when I do try and break up with her she sends me messages that make me feel bad and I come straight back. I hate the idea of making someone sad, but at the same time I could spend a lot more time with my children and friends if she wasn't in the picture (she gets jealous sometimes when I am at friends too).
but when I do try and break up with her she sends me messages that make me feel bad -- She sends you messages that make you feel bad and angry even when you're not trying to break up with her.

This relationship has become toxic for both of you and it certainly isn't one you'd want to ever involve your children in.

Get focused on your priorities -- your kids. Let this girl go and find one who understands the co-parenting role you are obligated to maintain and is supportive of that. Tell her you are moving on because you need a supportive partner who trusts you and appreciates that you are taking an active role in the lives of your children and that that would be a great quality in a husband/father for someone who is equally as focused and goal oriented and not all about themselves.
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Old 22nd September 2018, 9:09 PM   #19
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Your ex broke up with you. It sounds like you would still be together if it wasn't for your ex's decision. It is easy to see why your current girlfriend would be made anxious and jealous about you visiting someone who you wanted to remain with. Perhaps you should think about what you are doing here? Is there some other way you could see your children? I know it is difficult and you don't want to disrupt their routine or make them insecure.

If you want to break up with your girlfriend, you should do it. It is not helping either of you to prolong this if you have no long-term intentions towards her. At some level, she will realise this and it probably fuels the jealousy.

It is asking a lot of a girlfriend to expect her not to mind you visiting your ex-wife and children regularly. Reason says one thing, the heart says another. I think this could be more about unfinished business with your wife than anything else. Your girlfriend should know better than to stick with you in this situation. You do not have strong enough feelings for her to overcome the other challenges in a relationship.
"You ain't a beauty but hey, you're alright" ('Thunder Road', Bruce Springsteen)
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Old 22nd September 2018, 9:23 PM   #20
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Literally no one opts to see their kids at their ex's home when there's other ways to go about it. You could pick the kids up and leave and go over to your own house and the kids will make a mess and eat the food and it will be obvious you were there with them. You can see the kids at a time they can also be around your girlfriend once in awhile. It seems to me you WANT to go to your ex's house and hang out instead of doing custody any number of more conventional ways.

No woman is going to put up with that. No one is that secure (or gullible). You'd have to be an automaton to accept that situation. Don't tell me you can't change it. Everyone makes huge life changes at the time of divorce to accommodate their kids and visitation, including moving.
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
"The greatness of a nation & its moral progress can be judged by the way in its animals are treated." -Gandhi
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Old 22nd September 2018, 10:22 PM   #21
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Your girlfriend is clearly insecure and she may have good reason to feel that way. Maybe she doesn't have good reason but you fail to understand she cannot control her feelings, her messages are driven by anxiety and rather than reassuring her and comforting her and letting her know she can trust you, you send her a picture of someone sticking up their middle finger. That's going to make things much worse, not better. Rather than being compassionate and understanding you are being just plain nasty. Why are you with a woman who you find to be annoying, who makes you so mad that you feel the need to respond so rudely towards?

So yes, in answer to your question, from what I know of you and your girlfriend, you are wrong in how you are dealing with this situation.

Last edited by Mardelis; 22nd September 2018 at 10:41 PM.. Reason: spell correct
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