kara03 Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 ah, i'm new here... with a story to share, mainly because i'd like feedback since i like to overanalyze everything. lol. here goes: - I've got this friend, we'll call him Justin. I met him through another friend about 5 years ago and had an immediate attraction to him. We're not really close friends, we hang out from time to time and always have fun. I've had a small crush on him since the day I met him, but whenever he was single I wasn't, and vice versa.... Until this past year. I hung out with him more over the summer and realized that the old high school crush i'd had on him was completely different now. (btw, we're both seniors in college now, different schools). Now, I found myself attracted to little things about his personality, not just his cute looks. - So... last March, when we were on spring break, we went to a party at a friend's house. Joked about how it was funny when we were younger, we'd play truth or dare at parties... now, most of us there were drunk, and got the great idea to play the game again... short story -> what's he do, but dare me to kiss him... and i did, and it was amazing... So I decide to wait until I come home for the summer to figure things out, that'd it'd just be to difficult to figure things out then... and what happens when i come home, I start dating a kid I had went to high school with... - Now, having broken up with the kid i went to high school with, my friends and i had an early halloween party this past weekend. Apparently the only time Justin and I aren't too chicken to confess our feelings is after we've had a few drinks... and we did. after everyone had left, he and i remained. We hooked up (and after talking about it the next day, neither of us regret it at all...) and spent the night together... - So, the next day I saw him while visiting a friend of ours. When we left, as I was walking to my car, he grabbed my hand to pull me next to him and kissed me.... Sounds great, yes? Finally after all this time, and after only being able to admit feelings for one another when intoxicated, i get a kiss from him when we're both sober... ... but now, one day later - i find myself overanalyzing it all, trying to figure out what's going on in his head. I know i'd really like to date him, but i don't want to be pushy. but i also want to know if he'd be interested.... So, i guess my real question is, how does one make the transition from friends (but never really close friends...) to a relationship, if that is in fact what he wants... Link to post Share on other sites
disconcertainly Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 Well it just happens. How far apart are the schools you go to? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kara03 Posted October 20, 2004 Author Share Posted October 20, 2004 he goes to school at home, while i'm out of state. I'm only 2 hours away - for now. Next semester he's transferring, so when I'm at school I'll be 3 hours away -> but just an hour and a half when i'm home. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 I think girls are the only ones that actually need to make a transition from "friend" to "lover". I would bet good money that the guy has always wanted you and is stoked you guys finally hooked up. You probably want to refrain from professing your undying love for him and listing potential baby names, but I'm guessing he'd be up for grabbing a drink or two if you asked him. Link to post Share on other sites
disconcertainly Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 Well long distance relationships can work. I live 2 hours from my boyfriend but we spend every weekend together. You both need to talk about it. Long Distance relationships are very hard work. Both parties have to be willing to work very very hard. The first thing you need to do is talk to him and find out exactly where he stand on the subject. If I may when you say hooked up mean all the way? B/c I have other thoughts if it was all the way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kara03 Posted October 20, 2004 Author Share Posted October 20, 2004 oh yes, no professing of undying love coming from me. lol - i may be a little worked up trying to figure all this out, but when it comes to talking to him, i'm sure i'd just clam right up. And yes, disconcertainly, when i said hooked up, i meant all the way. (and a note: normally i would never do this, but i don't condone those who do... it's just not like me to do something like that) But, on another note, as far as I'm concerned - I know i can do the long distance thing, been there done that. I just don't know if it's even possible to really start a relationship being long distance... Although, when i'm home again on a break, it'll be for almost a month... then it might be a pretty good time to start one, that is if i can find out if he's interested. sheesh, i'm such a girl about this Link to post Share on other sites
Author kara03 Posted October 22, 2004 Author Share Posted October 22, 2004 ok, well just talked to him tonight... perhaps asked about the state of our current "friendship/relationship".... and he thinks it'd be best if we just left things the way they are.... as friends.... what the heck does it all mean now.... Link to post Share on other sites
disconcertainly Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 Ok. Well you should not have went all the way with him. If I were you I would not give him the time of day. What that means is that he does not want to be in a relationship but wants the every now and then feeling of the relationship if you know what I mean. Don't call him, Don't answer his calls for a while and let him leave you voice mail. If I were you I would just move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kara03 Posted October 22, 2004 Author Share Posted October 22, 2004 you know, i don't think it's for anyone at all to judge the fact that i went all the way with him. i certainely don't regret... although i'm sure many of you may think i should. he and i are both consenting adults - granted it won't be happening again unless we end up in a relationship, but i still stick by my decision and i'd appreciate it if i didn't receive any negative comments about my choices concerning that..... because, that is not the issue at hand. the issue at hand is that, while all logical signs pointed to yeah, he wanted to date me... in reality he's too chicken to do anything about it, and i know it's because he's afraid of ruining our friendship....and i guess that i just don't get that because i'm willing to put it all on the liine. Link to post Share on other sites
disconcertainly Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 I was not trying to judge you. I certainly did not mean to come off that way. I just think that you maybe should have waited a little later into the realationship b/c it seems like he is typical guy. I am very sorry and maybe i did not word it correctly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kara03 Posted October 22, 2004 Author Share Posted October 22, 2004 no problem... and under any normal circumstance i definitely would've waited, but like i said, what's done is done, i suppose.... and the thing is i know he's not a typical guy, at least in the sense that he definitely doesn't sleep around. both of us, with the exception of the other night, have always held to the belief that you should be in a serious relationship with someone before sleeping with them. so, both of us made a mistake in that sense... i guess i just read him wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
disconcertainly Posted October 23, 2004 Share Posted October 23, 2004 I don't think you read him wrong. I think that he thought thats what he wanted at the time...but as with most guys ....when it comes to a relationship they go running and screaming in the other direction. He just wants it both Ithink freedom with out attachment. I hope that makes sense to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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