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nospam99 27th September 2017 9:13 AM

Bad first experiences with OLD
sI'm 'getting started' back in the dating game after decades away. I've posted elsewhere for 'technical' advice and one of the suggestions I received was OLD. Of course I've also seen several posts that OLD is going to be a big FAIL and a waste of time.

I decided to try anyway and 'registered' for both ourtime and elitesingles. Right away I noticed that to actually CONTACT someone the registree had to pay several dollars - certainly more than a reasonable amount to simply try out the 'service'. Well, with previous warnings about likely results, that i.e. these sites getting some money from me is NOT going to happen at least for now.

But in addition to that bad first impression, I f--ked up - and this would be funny if it happened to someone else. Ourtime, along with a bunch of other photos, showed several of 'cute' women living near me. Foolishly, because I didn't bother to RTFM (Read The F.... Manual), I clicked a control under the lady's photo thinking it would go to a page with additional information about her. After poking around I discovered I had sent her a flirt. I figured out how to 'delete the flirt' and tried to send her a message to apologize for my newbie error. Of course that's when I got the first marketing screen explaining that I had to pay to send a message. I shrugged and hoped the delete worked.

Next day (today) I get notifications that she flirted back and viewed my profile. There are also messages in my inbox which I can't read without paying. Now I want even more to apologize. So I drill the 'subscribe' options to see how little I'd need to pay just to send one message. Cheapest thing I found was a little more than $36. Sorry, pretty lady, I don't want to apologize that much. At this point I'm really pissed off at ourtime for setting that much of a revenue trap. Live and learn.

Anyway, if any loveshack reader sees this post, happens to be on ourtime, and it willing to do me the favor of passing along a message to the possibly offended woman AND loveshack allows enough communication so that I could share my ourtime userid, that of the lady and a couple of sentences of my apology, please reply. Moderators, I don't want to break any loveshack rules so please warn me if I'm getting close to that with what I just requested.

Back to my bottom line conclusion: OLD SUX and I haven't even really signed up yet. :p

d0nnivain 27th September 2017 9:48 AM

$36 isn't that much. It's the cover charge & a few drinks at a local bar. Check around OL; you might find some coupons. I found a 1/2 price coupon for e-harmony back when it was the most expensive site out there.

But the fact that there is a cost isn't the problem with OLD. Somebody owns that website ( as a business & they want to make money. Don't get mad because they want to make a buck.

The problem with OLD is that there are flakes. From that lady's perspective you look like a flake. You flirted. She was interested. You disappeared. She doesn't know why. Now she got her feelings hurt. Yes, you would like to apologize but you didn't & nobody is going to do it for you.

Read the manual & carry on.

Some sites are totally free but they don't pay to advertise Plus you get what you pay for

Cookiesandough 27th September 2017 10:08 AM

Well, that site is for seniors exclusively ,I believe, and isn't very popular yet... . Perhaps you should try a free site or at least match(I think it's much cheaper) to begin with. There are older people on there as well and more popular so a larger selection.

d0nnivain 27th September 2017 10:16 AM


nospam99 is in his 60s according to one of this first threads, the one where he received the advice to try OLD.

Wading through the 20 somethings on Match sounds tedious. Personally I'd pay $36 for ourtime, which is owned by Match, just to not have to deal with "the kids". I felt it was too young for me when I tried it in my late 30s. My 65 year old MIL says Match & most of the big name national dating sites are terrible for anybody over 40.

nospam99 27th September 2017 10:23 AM


Originally Posted by d0nnivain (Post 7425662)
Now she got her feelings hurt. Yes, you would like to apologize but you didn't & nobody is going to do it for you.

#sigh# Of course you are right. I suppose I should get off my ass, spend the $, and 'fix this'.

d0nnivain 27th September 2017 10:56 AM

You don't have to nospam & because it's OLD she may not be receptive to your apology. People lie & flake on the internet all the time. Maybe it will be refreshing & something will come of it.

Believe me I hated OLD. I only did it for 3 months. It was a terribly negative experience for me.

The cost was not its main failing.

Bfef 27th September 2017 11:06 AM

That lady who responded was almost certainly a fake profile attended to by the site owners. It's very common on dating sites and stimulates interest in subscribing by having bots reply to make it look like you're already popular. Just forget it ever happened.

nospam99 27th September 2017 1:17 PM


Originally Posted by d0nnivain (Post 7425726)
Believe me I hated OLD. I only did it for 3 months. It was a terribly negative experience for me.

I signed up for a month and sent my 'apology'. By signing up I also got to SEE the flirt and message 'she' sent as well as her profile. If she's a bot, she's a pretty sophisticated bot and is simulating an interesting woman. I'll be curious to see what the overnight brings.

