arneault Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 HI ALL... So I have an odd situation that I am unsure of how I feel about.. I want to know if i'm crazy for being jealous or stressed essentially.. So I am from North America and my boyfriend is from Europe. He has been planning on travelling to see me on Christmas day for months now and another married couple (the wife being his best friend) is travelling with him and staying with mutual friends of ours. HOWEVER, they recently had marriage problems and the husband backed out of the trip....and his best girl/friend still wants to come. So now my boyfriend is travelling to North America... with his girl best friend to see me... and she is staying at a cottage by herself as the mutual friends of ours are busier over the holidays than everyone expected. so she would be alone quite often. My first reaction was anger that this was happening. I felt pressured to entertain her (Even though her and I get along really well... I really just wanted this trip to be about spending time with my boyfriend and visiting them in their cottage occasionally). I had plans for New Years Eve, and it was at an event it turned out my boyfriend wasn't too keen on and he suggested I go and he stay with her on New Years and I see them the next day.. (Um...WHAT?) We had a big argument about that. She has been dropping a lot of hints about how she is going to be lonely in the cottage by herself and while I understand that my boyfriend is in a tough place by wanting to be there for his best friend going through a rough time and spend time with me I still can't help but feel jealous that we are giving up a large portion of our time together to entertain her when they are able to see each other everyday if they want to..and I only get a few days and I potentially won't see him again for up to 5 months... I was not jealous of her previously but after this I am beginning to become intimidated by her. They speak in their language around me (when I am not fluent in it and can't overly understand at times) and I felt left out the last time we all hung out in their country, but felt that as a visitor that I should grow accustomed to hearing THEIR native language..but it just seems that it is going to carry over to my english speaking country. I of course had a stalker moment and seen stuff on facebook they've discussed before and years ago there was a LOT of flirting and pet name talk before even though they haven't dated and he hasn't really stated that they have any sort of past.. it's just a weird gut feeling still nonetheless that something was there. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to compromise in this situation and be the bigger person... because I really just want to be selfish and say it's her issue for wanting to still travel here alone despite what happened... And that is an AWFUL gut reaction. I just want to make this work somehow.. I want to keep peace, I want her to like me, but I also want to know if I should be worried about the events that happened thus far or if this is just too much for anyone to handle...because I'm really stressed. Link to post Share on other sites
LD1990 Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 Unfortunately, it looks very likely that something is going on between the two of them, and there's not much you can do about it short of breaking up with your boyfriend. They've flirted in the past, now her husband backs out of this trip and she's still tagging along with your boyfriend. And to top it all off, your boyfriend actually suggested you go to an event alone while he spends New Year's Eve with this woman? No man on earth would choose spending a holiday evening with his platonic friend over his girlfriend 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZayKayWill Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 The fact that he's choosing to hang with her on New Years Eve over hanging out with you is pretty messed up if you ask me. You guys hardly ever see each other as it is. I can understand that he doesn't want her friend to be lonely. I'm not gonna be the guy who assumes that there's something going on with them because there honestly may not be. I've been in that situation before...was friends with an ex and my gf thought there was something more even though there wasn't. But either way, yeah, it's messed up that he said that. Even if he doesn't want to go to whatever event it is, he should because he's your boyfriend. He could just bring the girl with her if he wanted...but either way he needs to make you a priority and not her. If you haven't already I would just talk to him about it and see where it goes. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 Perhaps your boyfriend is the reason she and her husband are having problems. Why is she prioritizing tagging along with your boyfriend to be "lonely" in a cottage all by herself in a foreign country over staying home to work on her marital problems with her husband??? And to top it all off, your boyfriend actually suggested you go to an event alone while he spends New Year's Eve with this woman? No man on earth would choose spending a holiday evening with his platonic friend over his girlfriend Yup. Especially when he can see her any time in his own country. He's purportedly traveling across the pond to see you, his LD girlfriend...yet he tells you to go out BY YOURSELF and he'll spend his evening with her instead...because she's lonely?!?!? Houston methinks you have a problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 Yeah, err.. so your euro BF is planning counseling another euro woman, over NYE, in North America? While you kindly party somewhere else? I've seen things, like, crazy things, but that's... really strange. Not cool. How about you suggest she stays home and fixes her marital problems? Or if she wants to travel she's invited to come up with her own NYE plans? And a back-up date that's not your BF? I was in two Europe-NA relationships. One time I left from my GF's place early and returned to celebrate NYE back home, as I found out she was bad mouthing me online with a stoner friend, who was crushing on her too, while I was in her damn house! You know... crazy times. But anyway. LDR, travelling to spend the holidays together. I get it. I really do. But then not actually spending the holidays together, but with the opposite sex part of a marital train wreck, with whom I have a history of flirting? Just how crazy can things get? I suggest you do not take prisoners over this one. Link to post Share on other sites
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