He said "I'm not sure about continuing our relationship the way it is..."

[ConfusedHere1]

Hi there.

 

First post in here - I'm hoping this doesn't get deleted, as I'd appreciate any/all perspectives on the issue. (Sorry for the length - I just want to have all the info out there).

 

So, me (25-years old) and my boyfriend (28-years-old) have been dating about 7 or 8 months now (we're not exactly sure when our "friendship" became "exclusive relationship" - it happened pretty organically). We are leaving Friday morning to go on a week-long vacation with his family.

 

My boyfriend has accepted a job in a city that's a little over 2 hours drive from where we both live now (we don't live together). I was happy for him to get a job he is sure to like better than his current job (I even helped him with his resume and cover letter), and we talked a few weeks ago about how I was willing to move down to that city as well (still living separately) so we could continue our relationship. I told him I didn't think I could handle a LDR and my job allows me to work wherever, so it wasn't a huge deal for me to move on my end. I was excited about moving to this new city (our state capital, actually) and starting fresh with him. I thought we were both on the same page with this until last weekend.

 

I had mentioned something about moving and he said we should discuss it. He asked if he was the reason I was moving down, and I said, "Yes." I don't really have any other inclination to move there, except to be with him. I don't know anyone else down there and my job is remote, so it's not like I can physically hang out with my coworkers after work.

 

He said he wasn't sure if he wanted to continue our relationship as it is once he moves down there. He said he wanted to "get away" from everything up here that is "holding him back" from reaching his goals. He said he wanted to focus on himself for awhile, and if I was moving down there with expectations of seeing him multiple times per week (we currently only see each other once or twice a week on average here) then I would be disappointed, because he couldn't promise me that. He said he didn't want me to get upset if we didn't hang out for a couple of weeks at a time.

 

He said he thought he was "falling in love" with me, but that he isn't sure about continuing our relationship the way that it is now. He said if we had been dating for a longer period of time, that he might be more able to commit to any kind of long-term relationship, but at this point, he is undecided.

 

He said this vacation we are going on will be good for us to decide what to do (and spend more time together), and additionally, he would already have a couple of months down there on his own before my lease here is up for me to move down.

 

He said his "best case scenario" would be if I were moving down there for my "own reasons", without any expectations of our relationship, and pretty much we could hang out when it was convenient for him.

 

He said even if we don't work out, he always wants me in his life because I'm "the most interesting person he knows."

 

He said he really didn't even want to have this talk yet, because it may not even matter if he moves down there and decides he misses me too much and decides he wants me to move down so we could continue our relationship.

 

Guys, I am confused and heartbroken. What's worse is that he doesn't understand why. He said it "doesn't affect our current relationship", whereas I think it most certainly does, if we aren't even on the same page about "us."

 

Does anyone have any insight into this situation? Is it not possible to continue a relationship while still pursuing your own goals, professional or otherwise?

 

Any help/advice/comments would be EXTREMELY appreciated.

 

Thanks!

 

TL;DR: BF is moving a couple of hours away for a job, I originally planned to move to the same area as him to continue our relationship, now he doesn't know if it's the best idea for me to move because he is not as sure of our relationship as I am.

[Gloria25]

I'm sorry to hear that, but I think he's using his goals/job/etc. as an excuse to say he no longer wants to be with you...

[Enema]

He's too weak to break up with you.

 

He wants you to be the "bad guy" and break up with him.

[whichwayisup]

He said his "best case scenario" would be if I were moving down there for my "own reasons", without any expectations of our relationship, and pretty much we could hang out when it was convenient for him.

After reading this, and what else he's told you, end it. He said he wants to go away and start over, get away from everything that is holding him back in life. He's honest, but at the same time, that's insulting to hear.

 

If he was totally in love, he'd ask you to move with him. he isn't sure, so don't go and change your life for him.

 

Later if things change and he misses you, wants you, he'll do everything he can to woo you back... Seems right now he wants freedom and no commitment/no strings attached.