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Girlfriend Studying Abroad


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Hello, My girlfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for about 4 months. In about a year she wants to transfer to a college and will most likely transfer to an area around where I live (not for me, we just got lucky with similar schools we are interested in). We see each other at least once every 4 weeks or so and are together for the summer. She will be studying abroad in another country (because its required by her major) in about a year and half. I am very worried that she will end up cheating on me during the 3-4 months we are apart. I know for a fact that she finds foreigners and foreign accents/languages very attractive (its her "weakness"). She is also a very sexual person. She has stated that even not having sex for 4 weeks or so for her is really hard. She does play with herself during our relationship so that her "needs" are satisfied but she says its just not the same.

 

I've heard that A LOT of girls that study abroad end up cheating on their partners.

 

I know its weird to be thinking really far ahead in the future about all this but I just dont want to invest my feelings any further if it will mean that I will just get hurt down the road. Obviously, I'm very worried about this. I know it may seem selfish to kind of already assume she will do this to me when she hasn't done anything wrong so far. I just wanted to get some insight on the situation of having a girlfriend studying abroad and any similar experiences that some of you may have had with this. Thank you!

 

I'd also like to add that she has had a pretty "wild" past in terms of partying and hooking up with quite a few guys.

Edited by jbr91
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Ninjainpajamas

Chances are high this is not going last, LDR are extremely difficult to maintain and you don't get to really have a "relationship"...I mean how effective do you think one every 4 weeks is, let alone not seeing each other for several months.

 

Even if you love each other, it's ok to walk away from a relationship. I know that's a hard concept to understand, especially when you're young, you're supposed to "fight" for love and because you love each other it will "conquer" all.

 

But like many LDR's, in the end they buckle under the weight of the distance and even potential growth, think about it, you're still growing up, you're still exploring yourself and the world, do you really want to invest all that time and energy into maintaining a relationship and then have it go under after all that you've invested into it just because you refused to accept the inevitable?

 

I know this might sound like negative advice, but It's honestly what I think is for the best. Let her do her things overseas, a lot of couples don't make it even if one person moves to be with the other, it's just got a high risk of failure. And why put that kind of pressure and demand? keep in touch with each other, but don't be in a committed relationship, or you're just asking for trouble IMO.

 

Has it been done before? I'm sure some person out there will say it did work out, however at what cost, and how many have failed out of the minority of successes? I believe if you're meant to be you'll find your way back to each other, you'll know if you really belong together because you'll want to be together in the end even if you weren't together.

 

Otherwise, like most relationships both of you will simply move on and find someone else...it's really often enough that simple.

 

That's my advice man, you don't got to take it, but I've been in your shoes, I've done LDR a few times, I've seen other people do them, I'm 33 now and I've got a good amount of experience, and a lot of unnecessary pain came out of those situations and experiences, you can grow from anything, just make sure it's worth it...hell, even when you know it's going to fail sometimes you put yourself through it anyway, the choice is always yours.

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Hello, My girlfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for about 4 months. In about a year she wants to transfer to a college and will most likely transfer to an area around where I live (not for me, we just got lucky with similar schools we are interested in). We see each other at least once every 4 weeks or so and are together for the summer. She will be studying abroad in another country (because its required by her major) in about a year and half. I am very worried that she will end up cheating on me during the 3-4 months we are apart. I know for a fact that she finds foreigners and foreign accents/languages very attractive (its her "weakness"). She is also a very sexual person. She has stated that even not having sex for 4 weeks or so for her is really hard. She does play with herself during our relationship so that her "needs" are satisfied but she says its just not the same.

 

I've heard that A LOT of girls that study abroad end up cheating on their partners.

 

I know its weird to be thinking really far ahead in the future about all this but I just dont want to invest my feelings any further if it will mean that I will just get hurt down the road. Obviously, I'm very worried about this. I know it may seem selfish to kind of already assume she will do this to me when she hasn't done anything wrong so far. I just wanted to get some insight on the situation of having a girlfriend studying abroad and any similar experiences that some of you may have had with this. Thank you!

 

I'd also like to add that she has had a pretty "wild" past in terms of partying and hooking up with quite a few guys.

 

Yes, do expect her to cheat and sleep around galore. I do hope you have a healthy does of pain meds on hand because your heart will need them. :D

Edited by Shaun-Dro
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Yes, do expect her to cheat and sleep around galore. I do hope you have a healthy does of pain meds on hand because your heart will need them. :D

 

 

mmmm sarcasm maybe? ;) ...hopefully haha.

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Chances are high this is not going last, LDR are extremely difficult to maintain and you don't get to really have a "relationship"...I mean how effective do you think one every 4 weeks is, let alone not seeing each other for several months.

 

Even if you love each other, it's ok to walk away from a relationship. I know that's a hard concept to understand, especially when you're young, you're supposed to "fight" for love and because you love each other it will "conquer" all.

 

But like many LDR's, in the end they buckle under the weight of the distance and even potential growth, think about it, you're still growing up, you're still exploring yourself and the world, do you really want to invest all that time and energy into maintaining a relationship and then have it go under after all that you've invested into it just because you refused to accept the inevitable?