Since we're turning this into a more general OLD bashing topic, do you mind sharing some details about hating OLD and why you regard it as terribly negative? I'll hazard a guess that you were inundated with predatory horndogs.

d0nnivain 27th September 2017 1:41 PM

I was not inundated. Everybody I matched with was well educated, successful & intelligent. They were all looking for something serious. I never got a single disrespectful comment.

I did e-harmony about 12 years ago. I had never had problems finding a new relationship but I was approaching 40. I had never really met a man outside of an academic environment. I'd been with a guy from grad school for 10 years. When we broke up I actually met my next long term BF at a high school homecoming football game. It was right after 9/11 & the small private school had reached out to get as many alums back as possible to comfort a firefighter who lost everybody in his house. He'd been off that day so he wasn't one of the first ones in.

Anyway . . . that's not about OLD.

So here I am approaching 40 & "everyone" said to try OLD. I was reluctant. A friend was a bartender. She was on Match. It used to make me cringe when customers would say they saw her on there.

So I decided to try e-harmony because it was the most expensive & that questionnaire thing was a p.i.t.a. I figured the guy had to be serious if he went through all that. I knew I could get a hook up almost anywhere. Not to be egotistical but no reasonably attractive willing woman has that difficult of a time finding a ONS.

So I go through all this & then the system sends you possible matches. Most I didn't find attractive or interesting but some I did so I would message them. Although I'd read The Rules -- women don't make the 1st move -- I figured OL was a little different. I couldn't very well sit across the internet with a smile & a come hither look. Most men did not respond which was demoralizing. Later I came to realize that even after you stop paying, the system still sends your profile to others so when they contact you the system says renew your membership & see who contacted you; in that sense it was similar to you having to pay to apologize to the lady.

I had set my profile to a 50 mile radius because I wanted to be sure to include NYC. I thought I'd get more matches in my age / education range that way. A lot of guys rejected me on distance alone.

But almost every night I'd sit there & message 1-3 men & I rarely got a response.

I made it to the end of the process with about 4 men. E-harmony makes you jump through a bunch of hoops before you can exchange real contact info like an e-mail address, which leads to phone #s. I was also very wary of meeting a stranger off the internet.

So I met 2 guys. Both were fine on paper. I was not attracted to either & had I met them IRL first I never would have gone on a date with them. I was really trying not to be judgy about looks on a photo only.

The other 2 guys, we just couldn't get it together to actually meet.

When my subscription ran out, I focused on meeting people the old fashioned way.

Cookiesandough 27th September 2017 1:46 PM

Similar experience with eharmony but in my 20s
I try eharmony and in my mid 20s and found it to be barren wasteland...

At least in my area. I think it's way too much effort for most people attracted to the lazy environment that is OLD

nospam99 27th September 2017 1:49 PM

Thanks for sharing, d0nnivain. I'm not getting how that was terribly negative but I suppose that's a matter of perspective.

d0nnivain 27th September 2017 1:53 PM


Originally Posted by nospam99 (Post 7425854)
Thanks for sharing, d0nnivain. I'm not getting how that was terribly negative but I suppose that's a matter of perspective.

I'd reach out to 3 men per night for let's even say 2/3 of my subscription time, so 3 x 60. That's 180 men. I bet less than 20 ever responded, which is about 10%. I don't remember how many men messaged me. I doubt it was more than 1-2 per week; over the course of 12 weeks (3 months) that is not a lot when I hear about other women getting bombarded. Most nights I'd come home & my inbox would be empty. I even tried broadening my age ranges upper & lower but that didn't help.

I just felt demoralized.

nospam99 27th September 2017 8:25 PM

Actual cost was a little less than $37 for a one month 'membership'.

Anyway I sent the 'apology' message to the woman I accidentally flirted. And I sent another message to a woman I tried to chat with but she didn't respond. And now ... both their profiles are 'unavailable'. The 'unavailable' help message has some generic BS. But I noticed that there is a control where any member can Block another member. Occam's Razor says I've been Blocked ... without any apparent notification/explanation. My message writing skills must be vehwee, vehwee baaaaaaaaaad.

Again, this would be ROTFLMAO funny if it happened to someone else. Looks like this will be in the running for the worst $37 purchase I've ever made. Good thing I didn't sign up for the 'deep discount' 6-month or one-year plans. Lesson learned. Of course this has NOT made me a fan of OLD.

If something changes, I'll post again. But I'm assuming I'm not going to be finding any 'romance' at Ourtime.

nospam99 27th September 2017 9:02 PM

WTF? The 'accidental flirt and apologize' woman sent me a very nice message and her profile is no longer 'unavailable'. Sorry if I'm wearing readers of this thread out with the drama but whatever is going on 'under the hood' at Ourtime is a mystery to me.

d0nnivain 28th September 2017 11:33 AM

See, now you are experiencing the ACTUAL problems with OLD -- people are nuts & inconsistent! Welcome to the internet age of dating. <sigh>

Rant away . . .

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