boyfriend broke up with me!

[beverlytwilight]

I'm 17 years old and my boyfriend and I have been dating for 1 and a half years. We met freshman year of high school and immediately fell in love. Over the summer, he goes away the whole time to a beach resort where his family lives over the summer. The first summer of our relationship I was sad yes, but I knew it was only a two hour trip to see him. I saw him once on his birthday and it was perfect! However, we barely talked when we were not together because he was always busy. Then, I learned from my friends on the island that he was smoking pot and drinking every single day, despite the fact he swore on my life he would tell me if he did. I told him I knew and we got into a humongous fight and since then he has been the most perfect boyfriend. The entire past year, he never went to any parties, never smoked or drank and due to this, he began to lose some of his friends as that was all they ever did. Beginning in February, I started talking about our summer plans and I mentioned how maybe we should take a break for the summer because last summer was horrible and I got so hurt over it. Whenever I would mention us taking a break, he would cry for hours. We almost broke up three times during the year, always with me initiating it as he never wanted to, and whenever I mentioned it he would come sobbing to me in a complete wreck saying he could never lose me. It was those times I realized I love him so much and never wanted to break up with him. From there we promised forever. We were each other's first everything and each other's first loves. As the summer approached, we began thinking of a plan and he would work with his parents every day about trying to get me to go with his family. As things were going well, I asked him if he was planning on smoking and drinking this summer as he hadn't the whole year. He said yes and out of anger I said never talk to me again. The next day, we went out to lunch and he told me if I wasn't okay with him smoking we shouldn't be together. That night I came home crying and my mom informed me that his parents told her he spent all last night crying over what I said. The next day, he told me he wasn't sure if he wanted a girlfriend anymore. Surely enough, a week later he broke up with me out of nowhere. Ironically I had been in his position so many times and never went through with it, despite all that he has done, and he actually went through with it even though I did nothing. All he said was that he didn't want a girlfriend anymore. A week went by without us talking, then we started talking and decided to be hook up buddies. He has been coming over every day now and we have started talking 24/7 again. However, when he comes over we barely hook up we mainly talk and cuddle and laugh and act like we're in a relationship. He continues to always make sure I get home safely and always wants to know where I am and what I'm doing. Then all of a sudden yesterday he bailed on us hanging out and started acting weird again. He's beginning to push me away and I'm so scared because I have such strong feelings for him and I'm not ready to lose him. His feelings were stronger than mine ever were, those cant just go away right? He truly treated me perfectly this past year and was so in love with me it was surreal. I feel as if I pushed him away from giving him ultimatums about the summer and now all I wanna do is take it back because I realize that this is the worst thing to ever happen to me and I want him back more than anything. The hard part is, he just left for the summer. Before he left, we hung out and it was honestly perfect. When he left, I was crying and he told me he loved me so much as a friend and would always care about me and just doesn't want a girlfriend right now but would let me know if anything changes. We have only talked a little bit since he left, as he is always busy or drunk. All I want to do is talk to him because I miss him so much and love him so much but all my friends keep telling me to let him miss me. Can he truly miss me if he is drunk all the time? I have not hit him up it is always him chatting me or texting me but its so hard. What can I do to make him realize how much he loves me? I know he still does and just hasn't realized it yet, I'm just scared he's gonna realize it too late and hook up with someone else. What can I do? Does he miss me?

[casey.lives]

change is something that is ongoing..

[preraph]

You didn't say how old he is. But I assume he's as young or nearly as young as you are. Sorry your heart is breaking. I have to be honest though and tell you that just in general, it's very unusual for couples as young as you to remain together forever. There's some milestones everyone starts hitting in their late teens and in their 20s where they are changing rapidly. For example, a huge time of change is when you first leave your parents' house and go away to college. For maybe the first time, you are out on your own and you are not surrounded only by the familiar people who have the same beliefs and habits as you do. You begin to understand how many types of people are out there who don't think as you do. Hopefully, this makes you become more open minded and if so, then you grow and reach a new level of maturity.

 

For guys, this is usually (but not always) a period of time they want to be free to explore. Your bf is probably already moving with a little more mature crowd who are, of course, drinking and stuff. I'm not saying this can't be disastrous, but I am saying that around that age of late teens, that is the norm rather than the exception. Also, I know you don't want to hear it, but you already know that last year he wasn't missing you much. That's because he met new people and had a great time. That probably includes new girls as well. He wants to be able to date others and do things without feeling bad about disappointing you or betraying you.

 

I would say it is more common than not when couples go off to college, that they very often break up first. It's just a big opportunity and you don't want to be tied down for it.

 

Now, all this doesn't mean that he won't realize what a gem you are in the end and return, but he's young and you're young, and I think you both should have some freedom for awhile to explore. But don't be surprised that he starts backpeddling as soon as he finds out you are no longer sitting around on Saturday night crying about missing him. Once he knows you're dating, this will no doubt come as a rude shock to his system. But you should never give more than you are getting back. So you do need to start dating and going out with friends and have fun.

 

You two care about each other, so I doubt this is the end, but it's a change. And one or the other of you may find someone new, and you must be prepared for it and not sit around waiting for him. Just go on about your life and that is your best chance for happiness. Good luck.

[d0nnivain]

Sadly most high school romances don't last forever, even when the teens involved talk about forever.

 

The reality is he probably wants to be free to date & fool around with all the girls at the resort this summer. While that is heartbreaking to you, the silver lining is that he didn't cheat on you. He had the integrity to break up with you 1st so that tells me you pick good guys. It doesn't take your pain away but it does bode well for your future.

 

Summer is a time to have fun. So try your tears. Find your friends & distract yourself.