old fool has feelings,

[tardisman]

hi,

i am 37 year old male from bangalore, india.

i have never had a girlfriend, and am a loner mostly. not that i am not interested in women, i have liked some but never had the courage to approach. also work always had more priority than finding a girlfriend and being in a relationship.

 

there is this girl in office, ( i know office romances are highly discouraged, but there is really no other place for me find women. work is a big part of my life ). she is some 8-10 years younger than me. initially i didnt like her that much but slowly developed a strong affection for her. now she is on a business travel to another country, and we often chat in whatsap and are closer than before. the chat is mostly about any problems she faces in new country, and work related problems, she shares her office problems regularly, and i try to be supportive as much as possible. on one occasion i also helped her with money for a need in her family and she appreciates me being helpful to her.

she has male friends, one of them being close friend but i am not sure if he is a boyfriend.

 

i have developed feelings for her, her thoughts occupy my mind all the time. i used to think of me as someone unaffected by these feelings. i used to laugh at others when someone felt weak or helpless in love, now same thing is happening to me.

i cant do office work properly, keep thinking about her all the time. feel veryyyy jealous of that assh*le friend of hers. i often find them both online in whatsapp at the same time, for longer duration than me and sometimes late night (in her timezone).

 

i really dont know what to do. i think of confessing my feelings to her, but i dont want to put any burden on her. burden of finding the nicest way to reject my feelings. surely a confession will lead to permanent damage to whatever little friendship i have with her. i cant keep it suppressed also, she will surely find my behavior odd if i try to avoid her once she is back(thats what i plan to do). lastly i might not feel the same way for anyone else, this also compels me to take this once in a lifetime chance and confess, for one regrets things in life one didn't do rather than the things one did.

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

hi,

i am 37 year old male from bangalore, india.

i have never had a girlfriend, and am a loner mostly. not that i am not interested in women, i have liked some but never had the courage to approach. also work always had more priority than finding a girlfriend and being in a relationship.

 

there is this girl in office, ( i know office romances are highly discouraged, but there is really no other place for me find women. work is a big part of my life ). she is some 8-10 years younger than me. initially i didnt like her that much but slowly developed a strong affection for her. now she is on a business travel to another country, and we often chat in whatsap and are closer than before. the chat is mostly about any problems she faces in new country, and work related problems, she shares her office problems regularly, and i try to be supportive as much as possible. on one occasion i also helped her with money for a need in her family and she appreciates me being helpful to her.

she has male friends, one of them being close friend but i am not sure if he is a boyfriend.

 

i have developed feelings for her, her thoughts occupy my mind all the time. i used to think of me as someone unaffected by these feelings. i used to laugh at others when someone felt weak or helpless in love, now same thing is happening to me.

i cant do office work properly, keep thinking about her all the time. feel veryyyy jealous of that assh*le friend of hers. i often find them both online in whatsapp at the same time, for longer duration than me and sometimes late night (in her timezone).

 

i really dont know what to do. i think of confessing my feelings to her, but i dont want to put any burden on her. burden of finding the nicest way to reject my feelings. surely a confession will lead to permanent damage to whatever little friendship i have with her. i cant keep it suppressed also, she will surely find my behavior odd if i try to avoid her once she is back(thats what i plan to do). lastly i might not feel the same way for anyone else, this also compels me to take this once in a lifetime chance and confess, for one regrets things in life one didn't do rather than the things one did.

 

Read that last sentence over and over. Confess. You don't have to say you are in love or anything. You are clearly infatuated though, but you don't have to put the burden on her either like you are saying. Tell her something like "I have feelings for you, and wonder if we can be more then just friends? I also value our friendship and wish it to continue if you see me as just that".

 

Idk though man, I used to just swing for the fences. If it was no, I would move on. If you are infatuated, the rejection hurts like hell no doubt. But again read your last sentence over and over. You have to try!

[preraph]

Well, I know your heart is in the right place, but don't give her any more money. There will be no way to judge her sincerity or interest if you are giving her gifts and money. She could lead you on just to keep getting money and gifts. So no more of that.

 

Next thing is I see so many posts on here about older men with crushes on younger women at the workplace, and I always tell them not to risk it because chances are the age gap has already eliminated your chance with her. If it weren't at work, then it might be worth asking her out and risking rejection, but not at work. The odds are not good.

 

It seems to me that if she had any crush on you, that it would be obvious in her manner and you wouldn't have to be wondering. Instead, she lets you know she has a male friend. If someone at work gave me money, I'd at least invite them out for a drink or lunch as a thank you and pay for that, or cook for them.

 

Don't give her any more money. See if her being friendly to you continues just as it has been. If she asks for money, say you're too broke. See if she ever shows any flirtation at all or invites you to anything. It's a waiting game right now. Good luck.

[tardisman]

thanks for your answers. will surely follow your advice

Edited June 22, 2016 by tardisman
revealed info i didnt intend to reveal