When To Give Up?

[Grey40]

We talk on here often about when women or men aren't interested in pursuing us and the signs and hints they often give. However, most of the time it can pretty ambiguous. How long do you wait? How much do you take before you know for certain they are not interested? Don't some people like being chased? People say girls love the chase but how do you when you're chasing or just being fooled?

 

For example, a girl bails on a date because she's sick, then when you try to reschedule she's "busy all weekend". But she still texts, sends snap chats etc. Most would say, her interest is very low if not absent completely. But, I've also heard stories that sometimes women (or men) don't always know how to properly communicate. Sometimes they are actually WERE busy but just didn't offer another time or didn't think it was nessecary to do so at the moment. I've heard stories of men who were persistent in asking a women out and then end up dating and getting married to them as well. By persistent, I mean they periodically reach out to them and eventually they decide to go out with you.

 

I've even been in scenarios where women have told me they were really interested but just "couldn't go out" "couldn't hang out" "can't be anything right now". Even had a girl say "I'm definitley interested" but then deny every attempt of mine to ask them out. So, when is it safe to give up? Are there any particular things someone should look for? Are signs of disinterest ALWAYS mean they are not interested? Are there exceptions?

[SevenCity]

All those things you hear are platitudes meant to not hurt your feelings. Women do this all the time and it means one thing - they are not interested in a romantic relationship with you.

 

If a girl blows you off for a date and doesn't offer an alternative she isn't interested. Period. If a woman likes you she will make it easy. Only believe her actions, not her words.

 

Sure, there are some exceptions like the guys who use the wear down technique but a life with a woman who likes you less than her will not be fun.

 

You want to go out with a woman who has a high level of interest. It's like night and day. She will make an effort and you will have A LOT more fun.

 

Ask a girl out no more than twice. If you can't get her out delete her number. That's it.

 

Think of what you go through chasing - don't you want a woman who is equally excited?

[Grey40]

[quote=SevenCity;721381

 

If a girl blows you off for a date and doesn't offer an alternative she isn't interested. Period. If a woman likes you she will make it easy. Only believe her actions, not her words.

 

?

 

I agree with you 100% except for this part ^^

 

Aren't girls sometimes nervous and overanalyze to the point where they wait for the man to make the move always and assume he's not interested..or they think they are not good enough so they wait to see if the guy actually likes them enough to chase? Then you also have all this crap they read from cosmo and friends that tell women to purposely play hard to get and act aloof and uninterested to test how into he is and how far he'll go to get you etc.

 

So because of that I'm never 100% it's always that they aren't interested. Maybe they are nervous or afraid of messing everything up and instead don't take action and end up actually ruining it.

[Grey40]

The reason I wonder is because I've had some women assume right off the bay I'm not interested because I'm good looking and "get tons of girls" "can have whoever I want why would I choose them?"

 

so I tend to get this vibe that they don't feel good enough or worthy enough or are just assuming it's too good to be true, or like I have some motive behind my actions. People tell me, then aim higher! The crazy thing is that it's always very attractive women who act this way. Women I'm NOT attracted to and some who I find downright hideous have no problem at all showing they are interested and want to jump my bones. I guess because sometimes good looking women are even more insecure than the average. I never thought I gave off a player vibe at all, I'm always dressed well, don't put on an act and in general am pretty comfortable with who I am, so it's a head scratcher

 

I guess I'm just frustrated because I know that I'm good looking and I thought dating and meeting women was supposed to be easier when you have that going for you, and it doesn't seem to be the case. I don't think my personality is bad or bland enough to outweigh that.I mean if I'm good looking and my success rate is this low, I don't even want to imagine how bad it must be for the average or below average male. No wonder guys are f'd up

Edited February 2, 2017 by Grey40

[SevenCity]

I agree with you 100% except for this part ^^

 

Aren't girls sometimes nervous and overanalyze to the point where they wait for the man to make the move always and assume he's not interested..or they think they are not good enough so they wait to see if the guy actually likes them enough to chase? Then you also have all this crap they read from cosmo and friends that tell women to purposely play hard to get and act aloof and uninterested to test how into he is and how far he'll go to get you etc.