 

I know this might sound like negative advice, but It's honestly what I think is for the best. Let her do her things overseas, a lot of couples don't make it even if one person moves to be with the other, it's just got a high risk of failure. And why put that kind of pressure and demand? keep in touch with each other, but don't be in a committed relationship, or you're just asking for trouble IMO.

 

Has it been done before? I'm sure some person out there will say it did work out, however at what cost, and how many have failed out of the minority of successes? I believe if you're meant to be you'll find your way back to each other, you'll know if you really belong together because you'll want to be together in the end even if you weren't together.

 

Otherwise, like most relationships both of you will simply move on and find someone else...it's really often enough that simple.

 

That's my advice man, you don't got to take it, but I've been in your shoes, I've done LDR a few times, I've seen other people do them, I'm 33 now and I've got a good amount of experience, and a lot of unnecessary pain came out of those situations and experiences, you can grow from anything, just make sure it's worth it...hell, even when you know it's going to fail sometimes you put yourself through it anyway, the choice is always yours.

 

thanks for the response. Our relationship has been great so far. We have both been handling the LDR pretty well. Whenever we see each other, it is always a great time and although we do have our moments when its not perfect, it does seem to me that we can get past the problems and get over it very quickly. I'm not worried about the LDR part because I know that eventually we will most likely be in the same town. I'm just worried that when she transfers schools and has to go study abroad...the foreign menu...will be, how do I say this? appealing/appetizing?

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Ninjainpajamas
thanks for the response. Our relationship has been great so far. We have both been handling the LDR pretty well. Whenever we see each other, it is always a great time and although we do have our moments when its not perfect, it does seem to me that we can get past the problems and get over it very quickly. I'm not worried about the LDR part because I know that eventually we will most likely be in the same town. I'm just worried that when she transfers schools and has to go study abroad...the foreign menu...will be, how do I say this? appealing/appetizing?

 

*deep sigh* *pats you on the back*

 

Yes, it's supposed to seem perfect when you're seeing each other that rarely, I could have a thousand relationships that would out GREAT that way, but much to learn you have I can see from how you're strutting your strut.

 

Let's look past the whole LDR relationship aspect of it, even though you're going to realize the strain over time and you'll see how it works...but let's say that's not an issue right now, I mean now you're talking about trust, you essentially don't trust your GF so that's an entirely separate issue.

 

If you don't trust your relationship, because you're worried that you're partner won't be able to resist the temptation....well, you don't have much of a relationship, the question is, is that from your insecurity or from her behavior? because that's going to tell you where the problem is. Just because she's sexual doesn't mean she will cheat, but if she's always behaving inappropriately with men and has done some shady things (maybe that you don't even know about) then traveling abroad of course is high risk, it's a world away from home and you're feeling adventurous and spontaneous because you're in a new place, you're ready to have fun and if she's got a social personality I'm sure she'll do fine, plus she's a woman, male attention isn't exactly that difficult to get whereas you might have a much more difficult time depending on how handsome you are.

 

Look, chances are it's going to be a temptation for her...she's young, horny and probably attractive, do you think guys aren't going to try and plug her? of course, do you think she's not going to try and make a move on a guy she finds attractive after a few drinks and oops...penis in vagina! it just really depends on how she is, but she doesn't need to travel to cheat, and if the temptation is what you're worried about and foreign men, then like I said, the shets going to hit the fan eventually.

 

Also she might be quite "exotic" where she's going, that might increase her desirability abroad, foreigners are "different", that'll put you up 2 points in attractiveness in Los Angeles just for being from somewhere else, and the place is a melting pot and it's not even uncommon, I mean go to bar, what's more valuable, the domestic or imported beer?

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*deep sigh* *pats you on the back*

 

Yes, it's supposed to seem perfect when you're seeing each other that rarely, I could have a thousand relationships that would out GREAT that way, but much to learn you have I can see from how you're strutting your strut.

 

Let's look past the whole LDR relationship aspect of it, even though you're going to realize the strain over time and you'll see how it works...but let's say that's not an issue right now, I mean now you're talking about trust, you essentially don't trust your GF so that's an entirely separate issue.

 

If you don't trust your relationship, because you're worried that you're partner won't be able to resist the temptation....well, you don't have much of a relationship, the question is, is that from your insecurity or from her behavior? because that's going to tell you where the problem is. Just because she's sexual doesn't mean she will cheat, but if she's always behaving inappropriately with men and has done some shady things (maybe that you don't even know about) then traveling abroad of course is high risk, it's a world away from home and you're feeling adventurous and spontaneous because you're in a new place, you're ready to have fun and if she's got a social personality I'm sure she'll do fine, plus she's a woman, male attention isn't exactly that difficult to get whereas you might have a much more difficult time depending on how handsome you are.

 

Look, chances are it's going to be a temptation for her...she's young, horny and probably attractive, do you think guys aren't going to try and plug her? of course, do you think she's not going to try and make a move on a guy she finds attractive after a few drinks and oops...penis in vagina! it just really depends on how she is, but she doesn't need to travel to cheat, and if the temptation is what you're worried about and foreign men, then like I said, the shets going to hit the fan eventually.

