alicia24 Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 I loved to be hugged and kissed and my man isnt like that all. Sometimes he doesnt even kiss me goodbye when he is leaving for work. Am i expecting too much. How do I approach this issue without him taking it the wrong way. I can just see him getting all bent out of shape over this. Suggestions please!! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 i have dealt with this quite a bit with some diff women ALICIA24. why are u with a dude who is not affectionate enuf in the 1st place? dump him and find another. the problem here is that many women say this about their men but when we do become more affectionate and lovey dovey the women start to look at us as overly sensitive sissies who give too much. think about what u really want and be careful what u ask for cause you may get it. Link to post Share on other sites
DeaconFrost Posted May 27, 2005 Share Posted May 27, 2005 Alpha is right. A person is either affectionate or they are not. They're aren't going to change...EVER! They can't. Its something that's inborn. Your better off finding someone else. I have to disagree about the sissy thing. You only get labeled as a sissy if you act like one. Being affectionate has nothing to do with it. I'm affectionate as hell and I'm not about to change that. End of story. Alicia, I've been in your situation and its sucks big time. My ex wasn't exactly into the lovey dovey stuff either. Cut your ties and move on. Its a major issue of compatibility. Link to post Share on other sites
chaos70 Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 Hold on a sec. I think it can be nurtured out of those who aren't initially affectionate. Albeit that isn't a high success rate but if he really loves you and you let him know when you are in that affectionate fleeting moment at how much you desire that, I think people would understand it better. Since open displays of affection in Eastern cultures are sometimes considered taboo, it took me a while to warm up to that, but hugs rock now. Link to post Share on other sites
Fetish 2 Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 In the beginning, my bf was very very affectionate once he started going out and he very openly showed his affection in public. He got to a stage after about 8 mths where he started to lose this affection and it was always me who had to grab his hand. I think its in part becuase we were having problems and in part because he may have been losing interest. I told him about how i wanted and needed more affection and he has been making a conscious effort of it now... its a nice way of him showing that he wants things to work and is willing to put effort in So bring it up to your man... u shouldnt have to walk on eggshells about things... u should be open....if he gets scared then he's not ready for you and what you want... but you will never know if he can;t change his ways ifyou don't ask... Link to post Share on other sites
DeaconFrost Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 Ok change is possible, but the problem is that the affection if it is given more will only last for so long. If a person is not wired to do it will eventual feel fake and forced. Its not going to feel like it was meant...more like a chore. Like I said either your born with it or not. I can see where the possibilities exist with repressed cultures, but that's probably one of the few instances where it can work out. But hey, maybe I'm wrong... Link to post Share on other sites
Author alicia24 Posted May 31, 2005 Author Share Posted May 31, 2005 i started small. I asked him to kiss me goodbye every morning when he leaves for work, and so he has. EVERYDAY. i told him it was really important to me. one morning he walked out the front door without kissing me, and 10 seconds later came back in saying he forgot something. then he walked over and kissed me. its a start. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 You cant force someone to be affectionate. It wont be geniune. Do you want truth and reality,...or do you want fake-affection? You cannot get lovey dovey with people who are emotionally unavailable. Link to post Share on other sites
DeaconFrost Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by scarlyjones You cant force someone to be affectionate. It wont be geniune. Do you want truth and reality,...or do you want fake-affection? You cannot get lovey dovey with people who are emotionally unavailable. This is what I was trying to get at. Thanks for being more direct . Link to post Share on other sites
beesknees Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by alicia24 i started small. I asked him to kiss me goodbye every morning when he leaves for work, and so he has. EVERYDAY. i told him it was really important to me. one morning he walked out the front door without kissing me, and 10 seconds later came back in saying he forgot something. then he walked over and kissed me. its a start. way to go, alicia24. i think some people are not as inclined to be as affectionate as others, but maybe he just didn't know how much you liked it. starting small is a good way to go, and sounds like he's making the effort. you don't ask... you don't get. Link to post Share on other sites
Fetish 2 Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 I think it was a good idea what you did asking him to start with something small like that..and him makin the effort like that shows he is willing to make some changes for you I did the same thing with my bf... I just told him, you know, when we get out of the car, or when we go out...you be the one grabing my hand etc...and he has been doing it... In some cases it will be that if its forced its not worth it, but in other cases, they just don't know if youdon't tell them how important it is to you and they are willing to make and effort and mean it if you ask... Keep it up. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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