TrevorDia Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 I don't really know where to post this - so I'm just curious. Say you could go back to when you were younger - or on advising a younger friend or relative. On anything in the spectrum of relationships from first meetings marriage and even divorce. What advice do you wish you'd had when you were younger? Or what do you wish you just knew? What pitfalls would you avoid? What would you do differently? What worked best for you?
Gloria25 Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 AnSometimes I wished I'd married...but then again, I still don't want kids and didn't have the wisdom and stability I have now...so, I think I would have not been the best wife. I wish I didn't sleep around. While I don't have as many notches on my bedpost as some people in their teens, even 20's now a days I still wish I didn't have a number. I wish I gave relationships a chance. A gf told me to 'try to get to know a guy before sleeping with him'...but, my mentality was 'why waste my time trying to get to know him and he sucks in bed?' I mean, I've always seemed to just want a guy for companionship - so if we liked the same popcorn was the last thing on my mind. I wish I made guys "earn" their right to be with me. My fav podcaster likes to use the term 'unpaid ho' a lot. And, while I do not need guys for money and stuff, IMO, they got for free with me what other women would make them wait days, weeks, months, and even years for...and, those chicks not only ended up with the sex I was getting temporarily, they get/got him long term..on top of him treating them with more respect than I set myself up for. I tell this to my nieces (well not in so much detail). I try to remind them all the time how beautiful they are (they REALLY are beauties) and that they should never settle for less. One of my nieces, when her mum told me some teen was trying to put the moves on her, I wanted to grab that kid up and push him against a wall - like the Terminator would - cuz I know what horny little boys want and no one is taking advantage of my lovely niece. One of them, I need to have a talk with her, but haven't done it cuz I want to do it in person. 1
Toodaloo Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 That smoking really is addictive... Really piddles me off that every damned time I give up I always end up starting again. To say no is not a crime. To look after myself the way I do others before its too late. To have boundaries and not let them down. Sometimes mother is just plain wrong! But thats ok because she is also human.
d0nnivain Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 I wish I knew that my post grad school BF wasn't The One. I wouldn't have wasted a decade on him. I wish I knew that I wasn't as fertile as I thought I was because I wouldn't have waited until after 40 to try unsuccessfully to have kids.
Arieswoman Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 Hmmmm, There's not enough space here but I'll try... 1. I wish I'd been better at seeing 'red flags' before I started dating various guys.... 2. I wish I'd never started smoking (I gave it up 20 years ago, and boy that was difficult !) 3. I wish I hadn't made people priorities when I was only their option. 4. I wish I'd taken assertiveness classes sooner. 5. I wish I hadn't been such of a "pleaser" - that goes with 4, I suppose. 6. I wish I'd never let the salesman talk me into buying that white Mini that was nothing but a money-pit. There are probably more, but that will do for now ...
BetrayedH Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 (edited) It I could go back, I suppose I would make it a priority to tell myself the winning Powerball numbers. Beyond that, I'd advise myself not to project my beliefs and values on others. We have a natural tendency to assume that other people think, believe, and act like we would. Being honorable is important to me. For many, it's not and I'd be wiser not to assume that it is. Edited March 5, 2015 by BetrayedH
badpenny Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 Say you could go back to when you were younger - or on advising a younger friend or relative.... heh heh..... would they listen? Would YOU have done...?! What advice do you wish you'd had when you were younger? That you should only be 100% loyal to those who show the same amount to you. That goes for everyone - partners, employers - right across the board. Or what do you wish you just knew? That you shouldn't regret the things you did, just the things you never did. And that Life is too brief to send regretting stuff. What pitfalls would you avoid? Don't be a people-pleaser, but be kind. What would you do differently? I'd speak my mind more, and make my honest feelings felt, What worked best for you? "If it feels good, do it. When in doubt - don't.