 

So because of that I'm never 100% it's always that they aren't interested. Maybe they are nervous or afraid of messing everything up and instead don't take action and end up actually ruining it.

 

You have already made the move. She is breaking the date. If she really wants to see you she will reschedule.

 

You have to chase at first but once she blows you off it's up to her to offer an alternative.

 

Trust me, even shy girls who like you will make an effort.

 

I'm dating this one girl now who always makes me ask twice before we get together. It got old and I haven't reached out again since she didn't respond to my last text several days ago.

 

Could be her ghosting me or trying to feed her ego. Either way it became a lot less fun and I'm more interested in a girl who doesn't bs.

[Cookiesandough]

don't wait! both of your options are open until you're in an exclusive relationship. if they come around, great. but please don't wait.

[Sweetfish]

The reason I wonder is because I've had some women assume right off the bay I'm not interested because I'm good looking and "get tons of girls" "can have whoever I want why would I choose them?"

 

so I tend to get this vibe that they don't feel good enough or worthy enough or are just assuming it's too good to be true, or like I have some motive behind my actions. People tell me, then aim higher! The crazy thing is that it's always very attractive women who act this way. Women I'm NOT attracted to and some who I find downright hideous have no problem at all showing they are interested and want to jump my bones. I guess because sometimes good looking women are even more insecure than the average. I never thought I gave off a player vibe at all, I'm always dressed well, don't put on an act and in general am pretty comfortable with who I am, so it's a head scratcher

 

I guess I'm just frustrated because I know that I'm good looking and I thought dating and meeting women was supposed to be easier when you have that going for you, and it doesn't seem to be the case. I don't think my personality is bad or bland enough to outweigh that.I mean if I'm good looking and my success rate is this low, I don't even want to imagine how bad it must be for the average or below average male. No wonder guys are f'd up

 

 

Can you run us a sinulation of the date?

[olivetree]

The reason I wonder is because I've had some women assume right off the bay I'm not interested because I'm good looking and "get tons of girls" "can have whoever I want why would I choose them?"

 

so I tend to get this vibe that they don't feel good enough or worthy enough or are just assuming it's too good to be true, or like I have some motive behind my actions. People tell me, then aim higher! The crazy thing is that it's always very attractive women who act this way. Women I'm NOT attracted to and some who I find downright hideous have no problem at all showing they are interested and want to jump my bones. I guess because sometimes good looking women are even more insecure than the average. I never thought I gave off a player vibe at all, I'm always dressed well, don't put on an act and in general am pretty comfortable with who I am, so it's a head scratcher

 

I guess I'm just frustrated because I know that I'm good looking and I thought dating and meeting women was supposed to be easier when you have that going for you, and it doesn't seem to be the case. I don't think my personality is bad or bland enough to outweigh that.I mean if I'm good looking and my success rate is this low, I don't even want to imagine how bad it must be for the average or below average male. No wonder guys are f'd up

 

I think people who write on these boards about how good looking they are but still so unlucky in love are relying a bit too heavily on that.

 

Are you interesting? Funny/playful? Intelligent? Good natured? Genuine? Have depth? Truly know who you are?

Looks are what get you in the door, the rest is what keeps people intrigued and wanting to know you.

 

When a girl is into you, even ones that liked to be chased, she will keep saying yes to dates and she will reschedule.

 

As for women who flake, who cares what her deal is, if she wants you to keep chasing her, if she's insecure or can't communicate well enough to reschedule.

You don't want to date a woman like that!

[GemmaUK]

I think people who write on these boards about how good looking they are but still so unlucky in love are relying a bit too heavily on that.

 

Are you interesting? Funny/playful? Intelligent? Good natured? Genuine? Have depth? Truly know who you are?

Looks are what get you in the door, the rest is what keeps people intrigued and wanting to know you.

