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Meeting xH's new SO for the first time


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Old 3rd January 2018, 12:12 PM   #1
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Meeting xH's new SO for the first time

So, next week is our daughter's 25th bday. We're having a luncheon party for a group of family and friends. And xH is bringing his 'new' SO along. They've been together around 18 months now and it's obviously serious. And from all accounts she's lovely and will be a good partner to my xH and additional maternal figure to my daughter. So, IMO she's almost bona fide family already!

She initially wasn't coming by her own choice because she didn't want things to be awkward apparently. Because of me. Spoke to xH today about it, and said our daughter wants her to come so she should! And so she is.

I'm... nervous! xH and I separated about 10 years ago but are still close friends/family. It almost feels like I'm meeting his parents all over again. I really want to make a good impression.

I've revised the seating plan, and my outfit a number of times. I think I've got it sorted now. Daughter between xH and I, and his SO next to him. But I also thought about the traditional couples across from each other so she can converse with our daughter easier. Still a little undecided about that.

As for outfit, going for understated. A white linen jumpsuit with metalic strappy sandal and clutch. Natural makeup and hair. And I'll just try to make her feel as comfortable and accepted as possible I guess. And only engage the xH with her as well.

Is it weird to be this... nervous but also excited. I'm kinda pleased that xH has found someone beyond the realm of casual that he really cares about, and that our daughter seems to really like her too. I would like her to be family.

But my best gfs have warned me that she may not be open to being embraced in this way. That she may not want me to continue to be a part of xH's life in the way that we have been. That would be disappointing.

I dunno... just going to roll with it and see what transpires I guess.

Thoughts?

Last edited by SolG; 3rd January 2018 at 12:15 PM..
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Old 3rd January 2018, 6:09 PM   #2
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Do look your best. If budget allows consider having your hair & make up done or do something else that makes you feel confident & on top of the world.


Plaster a smile on your face; know you look great; be gracious & focus on your daughter. Limit alcohol.


If you are struggling during the event have a prearranged signal worked out with somebody (Not your daughter or EX) to have them walk you outside or something.


When you get home fall apart behind closed doors if you have to. But you won't.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 6:13 PM   #3
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You are MILES ahead of me with regard to acceptance of a new person in your ex's life, so for that, I congratulate you and say you're doing a GREAT job as a mother.

It all sounds lovely, and I would not be worried one bit about her accepting you/the situation at all. She's probably more nervous than you are! I think you should stick to your original seating plan, too. She might feel weird not being seated directly next to him. To me, that would be more "secure."

Have fun .
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Old 8th January 2018, 6:32 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
Do look your best. If budget allows consider having your hair & make up done or do something else that makes you feel confident & on top of the world.
My gfs told me to do the exact same thing! I did the exact opposite. Lol! Flowing backless summer maxi with flat sandals. Minimalist makeup and hair out long and beachy (oh how I love salt spray!). I really wanted to make sure I wasn't intimidating and I think pulled it off.

Funny thing, I deliberately wore flats because while I'm not massively tall I am taller than average. And his new SO is taller than me and wore five inch heels so she towered over me! She had obviously taken a lot of care with her appearance and looked lovely.

It's amazing how different physically we are. Almost exact opposites. I'm of mixed heritage so olive skinned, brunette and exotic. She is fair, blonde and blue eyed. I'm athletic, slim and small-busted. Whereas she's very buxom.

Makes me remember when I first met xH's mother. Virtually the first thing out of her mouth was, 'Oh... she's not blonde!'.

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Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic View Post
You are MILES ahead of me with regard to acceptance of a new person in your ex's life, so for that, I congratulate you and say you're doing a GREAT job as a mother.

It all sounds lovely, and I would not be worried one bit about her accepting you/the situation at all. She's probably more nervous than you are! I think you should stick to your original seating plan, too. She might feel weird not being seated directly next to him. To me, that would be more "secure."

Have fun .
Thanks CO. Thing is we loved each other in a special way for a long time and brought a wonderful child into the world. Even if our M didn't work out the way we thought it would, we will still always be family and care about one another. And that includes wanting the other to be happy and find new love. Our daughter may be an adult, but our happiness still plays into hers. Who wants to be those parents who inflict stress on their children every special occasion because they can't get along? Not us!

It went really well and we all enjoyed ourselves. I went with the new SO and xH seated next to each other. There was a little awkwardness to start with, but that disapated fairly quickly once the wine and chatter got into full swing.

Daughter, her bestie and I decided to push on for a cocktail after lunch and xH and his new SO dropped us off.

I know the new SO was a bit concerned about how close he and I still are, but I have it on good authority that she's now far more relaxed now she's met me and seen us all together. Yay!
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Old 8th January 2018, 7:11 AM   #5
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Congratulations on handling this potentially complicated situation so gracefully.
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Old 8th January 2018, 8:19 AM   #6
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Congratulations on handling this potentially complicated situation so gracefully.
Thank you. But not just me. Any number of people could have made the whole thing go pear shaped! xH's SO was gracious. My daughter was the consummate hostess. And my xMIL offered to come help me pack for my upcoming move.

Come to think of it xH was the only one a little off kilter. But I can understand that.
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