Girlfriend feels numb; how to bring back the trust?

[johndoe13]

Hi everyone,

 

I breached my girlfriends trust by snooping in her phone, emails and facebook a while back. I found things from her past I did not like at all (lied about things of her past, dating multiple men casually before me and sleeping with a married guy just before meeting me). I asked her questions about her past where she felt cornered; told me the truth but left out the married guy...I had been even more ackward after I saw that info and that she denied it.

 

I decided to tell her that I have been snooping in her stuff for a while e-mail, facebook and phone that I was tired of hiding stuff from her.

 

Bottom line at the time she did not react harsly; but now she is distant. She told me that she needed me in getting through this and that she felt numb...but she did not want to feel that way. She says she wants to work things out.

 

Help! What can I do to make her trust me again.

[iiiii]

Wow, lots of problems there.

 

Sounds like she isn't trustworthy, and neither are you.

[mammasita]

One rule of snooping - Be ready to walk out the door because the trust is gone. You snooped because you obviously didn't trust her. She blatantly lied in response to your inquiries after you snooped.

 

So, why do you want to fix this?

[LustAppeal]

You had trust issues and snooped... Times that by two and now think about how she feels.

 

What you can do... Admit it was wrong, don't bag for her trust back, try to insure her you'll never do it again, and most importantly GET OVER YOUR TRUST ISSUES and show you trust her.

 

As for her past, consider it your punishment. We all have baggage.

[kjohn]

If there's one thing I've learned it is that if you go looking for trouble you are sure to find it…and you'll need to be prepared to deal with it.

 

You obviously didn't trust her or you would not have snooped.

 

Yes, it was wrong of you to snoop and it's good that you confessed and owned up to your part in this.

 

That being said…what you discovered about her is more than a little unsettling. She lied to you about her past and she slept with a married man.

 

Is that the kind of person you want to be with? Yes, people make mistakes. People do things they are not proud of and everyone has baggage from their past, but you have to ask yourself if you think that she is now the kind of person you want to be with.

 

Frankly, the way that you describe her behavior after your confession makes it sound to me that she is being manipulative. Saying "I need you to get me through this" and being distant. Sounds like she knows she screwed up and she is worried that you are going to leave her based on what you discovered so she is trying to turn the tables and focus on your wrongdoing so that her lies and deceptive behavior all fade away into the sunset.

 

Classic deflecting.

 

Be careful.

[Always Pondering]

It seems she lied to you and also has avoided talking about the married man, I'd be worried about her honesty but it all depends.

 

No offense but you must have not even trusted her in the first place if you snooped through not one, but three different things of her life. I don't know if it stems from dishonesty somewhere in the relationship or your insecurities or whichever reason but I can guarantee you that when you perform this kind of behavior it doesn't do you much good.

 

One of my friends was in a relationship where he snooped through his girlfriend's (ex now) phone and Facebook, and it was obvious that disaster was inevitable. I didn't know when they would break up but sure enough they did as expected.

 

As the other posters have said, work on your trust issues otherwise your relationship will just crash and tumble down way worse than you would ever have expected it to.