King_Crimson Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 I've been dating this girl for almost 3 years now, living together for a little over a year. I care for her greatly, and we do love each other a lot. I've just been getting doubts lately... She's a good girl, and she's made me into the person I am today. However, my attraction for her has faded significantly. She has gained some weigh (I know; seems shallow but I can't help but let it bother me), and cannot/will not seem to lose it. I find myself fantasizing what it would be like having sexual relationships with other women. Sex is not the same and I find myself avoiding it for the most part. She will go out to see her friends and never come home... which is fine, just that she says she will be home that night and never lets me know the change of plans or where she is (or answer her phone). In contrast I don't think you can get a girl who's a better companion than her; shes loving, caring, always there for me, great family chemistry. We both have the same goals (house with kids, both compatible careers, etc). I have to make a decision soon. I'm buying a house/condo soon, and she's going in with me 50/50. However, I feel like I would be stuck if we decide to breakup half way through the term of the mortgage. I feel at this age it would be quite horrible if we had to go through something like that (I'm 24, she's 21). Any opinions/comments? Thanks for reading.
d0nnivain Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 If you are not prepared to be an engagement ring do NOT buy real estate with her. Buy something you can afford alone. 1
Author King_Crimson Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 If you are not prepared to be an engagement ring do NOT buy real estate with her. Buy something you can afford alone. I could afford it on my own.
d0nnivain Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Then buy the condo yourself without help for her & then think long & hard about what you want to do next with your relationship. Meanwhile Spring is coming. Perhaps add some movement into your relationship. Take a walk on after dinner with your GF. Play a sport together -- golf, tennis, etc. -- on the weekends. 1
BetrayedH Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Staying out all night, not answering the phone, and not coming home are pretty big red flags. I'd be doing some investigating if I were you and I'd definitely do it before going halfsies on a mortgage. 1
Author King_Crimson Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 Staying out all night, not answering the phone, and not coming home are pretty big red flags. I'd be doing some investigating if I were you and I'd definitely do it before going halfsies on a mortgage. I know, it drives me nuts. She forgets about me when she's out. She drinks with her friends and just lets 'the night take her'. It's really frustrating... I usually pin it on her young immaturity but I dunno... she has some issues I guess.
preraph Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 I disagree her staying out late at her age is a red flag. She should be more considerate though, and I assume if you told her it bothered you and asked her to check in, that she would. If not, then maybe worry. Look, I realize that if you cut her out of the condo deal, she may tear up like the Wake of Poseidon, but you do NOT mingle finances at your age and/or with anyone you are not married to. It will complicate everything. If you want her to live with you, you but the place, put it in your name. Tell her everyone has advised you that it's financially irresponsible to intermingle funds with someone you're not married to and will complicate everything down the road. You should always pay the mortgage and home insurance yourself, and you can ask her to pay some or all the bills if you want. This way, she is not invested in your house but is a roommate, and you should use that word, "roommate" as to what the deal is if she moves in. This will save you a world of legal expenses when you break up having to untangle the finances and liquidating everything and you will still have a home, and she will have to be the one to leave. 1
Gloria25 Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 All the time she spends running the streets, she could be running on a treadmill... That's my 2 cents. BTW, you're both two young to be getting married. And, making major purchases before marriage is also a bad idea.
CarrieT Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 I could afford it on my own. Definitely buy it on your own... 3
TheGuard13 Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 It sounds like you have a good friend who does the basics for you, not a girlfriend you're highly attracted to. If you're losing attraction for her, you should consider talking to her about it or breaking it off. 1
CarrieT Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 I know, it drives me nuts. She forgets about me when she's out. She drinks with her friends and just lets 'the night take her'. It's really frustrating... I usually pin it on her young immaturity but I dunno... she has some issues I guess. And this is somebody you are considering BUYING PROPERTY with!?!?!? I just want to slap you upside the head for that! 1
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