Should I end it? Or is this "normal"?

[treelife]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now. We've gotten incredibly close and it feels like we've been together for a while. He's not just my boyfriend, he really is a great friend as well.

 

The thing is... I don't think I'm truly happy with him. And honestly... It's hard for me to trust him. Ever since I first met him and ever since we first started seeing each other.. I just really never had a good vibe coming from him. He's a great friend and gives probably the best advice possible than anyone has ever given me. But I just feel like he's not someone that I can really trust. He tells a lot of white lies which irks me because... Why do you feel the need to? I understand a few but why all the time? Idk if he has ever done that to me but I'm sure he has, just haven't catched it. The other day we were talking about anal sex, I remember him specifically telling me he's never done it (neither have I) before, but then when that topic came up he pretty much blurted out that he has.

 

I mean why? I don't care what you've done before but why lie about it? I wasn't going to get angry and why would I anyway? It's the past and I didn't even know him then. It can be things like going to the store, telling his friends I "left" my phone at another building so we can have alone time... I just don't get it.

 

He's also always.. I mean ALWAYS on his phone. I don't think he hides anything but I've suspected he has and called him out on it. He would tend to tilt his phone when I look his way, he wouldn't save his numbers, new numbers seem to pop up all the time, I think even one time he would have the font so small.

 

Although I don't see that anymore and he lets me see what he's doing now. When it comes to texting he openly lets me see when it's his guys but with others he doesn't.

 

Idk.. I know he has a lot of friends and I'm sure he has a lot of girl friends as well. I'm not a jealous type at all I just want him to be honest with me.

 

It just seems that he lies to me a lot and idk if I can deal with it. I've communicated about this with him a few times and I've seen improvement but I still can't help but notice when he does it.

 

Besides that.. I understand we both have school and we have to focus but he doesn't really give me much time to talk or wake up early with me to go for a walk in our nature trails in school. Considering we both get to school around the same time he doesn't give me time. We argued earlier about how I don't expect anything from him. The thing is, he gets me very excited when he has a plan to do things with me! For instance he tells me "babe I'll wake up early so we can have breakfast at the park before you go to this place!" Stuff like that gets me excited and 99% of the time it NEVER goes through. He tells me sorry and makes up for that crap. It just hurts that I always get that from him. I don't feel important and/or special enough.

 

Idk.. What should I do?

[d0nnivain]

With that many white lies it's understandable that you don't trust him. If you are not happy and he continues to lie perhaps this has run it's course. You can't spend a life like this.

[Methodical]

You aren't truly happy with him, strike one. Without trust, you don't have much, strike two. By making promises and not keeping them, he's also not reliable, strike three.

 

Most ppl have smartphones and use them a lot. By your admission, he is on the phone all the time. He allows you to see the text from his guys, but not others... Then he is hiding something for a reason. What kind of quality time are you actually receiving?

 

I suspect you already have your answer and want validation.

Edited February 3, 2016 by Methodical

[treelife]

You aren't truly happy with him, strike one. Without trust, you don't have much, strike two. By making promises and not keeping them, he's also not reliable, strike three.

 

Most ppl have smartphones and use them a lot. By your admission, he is on the phone all the time. He allows you to see the text from his guys, but not others... Then he is hiding something for a reason. What kind of quality time are you actually receiving?

 

I suspect you already have your answer and you're looking for validation.

 

With trust, I have to admit it's due to my last relationship. There were lots of lies involved and it was just toxic. its why I don't trust him but I just feel that I should have some trust now that it's almost a year but I just don't feel it.

 

And yes you're right I'm looking for validation.. But I really do care about him and he's not the greatest person ever as well but I'm still willing to try if he is. I do believe communication is key to good relationships and I'm wondering if I should talk to him about all this and see how things go from there?

[Methodical]

And yes you're right I'm looking for validation.. But I really do care about him and he's not the greatest person ever as well but I'm still willing to try if he is. I do believe communication is key to good relationships and I'm wondering if I should talk to him about all this and see how things go from there?

 

 

 

He tells a lot of white lies which irks me because... Why do you feel the need to?

 

It just seems that he lies to me a lot and idk if I can deal with it.

 

I've communicated about this with him a few times and I've seen improvement but I still can't help but notice when he does it.

 

The thing is, he gets me very excited when he has a plan to do things with me! For instance he tells me "babe I'll wake up early so we can have breakfast at the park before you go to this place!" Stuff like that gets me excited and 99% of the time it NEVER goes through. He tells me sorry and makes up for that crap. It just hurts that I always get that from him. I don't feel important and/or special enough.

 

You have communicated your thoughts and concerns. You notice a temporary change but then he falls back into the same pattern as before.

 

Your past relationship and the deception you endured has shaped how you feel about lies. The fact is, your current bf lies to you and you know it. That's why you're unsure about a future with him. When a person lies about menial things, you almost certainly won't get truthful answers/communication concerning big issues.

 

It's time you step out of your comfort zone and find someone who respects you.

[preraph]

You have this one life (as far as we know) and you should never choose to live it doing something that does not make you happy when it can be avoided. You'd be happier alone. It's a wonderful freedom, so try that for awhile, then find a better guy.