Gloria25 Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 You know, I don't know how I overlooked this one thing I wish I knew when I was younger, because it is sooooo important. I wish I knew "why" I did/believed certain things when it came to relationships and its connection towards my relationship with my parents and upbringing. I believe that our childhood has a great impact on the relationships we have with others. One guy asked me flat out, what kind of RL did I have with my parents, out of the blue and I could not connect the dots as to why he asked me that. It took years of counseling here and there, my fav podcaster, reading some books, talking to others (like on this MB) for me to connect the dots. I believe that when we know "why" we do things, the better we can fix (if we want to). I'm far from perfect when it comes to relationships still at the age of near 40, but at least I know why I did/do things and have also had the opportunity to impart on some of my relatives my experience/knowledge.
organizedchaos Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 I don't really know where to post this - so I'm just curious. Say you could go back to when you were younger - or on advising a younger friend or relative. On anything in the spectrum of relationships from first meetings marriage and even divorce. What advice do you wish you'd had when you were younger? Or what do you wish you just knew? What pitfalls would you avoid? What would you do differently? What worked best for you? There is no such thing as "The One". There are many "Ones".
autumnnight Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 1. It doesn't matter who the cool kids are or if they like you. No one cares after high school except people who peak in high school 2. Your parents are not psychic. When they tell you they know what you did but want to hear it from you it's a lie 3. Marry him anyway 4. Never ever share anything with someone you are not looking at face to face sitting within 5 feet of you 5. Learn to use a handgun 6. It's ok to buy the red underwear
preraph Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 In my dating years, I wish I'd learned sooner that the best chance of fixing a situation where you're seeing someone but you're in love and they're not is to stop being available all the time and date other people, not keep demonstrating single-minded love and loyalty. I waited until past the point where I'd make the guy tell me what was wrong with me and hurt my feelings before I'd get mad enough to show him if he didn't like it, other guys did. True, the guy this was the biggest issue with also had some impotence issues complicating everything (for sex her needed small, drunk girls he didn't respect), so it's not like this was a cure-all. And it's not like I was ever sitting around waiting for him or anything because I was out a lot watching bands with friends, but it wasn't until I started letting him see that other guys liked me that he got more motivated. I was so depressed after the aforementioned truth session that I didn't feel like going out alone, so I called up a couple of younger guys who were too young for me to want to date but were friends who liked to hang around because they thought me and my roommate were cool old ladies I guess. So I used them during that period for escorts during the worst of it. But the time that really got him going was an accident. It was a small area on the balcony of a club where his band was playing and this British guy who was peripheral in our crowd sat down at my table, which was in full view of the stage. I had dressed way up that night, vintage clothes, hat and everything, and the guy was just being charming and complimentary and at some point took my hand across the table. Then the band guy who wasn't that interested in me (even though he never stopped coming over just to hang) had a little tantrum onstage and broke a string. That's when I harnessed my power. Unfortunately for him, shortly after that I fell in love with a guy bigtime. I guess it was sort of like transference because it was like I just shifted my love from A to B and was finally able to "just be friends" with A. However, he ramped up his attention, stopping by around date time wanting to use my shower, climbing over chairs and tables to get to me in a club when I was with this other guy. He didn't really follow through with anything extreme, but he just would come over and see if he could get my attention back because he was so used to not having to compete for it. The new guy was great about it because I told him the story. I'm still friends with them both to some degree today, decades later. One thing I did grow up knowing because of my dad that I'm glad I knew is that even if a man seems very, very sorry about something, it doesn't mean they won't do it again. Some women never learn this and will put up with 29 days of neglect or ill treatment for one day of the guy being nice.
regine_phalange Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 Pay attention to your instinct. It's never wrong. If a relationship didn't work the first time it will never work. Communication isn't about talking all the time, it's about knowing how to listen and speaking the whole truth when you open your mouth. If you want to see a person's true nature, observe how they handle rejection. If a situation seems too complicated then there are secrets you don't know about.
Timshel Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 "Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth." Baz Luhrmann "Everybody's Free" I always really liked that stanza and the song. Yet here I am. I think a lot of "To thine own self be true." W. Shakespeare With a generous amount of Corinthians 13:1 and a smidge of "They always believe a lie that see with, not through the eye." W. Blake 1
xxoo Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 That everything would be fine. I spent so much time worrying needlessly. 1
Starship Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 Relationships? Life is like chapters in a book. In a year, 5 years, 10 years things will ebb and flow. The sun comes out, there are storms, then the sun comes out again. In a decade you will look back laughing at the anxiety you had over some guy. The things that seem so important today won't matter much...you will pick yourself up, get on with life. But...only if you keep healthy! Life has so much more to offer when you can fully participate in it. Some 60 year olds are still out dancing and hiking up mountains...some 50 year olds are pudgy semi invalids with joint issues and unable to run up three flights of stairs without gasping for air. Be fanatical about your lifestyle choices. It governs life as you age. Eat right, exercise, keep toned and slender.
Woggle Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 I wish I would have never fallen for my ex. I could have saved myself a lot of drama if I never got involved with her.
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