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Old 30th October 2017, 5:59 PM   #16
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I was with a trainer once, it was very discouraging.

He thought because he reshaped his body everyone who didn’t was lazy, he was so condescending and belittling if you weren’t clamoring to “get into shape”.

I know everyone’s different but folks that are really into fitness I find are hypercritical of other folks’ bodies.


It was truly inspiring to see you post that you embrace the aging process. Self confidence really is the only way to rebuff a mentality like your husband’s.
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Old 30th October 2017, 6:01 PM   #17
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This one time he asked me if I wanted to go to the gym and I declined. He lifted my T-shirt, nodded at my stomach and said "Are you sure you don't want to go?"
Of course I had a meltdown. He said he was "only trying to motivate me."
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Old 30th October 2017, 6:10 PM   #18
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That makes me despair of marriage. Is your only value your hotness?

You sound intelligent sexy to me.

Is he maybe heading for midlife crisis?
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Old 30th October 2017, 6:17 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rosarita84 View Post
This one time he asked me if I wanted to go to the gym and I declined. He lifted my T-shirt, nodded at my stomach and said "Are you sure you don't want to go?"
Of course I had a meltdown. He said he was "only trying to motivate me."
^^^no, a lot of them get some muscle and call their cruelty “motivation”. Keep your confidence, at 5’7 140 you probably have a body that most normal folks men and women alike would appreciate.
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Old 30th October 2017, 7:39 PM   #20
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I think I'd be more concerned about how derogatory he was about women. He seems very judgemental. That can't be nice for you.
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Old 30th October 2017, 7:47 PM   #21
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My eldest son's father was like that too, very derogatory towards women.
I laughed my butt off when he lost his hair prematurely, and developed a beer belly.
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Old 31st October 2017, 7:51 AM   #22
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Originally Posted by rosarita84 View Post
This one time he asked me if I wanted to go to the gym and I declined. He lifted my T-shirt, nodded at my stomach and said "Are you sure you don't want to go?"
Of course I had a meltdown. He said he was "only trying to motivate me."
I'm not a lawyer, but I think you are legally allowed to stab your husband for that.
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Old 31st October 2017, 8:01 AM   #23
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I'm curious how long you've been married and more importantly, how long this has been going on?

I'm with the camp that says he seems to be dropping hints about your weight and looks. He sounds super shallow and just plain rude regarding his observation of women. Beers or no beers.

Drunk words are sober thoughts. Remember that.

As far as your take on your aging process, YOU GO GIRL!
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Old 31st October 2017, 8:38 AM   #24
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A friend of mine was visiting with his wife....His wife made a comment to him about how good I looked, and why can't he do something about his "big gut and double chin" ...Another time I saw a pic of a couple I know on social media....People commented on how the guys face looked, because it looked like he was straining...She said he was trying to hold his fat stomach in...

Women do it as well...I was kinda shocked...The friend and his wife are divorced now(not over that issue, though)..

I dunno...I just think some people say things about others, purposely in earshot of their own SO to make a point about what they like or don't like...It winds up, in their mind, as being far less hurtful then saying it directly to the actual person...It's not tasteful, but I have seen it done tons of times on both sides..

TFY
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Old 31st October 2017, 8:42 AM   #25
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I sat him down and told him to keep his negative comments about other women to himself and he seemed to take it OK.
We'll see I guess.
Thanks for your input, everyone
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Old 31st October 2017, 8:49 AM   #26
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I sat him down and told him to keep his negative comments about other women to himself and he seemed to take it OK.
We'll see I guess.
Thanks for your input, everyone
I'm not sure that solves much apart from sparing you the annoyance of hearing him speak his true mind.

But if that's what works for you then so be it.

Good luck.
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Old 31st October 2017, 5:12 PM   #27
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It's a good start though so good luck with it.

But yeah , women do it do about men all the time too but when l was married l actually fell into that a bit myself . l didn't really realize it might effect my w until later on so l started shutting up then.

Women were disgusting me at the time though that's why l was sayin things. The double standards, the way they didn't look after themselves , there was a lot of stuff l started noticing around that time and the blinders were coming off big time. But l shoulda shut up and once l realized l did.
Funny though , w actually agreed with me most of the time, they got on her nerves too.
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Old 31st October 2017, 5:25 PM   #28
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Passive-aggressiveness. Gaslighting.

This is abusive and he knows exactly what he’s doing.

The bottom line is he thinks you should be fitter. You’re satisfied with your weight and the likelihood that you might gain more weight as you age. That’s the point of contention and you two need to find a way to hash it out like adults.

With that said, I consider wanting your spouse to be fit a nature desire. In my opinion, wanting them to be as healthy as possible and wanting to be as healthy as possible together for as long as possible is a natural, caring, and loving desire. Refusing to take those concerns seriously and being reconciled to gaining weight as we age can be passive-aggressiveness also.

You two need to learn to fight fair.

Work it out. Take each other’s feelings and concerns to heart without hurting each other.
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Old 31st October 2017, 7:45 PM   #29
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Women were disgusting me at the time though that's why l was sayin things.
Yes he may be getting disgusted by fatter, bigger women or he may be feeling resentful that he doesn't have a thin and petite woman, the one he feels he deserves and is entitled to, or he may indeed be disgusted by himself and is projecting. He may think he is no longer the man he wants to be.
He is also ageing and maybe to his eyes he is also getting bigger, older and flabbier than he would like, but instead of turning that anger and frustration inwards, he is perhaps taking it out on women and on you.
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Old 31st October 2017, 7:59 PM   #30
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Originally Posted by MidKnightDreams View Post
Passive-aggressiveness. Gaslighting.

This is abusive and he knows exactly what he’s doing.

The bottom line is he thinks you should be fitter. You’re satisfied with your weight and the likelihood that you might gain more weight as you age. That’s the point of contention and you two need to find a way to hash it out like adults.

With that said, I consider wanting your spouse to be fit a nature desire. In my opinion, wanting them to be as healthy as possible and wanting to be as healthy as possible together for as long as possible is a natural, caring, and loving desire. Refusing to take those concerns seriously and being reconciled to gaining weight as we age can be passive-aggressiveness also.

You two need to learn to fight fair.

Work it out. Take each other’s feelings and concerns to heart without hurting each other.
Ok but at 5'7" she is never going to be the petite woman her husband says he prefers. That is just not possible unless she lobs some inches off her legs.
Also her BMI is 21.9, well within the healthy normal range, any less and she would be verging on being underweight.
This is like telling a petite women he prefers 6' models, there is absolutely nothing she can do to fill that remit.
He is being grossly unfair here, this is not passive aggression, this is active aggression.
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