Teknoe Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 ... and I'm getting the usual family drill of "Girlfriend yet?" and yadda yadda. I say not right now, but in honesty, I think I enjoy being single and actually could see myself being single for the rest of my life. Being 30, I also find my privacy to be something I value. Whereas 5 years ago I was 25, I had a little more energy and was generally more optimistic about things. Today, at 30, I like being to myself, and enjoy this quiet homebody lifestyle. It's just who I am. Well, problem is, the older you get, the more your family thinks something is wrong with you. And now that my younger cousins are starting to marry, and soon have kids, I feel like in a way they have 'passed me by'... which is a feeling I absolutely hate but my mom brings it up a lot. I guess that's another reason why I hate getting older. You can't just live your quiet life privately into your 30s. With weddings and families, it's like they want to know what you're doing. And for me, admittedly, it's a rather boring lifestyle. But I like it! I basically work, go home, watch sports and relax. Repeat. I actually find too that I like being alone, depending on the company. If it's someone I gel and click with, I don't mind being in the same room with them, hanging out. But if it's a casual relationship, I don't like being around them and would rather just be alone surfing the internet or something else, ya know? Anyway, it recently kinda hit me that I'm going down the path of someone who doesn't take your typical girlfriend->wife->father route. Growing up, part of me dreamt of that, but these days it's whatever, I like being alone. But I do wonder what it will be like in 10 years when I'm 40... IF I'm still single and living this lifestyle what it would be like to have younger cousins with 9 year old kids. It's hard to explain, but hopefully someone out there gets what I'm trying to express. I also recently went cold turkey on FB... still, I haven't checked it in months now, and am considering freezing it as I just am not the same person as I was, say, in 2011 or even 2012 (which isn't that terribly long ago). I find now I just like my privacy and my PAQ (peace and quiet). For years I have crushed on a girl and chased... but for the first time in my life, since my last rejection, I feel peaceful and like... now is not the time to do anything on that front. As far as pursuing is concerned. It just gets tougher the older you get, you know? When you're 25, people (and yourself really) just chalk it up to being oh I got lots of time. When you're 30, reality starts to really set in. I just might never be the family man I thought I would one day become. And honestly, I'm OK with that. Just dislike the feeling of being left behind or how my family may perceive it. It goes back to my issues with being overly concerned about how others view me.
AnneT1985 Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 Good for you with being comfortable with yourself and values. As for others perceptions- you just can't control that. Even if you had a GF, got married, parented...people will say all kinds of things it's unbelievable. I remember after my child was born people would almost immediately ask WHEN the next one was coming! Don't worry about them. Bask in your peace and I wish you the best! xx
Radu Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 ... and I'm getting the usual family drill of "Girlfriend yet?" and yadda yadda. I say not right now, but in honesty, I think I enjoy being single and actually could see myself being single for the rest of my life. Being 30, I also find my privacy to be something I value. Whereas 5 years ago I was 25, I had a little more energy and was generally more optimistic about things. Today, at 30, I like being to myself, and enjoy this quiet homebody lifestyle. It's just who I am. Well, problem is, the older you get, the more your family thinks something is wrong with you. And now that my younger cousins are starting to marry, and soon have kids, I feel like in a way they have 'passed me by'... which is a feeling I absolutely hate but my mom brings it up a lot. I guess that's another reason why I hate getting older. You can't just live your quiet life privately into your 30s. With weddings and families, it's like they want to know what you're doing. And for me, admittedly, it's a rather boring lifestyle. But I like it! I basically work, go home, watch sports and relax. Repeat. I actually find too that I like being alone, depending on the company. If it's someone I gel and click with, I don't mind being in the same room with them, hanging out. But if it's a casual relationship, I don't like being around them and would rather just be alone surfing the internet or something else, ya know? They started harassing me when i was about 25, and i eventually said that i like boys, that i plan to be alone till 40+ or that there was something horribly wrong with me. I can only imagine all the conflicting information that went to them one after the other. Anyway, it recently kinda hit me that I'm going down the path of someone who doesn't take your typical girlfriend->wife->father route. Growing up, part of me dreamt of that, but these days it's whatever, I like being alone. But I do wonder what it will be like in 10 years when I'm 40... IF I'm still single and living this lifestyle what it would be like to have younger cousins with 9 year old kids. It's hard to explain, but hopefully someone out there gets what I'm trying to express. I have ppl i went to college with with 9yr old kids and some of my HS class now have teenagers. I've always been a bit different [hence my responses to them above], so it bothers me less now. I also recently went cold turkey on FB... still, I haven't checked it