 

When a girl is into you, even ones that liked to be chased, she will keep saying yes to dates and she will reschedule.

 

As for women who flake, who cares what her deal is, if she wants you to keep chasing her, if she's insecure or can't communicate well enough to reschedule.

You don't want to date a woman like that!

 

This ^^^ basically.

 

If I had to bail on a date I would make up for it and ask for a date and plan it. pay etc.

Dating is two way.

This one is done from the sound of it.

[preraph]

I don't know any woman who likes being chased or expects to be chased and certainly not by anyone she isn't already interested in. I think that's a movie myth. I think any woman you could wear down like that isn't worth having and is messed up in the head.

 

It's a huge waste of time to pursue someone who isn't into you.

 

If a woman likes you back, she will not miss a chance to go out with you. If she is busy, she will say, "Can we pick another day?" And she may even cancel her plans to go out with you if they are anything she can cancel. Women are NOT hard to catch if they are attracted and interested in you, not at all. They will readily go out with you and none but the most helplessly disorganized will make it hard for you to reach them -- and again, someone like that, who needs them if they are that disorganized that they can't function?

 

I say give up and move on right away. Don't sit around waiting to see because if you can't tell she likes you, she doesn't. If someone seems like they like you, ask them out and get it over with.

 

I think the biggest misconception out there is women are pliable creatures who can be "won" by persistence. We just want you to go away already. And we all know how you manage to stay around: by pretending to just be friends. It's a waste of time. In time, she will simply find someone she is interested in.

Edited February 2, 2017 by preraph

[preraph]

I agree with you 100% except for this part ^^

 

Aren't girls sometimes nervous and overanalyze to the point where they wait for the man to make the move always and assume he's not interested..or they think they are not good enough so they wait to see if the guy actually likes them enough to chase? Then you also have all this crap they read from cosmo and friends that tell women to purposely play hard to get and act aloof and uninterested to test how into he is and how far he'll go to get you etc.

 

So because of that I'm never 100% it's always that they aren't interested. Maybe they are nervous or afraid of messing everything up and instead don't take action and end up actually ruining it.

 

Even if they are nervous, it's not going to make them pretend they don't want to go out with you. Women are not nearly as nervous as guys, best I can tell!!

[Sweetfish]

Can you run us a sinulation of the date?

 

 

Error- simulation

[basil67]

Back when I was dating: If I was interested in a guy, I'd be available. If I wasn't interested, I wouldn't be available. If a girl tells you that she's not ready to date or too busy - it means "No".

 

It's also worth noting that a man's looks had little to do with whether or not I'd date him. I expected him to be well groomed, but I've never cared about things a person can't change.

Edited February 2, 2017 by basil67

[TheAntiHero]

Always pay attention to what they do, not what they say.

[preraph]

You see a lot of things on here about she told me she's just out of a relationship or some other reason why she doesn't want to go out with you. This is a "no." She's not hoping you'll wait around. She's hoping you'll go away. Let's say she really is right out of a relationship. Trust me, the thing that would get her over him the quickest is if some guy she was super attracted to asked her out. I mean, she's not going to tell someone she thinks she might really be interested in she won't go out. So if anyone is telling you that, while it may be true they are recently broken up and still hurting, they are not interested in you. If someone they were attracted to asked them out, they would go "Well, what better way to get over the ex."

[smackie9]

Go by, date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. If they cancel, give excuses but keep flirting, etc. Stop wasting your time because you don't play games and not interested in someone who does play games. It's one thing to do the dance, push or pull, chase, etc, but it's another when you get stonewalled with excuses and crap, lukewarm interest, or fakey and flaky personalities. You have to think with your head not your desires.

 

I remember when I was young, dating and crap. I admit I was one that hoped, didn't give up when I should have, and wasted my time, when I knew, but didn't want to listen to reason. Now here I sit, warning others not to do what I did lol.

[Cookiesandough]

We talk on here often about when women or men aren't interested in pursuing us and the signs and hints they often give. However, most of the time it can pretty ambiguous. How long do you wait? How much do you take before you know for certain they are not interested? Don't some people like being chased? People say girls love the chase but how do you when you're chasing or just being fooled?