 

Also she might be quite "exotic" where she's going, that might increase her desirability abroad, foreigners are "different", that'll put you up 2 points in attractiveness in Los Angeles just for being from somewhere else, and the place is a melting pot and it's not even uncommon, I mean go to bar, what's more valuable, the domestic or imported beer?

 

Well I dont have an issue of worrying about her cheating right now. She is asian so regardless of where she goes, she would be considered as "exotic" and not common. Another foreign country would probably see her just like she is seen in the U.S., in terms of her physical look.

 

Like I said, the main thing that i'm just worried about is her whole attractiveness to foreign guys as well as her having a high libido. I guess you dont know what could happen down the road unless you keep walking that path. I just dont know how often relationships last when it comes to having a girlfriend study abroad.

 

 

On a side note: I've had a serious relationship before for 2 years, we talked about marriage, kids. It didnt work out. I know full well how you have the whole honey moon period and how a lot of people perceive relationships as always needing to be great. Even with this girl, we have had not so perfect times but we seem to deal with it a lot better than how I did with my previous relationship (even at the beginning).

Edited by jbr91
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Given this study abroad event is not going to happen for another 1.5 yrs I think you are getting a little far ahead of yourself. I don't see how you can fully relax and enjoy your relationship if you have this turning in your mind for the next 2 yrs. I totally get why you concerned over your gf, living overseas given what you wrote about her. Pretty much all the women I've known had sex when they went os. The excitement of a new adventure, the yolo spirit, lots of attention because they are different, no one's going to know, etc. To be fair, she also has to trust you, while she is away, plus you are already in a LDR so you are going on faith now.

 

LDRs are tough, and heartbreak comes with relationships, a lot of which are going to be just transitory, and they will still give you good memories and someone new to fall in love with when its over. The thing is she could go and promise you she will be faithful and tell you she was when she gets back. How are you going to know? Even if she didn't go overseas she could still cheat now or at some time in your future. Nothing certain, but want to cut off a great STR - possible LTR relationship over a what if. Sounds like you would prefer that. I agree with NP, just enjoy it for what you have right now...though once a month get together is hardly an ideal relationship to start with.

Edited by ascendotum
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Given this study abroad event is not going to happen for another 1.5 yrs I think you are getting a little far ahead of yourself. I don't see how you can fully relax and enjoy your relationship if you have this turning in your mind for the next 2 yrs. I totally get why you concerned over your gf, living overseas given what you wrote about her. Pretty much all the women I've known had sex when they went os. The excitement of a new adventure, the yolo spirit, lots of attention because they are different, no one's going to know, etc. To be fair, she also has to trust you, while she is away, plus you are already in a LDR so you are going on faith now.

 

LDRs are tough, and heartbreak comes with relationships, a lot of which are going to be just transitory, and they will still give you good memories and someone new to fall in love with when its over. The thing is she could go and promise you she will be faithful and tell you she was when she gets back. How are you going to know? Even if she didn't go overseas she could still cheat now or at some time in your future. Nothing certain, but want to cut off a great STR - possible LTR relationship over a what if. Sounds like you would prefer that. I agree with NP, just enjoy it for what you have right now...though once a month get together is hardly an ideal relationship to start with.

 

 

Were all those girls that hooked up with guys when you went overseas already in a relationship or were they single? Did most of the girls that were in a relationship do this?

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LDRs are hard, but not usually for the reasons you mention. IMO, if you are this concerned about her cheating on you and can't trust her not to, I don't see the point in making all that investment of time and effort.

 

For the record, I'm a woman, and was in a LDR in my last 2 years of college (we reunited after college and have been together since). There was no talk or worry of me cheating. And I did not. Not all women just want to screw the nearest available male.

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Were all those girls that hooked up with guys when you went overseas already in a relationship or were they single? Did most of the girls that were in a relationship do this?

 

To be fair, the majority were single (but some it was a bit out of character & a yolo thing), so I don't want you to assume they all cheat. I don't know that many women who went OS and left their bf/husband behind. When I traveled with my friends a couple of us slept with women on holidays who had bf or a fiance back home in UK/US.

One I woman I knew through a friend would go OS to compete in sport events and would get freaky with other athletes (she loved foreign guys + muscles). From what I knew sometimes she would break up with her bf before going, sometimes just have a break due to 'pressure of competition', and one time not. This is just one woman though.

If I had a horny, former wild girl, who 'just lurves foreign men' girlfriend, I would worry she would be tempted when going out socializing/drinking at night in the EU. You would not know the truth one way or the other, but you would have to have a good discussion with her beforehand, to sense her inclination. You are already in a LDR now, so you are going on faith already imo. You have to be a trusting person to do them. If you like her a lot and are fine to live with your once a month meetups, then enjoy it as long as you are happy. You might not even make it to the 1.5yr time mark to have to deal with this. If this is going to hang over you fully embracing this girl, then really you should break up at some stage soon and find a local gf.

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