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I am angry at myself and need ?

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Old 10th November 2017, 3:59 AM   #1
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I am angry at myself and need ?

I was having a hard time trying to make a title but I need an opinions of others who are more experience to see what I going through is normal or acceptable?

So I am home typing pretty upset that I messed up by calling my significant other pathetic while we were driving home after diner. I said pathetic because honestly it just slipped out of my mouth while she interrupted me and tried to put the idea in my head of owning $20,000 SUV is stupid (Just a stupid topic where were talking about). I honestly just wanted her to shut up and let me finish what I was going to finish saying. But after I said that she's replied Her: Let me out of car and Im going to walk home.

I immediately apologized and said sorry. I tried to explain to her that she interrupted me and I got so upset that you were already thinking for me before I can say anything.

Again I said lets be like grown ups and fix this, I said Im sorry, your right I should had never called you pathetic. It slipped out of my mouth and I feel remorse.
Her: You go two options take me home or I will get out of car and walk home Me: Okay I understand, but please don't leave me, Im sorry lets act like this did not happened at all
Her: She opened door of car (while we are parked not moving
(I replied)
Me: Okay Ill take you home (Its a 5 minute drive to her house and I am still trying to convince her to let me stay over and act like nothing has happened, I have been sleeping over her house for the past 5 days.

We arrive to her place, I tried telling her that I am going really like s#it and stressed because I said this you and messed up a really good date

Her: I don't care about your feelings I only care about me

Me: Aren't you being passive aggressive about this? I don't want to feel unhappy? please lets forget this and I am sorry, I know I F3ck#D up

Her: she gets out of car
Me: (I tried to get out of car but in return she's replied)
Her: You better not follow me
Me: (I get in car see her walk in house and I yelled f&$ in which I think she heard it, in my car because I was so upset that there is nothing I can do.)

Every-time when I mess up in anything my partner wants space and no matter where we at or what function. She just runs away. I don't know if she knows but it really hurts me mentally because I feel like for her she gets over it instantly and goes on to do other things. But for me it lingers for hours until i see her again and its upsetting. Because I feel so powerless :/ and angry at myself.

I am asking if this what I am dealing is normal in other relationships? Because I am here typing on these forums for someone to hear me out. Give me an opinion after 3 hours this event has occurred. While my partner is at home already passed out.

I heard the expression of don't go angry to bed, but many times I do go to bed angry because my partner is being passive aggressive about the issue and wont hear me out? is this healthy or something I should deal with even if it really bother me?
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Old 10th November 2017, 6:29 AM   #2
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There's a huge difference between saying, "would you let me finish? Gawd!" and calling your partner pathetic. Pretty sure you'd have been in the clear if you expressed your frustration in the first manner. And for you to say it just slipped out? That makes it even worse because it suggests that that's how you really feel deep down.

I don't blame her for wanting to get away from you. I mean, if I were to say, "let's think this through, you whiny douchebag," how receptive would you be to anything further I had to say? Honestly.

Last edited by lovephule; 10th November 2017 at 6:54 AM..
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Old 10th November 2017, 6:55 AM   #3
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I don't think you handled that well.
You should have stopped the argument, you say yourself that it was over something silly- so you should have stopped it before you called her pathetic. For the record I don't see the logic in owning a $20,000 SUV unless you have money to burn. To verbally attack the woman you claim to love over her opinion on this is pretty crappy behaviour, yes you apologised but then you suggested she try and handle it like "an adult" when you'd just resorted to childlike behaviour by name calling.

I used to often walk away when my ex husband resorted to name calling. Not surprising that your SO reacted this way, she doesn't want to be subjected to further put downs.

I recommend a good hard look at the way you react to minor problems, and how you can deflect these sorts of petty arguments, and a heartfelt (not in the heat of the moment) apology. Maybe add flowers/wine/chocolate?

Remember it's okay to disagree, but it's never okay to put down someone for their different opinions.
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Old 10th November 2017, 7:18 AM   #4
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You made it worse by asking her to pretend it never happened. She's not being "passive aggressive." She needs space from you. Give it to her and don't keep texting her, begging her to pretend it never happened. Just give her some space for a day.
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Old 10th November 2017, 8:31 AM   #5
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So you wanted this SUV. She said she no reason for you to own it & you called her pathetic? This was a fight over money & values? When we live an SUV is a necessity because you can't get out of our driveway without 4 wheel drive.

Her trying to jump out of the car seems an over reaction but I can understand her not wanting to talk to you in the immediate aftermath.

Send her some apology flowers. If she doesn't accept your apology understand you had no future. More marriages break up over money then anything else, including infidelity. If you two already have such divergent view points & you can't discuss things maturely you were not meant to be.
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