How to heal a heart

[Equites]

Hello, everyone!

 

 

Apologies for not introducing myself earlier, but this forum doesn't seem to have an "Introductions" sticky anywhere. I am Equites. It pains me to be so rude, but I need your help healing a heart I broke, and it is a time-sensitive matter. I've got roughly two days.

 

 

For those who like a brief read, the long and short of it is that I accidentally stole another man's girlfriend and I want to repair it, if possible. His is the heart that needs healing. To that end, I'd like to hear from anyone who has had experience with their heart being broken, especially males, so they might advise me on how to help. You don't even need to offer direct advice, simply sharing your story on this forum might help; so you can also use it as a place to unload your burdens. I don't mind. We may all be able to help each other.

 

 

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Now, for those who prefer more detail, I'll try to make this brief but it's a complicated matter.

 

 

I met this woman less than a month ago. She was referred to me because she was having troubles with her boyfriend, and our mutual buddy told her I was great at helping others work through their problems. Ironic, no?

 

 

Unfortunately, she never told me she was with someone else, even as she dazzled me with her intellect and sheer self-awareness. Without ever having seen her, just talking on the phone, she made it clear that she felt her boyfriend was an emotional crutch, one she had needed, but no longer required, and that was the source of tension in her relationship. I didn't have to do any counseling at all, probably a good thing, since I'm not a counselor. I'm a former US Marine, a combat veteran, and my best conflict resolution methods usually involve concentrated assaults.

 

 

It may be that was what drew us to each other. I thought she could handle her emotional problems, and she thought I could handle all mine. We both agreed that a person needs to be independent and whole before they ought ever enter a relationship, lest it end in co-dependency. We don't know if we're that for sure, we're still talking about it, trying to take things slow, but I got the idea that I could also help this guy. So I tried it. ****ing Marines and their thought process, if it could even be called that.

 

 

To be fair, it was going extremely well at first. He agreed to talk to me, and we found that had a quite a bit of common ground. Alone, he and I were fine, so we worked up to the next step, bringing in his former girlfriend so they could both find closure. They actually managed to work out quite a few problems with my help, just acting as a referee for their frequent communication difficulties. Can you see where this is going?

 

 

I was sabotaged by my own success. The better I got at healing their relationship, the more apparent it became to him that his girl didn't love him anymore. Worse, my influence over her was very clear, to the point where he doubts anything she tells him. My very "self-aware" love made that perfectly clear to him, as she would completely change tone when talking to each of us about the same subject. With him, she was argumentative and defensive. With me, she was open and wiling to consider my opinions. That **** has got to sting.

 

 

At least, I assume it hurts, because I've never had such a thing happen to me before, hence my asking. I imagine it's like seeing your partner with another as they constantly espouse "You're so much better than my other lover." Ladies, tell me, is this just a thing with you? It's not the first time I've noticed it.

 

 

On that note, it's not like he ever really hurt her, so vengeance is not a justification. Indeed, as time went on they seemed to be forging a friendship anew, but one that couldn't ever happen because of me. Either through my influence over her or my direct presence.

 

 

That was what our last conversation was about. I lost a man who I believe could have been a great friend under different circumstances. He hates me now, thinks that I'm an unbearably arrogant piece of unmentionable trash, and I may well be, because my next move was even stupider: I let them be together alone.

 

 

My stated rationale for that was that it might be better for them to work on what they had already discovered by themselves, since I was clearly a problem. I knew he'd try to win her back, even said I'd consider it an honorable contest, since I had taken her without his knowledge.

 

 

Best-laid plans of mice and men. When he failed, he didn't take it as an honorable contest, he took it as more evidence of my arrogance. He rather has a point, even if it is wrong. Wouldn't it be insane to let your ex be with their ex unless you knew for a fact nothing would happen? Well, or if you didn't actually care? He never said that but all scenarios open.

 

 

So now I'm stuck in this curious position of guilt. I like this guy, I don't want to lose him as a friend, more importantly, I don't want the woman I love to lose him as a friend, but he's given us an ultimatum. Two days to fix what we wrought. If it doesn't happen he walks out of our lives forever.

 

 

I don't want that, and neither does she. He was an important part of her life; a good friend and confidant, one who helped her to become a better person as she did him. Now, it seems that with his love betrayed, he's going to leave not only us, but himself behind.

 

 

I cannot abide the thought, and so I'm asking for your help. What can I do to heal such a broken heart? At this point, any ideas would be appreciated, even far-fetched ones. Thanks in advance.

 

 

Yours Truly,

Equites.

 

 

edit- Wow, I have never seen a forum with such a self-defeating mechanism for posting new threads. I had to change the original title several times just to send this request for help. It was originally titled "Introduction + Help Me Heal a Broken Heart

Edited January 7, 2017 by Equites
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[preraph]

My oldest friend betrayed me and all I ever wanted is to never see her again. Now, maybe guys are different, but I was done.