 

For example, a girl bails on a date because she's sick, then when you try to reschedule she's "busy all weekend". But she still texts, sends snap chats etc. Most would say, her interest is very low if not absent completely. But, I've also heard stories that sometimes women (or men) don't always know how to properly communicate. Sometimes they are actually WERE busy but just didn't offer another time or didn't think it was nessecary to do so at the moment. I've heard stories of men who were persistent in asking a women out and then end up dating and getting married to them as well. By persistent, I mean they periodically reach out to them and eventually they decide to go out with you.

 

I've even been in scenarios where women have told me they were really interested but just "couldn't go out" "couldn't hang out" "can't be anything right now". Even had a girl say "I'm definitley interested" but then deny every attempt of mine to ask them out. So, when is it safe to give up? Are there any particular things someone should look for? Are signs of disinterest ALWAYS mean they are not interested? Are there exceptions?

 

if she's texting you, snapping with you, says she's "interested" in you, but not meeting you, it's because she wants attention . Sooner you realize this the sooner you will stop putting so much energy who do not have any intention of dating you. Women are no different than men when it comes to wanting see people they want to date. They will, however, keep 'orbiters' who feed their ego around just in case. You only become one of these if you accept it. I have told guys I enjoyed talking to "I like you a lot, but I'm not ready to date/for a relationship right now" because I wasn't attracted to them but did enjoy their company. It's hard to directly reject someone not only because its mean and you will lose them, but also because you don't know if it's true that you'll never, ever, consider it. Things can change, right?....Right.

[Grey40]

An I interesting?? Whatever that means, I'd like to think so. But most people are just not that interesting and we all know that. I'm not going to fake it and pretend to be some mysterious, interesting guy when I'm not.

 

But I am a musician and a songwriter and definitley smarter than the average joe. Perhaps I'm really bad at showing that side of me when I go on these dates, that's maybe something I should work on is opening up more and let my personality shine more. But part of me feels that it would happen more naturally if the person I'm out with helps it move in that direction. It doesn't help when they act very boring and ask interview type questions and don't really give much of a response back for me to work with. But, then i realize "this must be why this girl is in her late twenties and still single on a dating app, because her personality is really boring and crappy".

[preraph]

if she's texting you, snapping with you, says she's "interested" in you, but not meeting you, it's because she wants attention . Sooner you realize this the sooner you will stop putting so much energy who do not have any intention of dating you. Women are no different than men when it comes to wanting see people they want to date. They will, however, keep 'orbiters' who feed their ego around just in case. You only become one of these if you accept it. I have told guys I enjoyed talking to "I like you a lot, but I'm not ready to date/for a relationship right now" because I wasn't attracted to them but did enjoy their company. It's hard to directly reject someone not only because its mean and you will lose them, but also because you don't know if it's true that you'll never, ever, consider it. Things can change, right?....Right.

 

Yeah, but if they're not interested what would make them consider it?? Needing tickets to some expensive concert? A guy shouldn't hang around hoping to just be used like that. I don't know anyone who keeps someone around just in case they miraculously decide he's attractive after all.

[Cookiesandough]

The last part is probably not that common, you're right. Certainly not if they really examine, but most don't. More options and orbiters the better, unless you're repulsed by the person

I agree they should not wait

Edited February 3, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[lucy_in_disguise]

I think the vast majority of women will make it clear they are interested if they would like you to continue to pursue them. Anyone who values good communication- male or female- will offer an alternative date/ time if they are forced to reschedule and want to see you again. It's common sense/ curtesy, and I think people who truly do not get this are few and far between.

 

That being said... Within my own pool of friends, I can think of a couple of women who would not behave according to these expectations. They may be interested but you'd never know it. They are great girls who I think would make amazing girlfriends once they let someone in, but they also have intimacy issues and were conditioned to expect a man to jump through many hoops to demonstrate his interest. These are beautiful intelligent women, who have both been single for many years, I believe as a result (intended or not) of this selection criteria.

