Problems with GF

[Reject1]

I am military and I met this amazing girl almost a year ago. It has been great and we eventually started talking about our future together. Recently it has been hard because she is really busy with school and since we live almost an hour apart I don't get to see her as much as I would like to. So this has resulted in some arguments where I feel like.i should be a higher priority (maybe I'm an ass for that). Well, the time has come for deployment and all I want to do is spend as much time as I can with her. Anyways, this has increased the arguing and out of nowhere she asked for time to think about what she wanted to do. That she is stressed and not happy.

 

I'll admit I haven't been the man I should be. I tend to think that the stresses of the army are worse than hers and it causes me to just get into arguments with her. It's been a day since we've talked and I realize that I need to be the one who she can come to in order to relieve her stress, that I need to be patient and just be there for her. Anyways, she asked for time (we are still together) and I'm wondering if this is an instance where I should fight for it or let her have some time to think. I just want to tell her that I'm sorry and I want to be here for her like I should be. assuming she does love me still and asked for time what do yall think I should do? This sucks and all I want to.do.is our my heart out to her but I'm pretty sure that wouldn't help right now. So.do.i just suck it up.abd wait? How long? A week?

 

Thanks for any advice just getting this off my chest helps

[Satu]

I am military and I met this amazing girl almost a year ago. It has been great and we eventually started talking about our future together. Recently it has been hard because she is really busy with school and since we live almost an hour apart I don't get to see her as much as I would like to. So this has resulted in some arguments where I feel like.i should be a higher priority (maybe I'm an ass for that). Well, the time has come for deployment and all I want to do is spend as much time as I can with her. Anyways, this has increased the arguing and out of nowhere she asked for time to think about what she wanted to do. That she is stressed and not happy.

 

I'll admit I haven't been the man I should be. I tend to think that the stresses of the army are worse than hers and it causes me to just get into arguments with her. It's been a day since we've talked and I realize that I need to be the one who she can come to in order to relieve her stress, that I need to be patient and just be there for her. Anyways, *she asked for time (we are still together) and I'm wondering if this is an instance where I should fight for it or let her have some time to think. I just want to tell her that I'm sorry and I want to be here for her like I should be. assuming she does love me still and asked for time what do yall think I should do? This sucks and all I want to.do.is our my heart out to her but I'm pretty sure that wouldn't help right now. So.do.i just suck it up.abd wait? How long? A week?

 

Thanks for any advice just getting this off my chest helps

 

*You should give her time to think, if that's what she feels she needs.

 

You can't stop her taking that time anyway.

 

I'll share a self-penned motto of mine, that changed my life for the better:

 

 

"I only give the best of myself to others. The less than best I work on in my own time."

 

 

Be the man you should be.

 

You can do that.

 

 

Take care.

[Popsicle]

You need a wife, not a gf. This is part of why a lot of deployed military men get married. They need the support. She too far away. Find someone closer or who is willing to move.

[PegNosePete]

she asked for time (we are still together) and I'm wondering if this is an instance where I should fight for it or let her have some time to think.

Well sorry to say, it's not really up to you. If she wants "time to think" then she can take it with or without your permission. And most likely since you mention LOTS of arguments, especially for a couple less than a year old, plus you're leaving on deployment soon... it's not looking good.

 

Look you can't "fight" for the relationship if she has decided it's not working for her any more. A relationship is not an enemy that you have to defeat. It is something you both mutually have to work on. And doing that is very difficult when you're not together. If she doesn't also want to fight for it then it's doomed. You can't do her part of the heavy lifting for her. It takes 2 to tango.

 

Chances are this is over. I think the best thing you can do is to tell her you'd like to stay together but you respect her decision and will give her time to think, Then leave her alone, total NC for a week. After a week ask for a decision. At that time it's either a "yes" or "not yes" - meaning anything that's not a strong and certain YES, means no.

[Reject1]

Just a warning. I'm am wasted right now.

 

 

I talked to her today. I.Apologized for.beibf insensitive and I told her I wanted to.be the man she could depend on.i also told her that the unknown is killing me. That if she wants to end it I would support her no matter how much it hurt. That didn't happen. She just said she needed a few days without any outside influence to think

 

Guys I'm not going to lie. I'm deploying soon and as much as I want to go getting my men ready is still stressful. I can handle this though. I don't want to.lose this girl but not knowing is eating me up. I have to stay level headed at work and it totally drains me. I am so tired of wondering what's going to happen

 

I love this girl more than my own life. I will go through this even if it doesn't end up well, I just don't understand why someone would need a few days to think. I feel like you know you want it or you don't want it.

 

Sorry I just needed to vent. Keeping myself together for 13 hours a day is taxing. I get home and just freak out which usually involves a long ass workout or drinking and posting to forums.

 

Dealing with the deployment is easy. Dealing with that and if Im still going to be with the girl I wanted to marry is miserable

[PegNosePete]

I just don't understand why someone would need a few days to think. I feel like you know you want it or you don't want it.

Yeah, I'm with you there. I tend to make decisions like this quickly and find it difficult to understand people who need so much time to think it over.

 

I think your best option is to give her the 3 days she asked for. Do not contact her AT ALL during this time, even if she contacts you, do not reply. Then after 3 days ask her for her final answer.

 

Unfortunately I think most likely it will either be "no" or "need more time" (which after 3 days you should take to mean "no"). But giving her a couple of days is not a lot in the grand scheme of things, and giving her the time that she has asked for is really the only chance you have here. If you keep contacting her then she'll just get more annoyed at you, that you won't respect her wishes.

[Popsicle]

Just a warning. I'm am wasted right now.

 

 

I talked to her today. I.Apologized for.beibf insensitive and I told her I wanted to.be the man she could depend on.i also told her that the unknown is killing me. That if she wants to end it I would support her no matter how much it hurt. That didn't happen. She just said she needed a few days without any outside influence to think

 

Guys I'm not going to lie. I'm deploying soon and as much as I want to go getting my men ready is still stressful. I can handle this though. I don't want to.lose this girl but not knowing is eating me up. I have to stay level headed at work and it totally drains me. I am so tired of wondering what's going to happen

 

I love this girl more than my own life. I will go through this even if it doesn't end up well, I just don't understand why someone would need a few days to think. I feel like you know you want it or you don't want it.

 

Sorry I just needed to vent. Keeping myself together for 13 hours a day is taxing. I get home and just freak out which usually involves a long ass workout or drinking and posting to forums.

 

Dealing with the deployment is easy. Dealing with that and if Im still going to be with the girl I wanted to marry is miserable

 

Ugh...this is breaking my heart.

Please know that you will be ok no matter what.

[spiderowl]

I would think twice about marrying someone who is having to think about your relationship on her own for a while. But, having said that, if there have been a lot of arguments, you do need to think about why that is. If things don't work out with her, you don't want to repeat the same pattern with someone else. It sounds to me like you need someone who is altogether more invested in you and capable of understanding the pressures you are under. You do need to think about her needs too. Her situation might not be so stressful and pressured as yours is bound to be but it is still important to her.