in months now, and am considering freezing it as I just am not the same person as I was, say, in 2011 or even 2012 (which isn't that terribly long ago). I find now I just like my privacy and my PAQ (peace and quiet). For years I have crushed on a girl and chased... but for the first time in my life, since my last rejection, I feel peaceful and like... now is not the time to do anything on that front. As far as pursuing is concerned. It just gets tougher the older you get, you know? Actually it gets easier the older you get [at least for me], which is the problem. I'm 31, most of the women of my generation are either married, divorced or single and looking to get married; very few are single and ok with it. If they want a family [and they don't have one], their timeframe is less than what they had in their early to mid 20's. In a way it made me feel like a loser, because i get more attention as a result of diminished prospects. Because of bad choices in my 20's, i doubt i will settle down untill my late 30's though [i'm just happy i'm a guy]. When you're 25, people (and yourself really) just chalk it up to being oh I got lots of time. When you're 30, reality starts to really set in. It sure does, for me it started when i go to 30, and had grey hairs [a few]. I just might never be the family man I thought I would one day become. And honestly, I'm OK with that. Just dislike the feeling of being left behind or how my family may perceive it. It goes back to my issues with being overly concerned about how others view me. It's very good that you are aware of the problem, of your need to fit in. Work on that, learn to care less, do your thing. Solve that and you will offer a much better deal to a prospective partner, one that many will envy. 1
Els Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 Oh, Teknoe. It never ends, trust me. When you get a gf, they ask you, "When are you getting married??" When you get married, they ask you, "When are you having kids?" When you get a kid, they ask you, "When is your next one?"... Seen it all happen in family reunions. Nobody is spared. Don't worry about it. On another note, how are your plans for moving out of your parents' house going? I recall you saying some time ago that you were going to give yourself a year and then definitely move out? 3
iris219 Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 I just might never be the family man I thought I would one day become. And honestly, I'm OK with that. Just dislike the feeling of being left behind or how my family may perceive it. It goes back to my issues with being overly concerned about how others view me.[/left] Let me ask you, are you honestly Ok with being single? Is it really only the social pressure that is bothering you? I have to question this because people who choose to live a certain way, especially a way that deviates from the norm, are usually pretty assertive about their right to live that way. This makes me think that it's not just the social pressure but something you want to and you aren't fine with being single. Moving out will help. It will help you meet someone and it will help in that you will be around your family less so you won't have to hear those comments from them. Moving out will be a good first step to becoming independent, even if you decide dating isn't a priority. It will make you feel better about yourself and less likely to care what people say about you. I was single for years, from about 29-34 (and before that was in a relationship that wasn't a real relationship). If I lived at home during that time and had see my mother everyday, I would have went crazy! 2
Author Teknoe Posted May 21, 2014 Author Posted May 21, 2014 On another note, how are your plans for moving out of your parents' house going? I recall you saying some time ago that you were going to give yourself a year and then definitely move out? It's going slowly. I signed my contract to work another year in this state, but after that, I could see myself moving to Texas or some other cheaper to live place. My cousin just bought a 4 bedroom house in Texas for 190K. My brother essentially bought the same thing in CA for 900K. Looking at my options, I will likely have to relocate to a new state, or maybe even out of the country. I hear Taiwan you can get a place for only $500 a month. And they're always hiring teachers out there. On the bright side, I've been doing more work at home, such as cooking my own meals and learning how to cook different meals so I'm not eating the same stuff everyday and also preparing for the future when I won't be around my parents.
Targetlock Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 I know the feeling OP I look around and see what my family and friends are up to and feel left behind because of it and get often harassed by relatives about my love life. it doesn't help that I'm the oldest and all siblings are all in LTR and sometimes makes me feel awkward and slightly embarrassed, i sometime feel like this at work (only single person at the moment ) and around my friends.
Author Teknoe Posted May 21, 2014 Author Posted May 21, 2014 I know the feeling OP I look around and see what my family and friends are up to and feel left behind because of it and get often harassed by relatives about my love life. it doesn't help that I'm the oldest and all siblings are all in LTR and sometimes makes me feel awkward and slightly embarrassed, i sometime feel like this at work (only single person at the moment ) and around my friends. Sorry to hear that, man. (woman?) For me I'm fine when I'm at home alone or by myself. it's when i go to the damn gatherings that it starts to bug me. other than that, i'm usually cool with my status when i "look in the mirror late at night."
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