 

So, is it possible a woman expects you to continue to pursuing her after rejection, and may eventually say yes if you keep it up? Everything's possible. The vast majority of women looking for a relationship would not behave that way though. The ones who do likely have intimacy issues and/ communication problems. It's up to you to decide if you want to deal with that.

[SevenCity]

Perfect example. I had a date this weekend and the girl cancelled today saying she had to work.

 

I say thanks for letting me know and we can do it another time.

 

If she was truly interested, she would have offered me an alternative:

 

"I'm sorry I can't make it but I'm free xday as I would like to see you"

 

Nothing like that. What it means is she is not interested. What do I do from here? Nothing.

 

Edit - I should note we confirmed the meetup place last night so this happened in ~8 hours.

 

It's possible that I could push the issue and ask her out again but I don't go out with women unless they have a high level of interest.

 

Conversely, another girl who I spoke with last night and setup a date for next weekend texted me today "It was great talking to you and I look forward to meeting you in person".

 

High interest. Guess which one will be more fun to go out with?

 

I had a feeling the first one may have flaked (call it a gut feeling) and therefore was not terribly excited about going out with her. But I'm thankful I now have my friday night free rather than wasting it on a chick who has low interest.

 

Am I annoyed? A bit. No one likes to get flaked on. But in the grand scheme of things I'm happier as it would not have been a good date due to her low interest.

[Chris2016]

Perfect example. I had a date this weekend and the girl cancelled today saying she had to work.

 

I say thanks for letting me know and we can do it another time.

 

If she was truly interested, she would have offered me an alternative:

 

"I'm sorry I can't make it but I'm free xday as I would like to see you"

 

Nothing like that. What it means is she is not interested. What do I do from here? Nothing.

 

Edit - I should note we confirmed the meetup place last night so this happened in ~8 hours.

 

It's possible that I could push the issue and ask her out again but I don't go out with women unless they have a high level of interest.

 

Conversely, another girl who I spoke with last night and setup a date for next weekend texted me today "It was great talking to you and I look forward to meeting you in person".

 

High interest. Guess which one will be more fun to go out with?

 

I had a feeling the first one may have flaked (call it a gut feeling) and therefore was not terribly excited about going out with her. But I'm thankful I now have my friday night free rather than wasting it on a chick who has low interest.

 

Am I annoyed? A bit. No one likes to get flaked on. But in the grand scheme of things I'm happier as it would not have been a good date due to her low interest.

 

Yep. That applies to guy or girl. Don't waste time on people who don't want you.

 

I don't like the title of this thread, "When to give up?". That's not empowering.

 

What's empowering is, you do nothing, when they show lack of interest. You choose to move on.

[Popsicle]

Lukewarm does nothing for me. I need hot drive from someone else. If the hot drive is missing then my blood runs cold and I move on.

[SevenCity]

if she's texting you, snapping with you, says she's "interested" in you, but not meeting you, it's because she wants attention. Sooner you realize this the sooner you will stop putting so much energy who do not have any intention of dating you. Women are no different than men when it comes to wanting see people they want to date. They will, however, keep 'orbiters' who feed their ego around just in case. You only become one of these if you accept it. I have told guys I enjoyed talking to "I like you a lot, but I'm not ready to date/for a relationship right now" because I wasn't attracted to them but did enjoy their company. It's hard to directly reject someone not only because its mean and you will lose them, but also because you don't know if it's true that you'll never, ever, consider it. Things can change, right?....Right.

 

Cookie - you may tell yourself it's mean to make yourself feel better but that could not be further from the truth.

 

There is nothing more cruel than giving someone false hope. Most guys don't understsnd that women are not honest with things like this so they have a hard time translating what it actually means.

 

It's even more detrimental when women do this at the end of a relationship. "It's not going to work right now", "Maybe we'll get back together", etc.

 

If you truly want to be kind, be upfront and honest.