TwoTowns Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 LS has been a source of tough love and support in my experience with infidelity (former WW here), so I'm hopeful for some useful feedback to pass on to my sister - whose husband and daughter-in-law are behaving inappropriately. My sister has been married for nearly 30 years, three adult children . She and her husband work together out of their home. Their son recently married and has three small children with his wife. The daughter-in-law is extremely demonstrative with EVERYONE, and is flirty by nature. I'm not sure she realizes how she comes across. My sister says that - on a daily basis - her husband and the DIL flirt with each other and have even kissed each other on the lips. They also text back and forth regularly - although the texts are not sexual in nature or otherwise blatantly inappropriate. My BIL does not hide his phone from my sister, she has complete access to it - so I don't think he is being secretive. All of this conduct is out in the open. I told my sister that her husband's conduct with their DIL is a violation of boundaries and is very disrespectful to her and to their son (DIL's husband). I think my 52-year-old brother-in-law takes it as a huge ego boost for a blonde thirty-something to be flirting with him...I can see it causing a huge divide in that entire family if it isn't nipped in the bud SOON. If this was YOUR sister, how would you advise her to deal with this? I'm so afraid that she will lose access to her son and grandchildren if she talks to her DIL and makes her angry - although somehow the DIL needs to be made aware that her conduct is inappropriate too. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Have you discussed this with your son? How does he feel about this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TwoTowns Posted March 12, 2014 Author Share Posted March 12, 2014 Have you discussed this with your son? How does he feel about this? It's not my son, it's my nephew - my sister's son. To the best of my knowledge my sister has not discussed her concerns with him. I think she has directed an angry outburst or two at her husband. The only advice I gave her at that point was that he would be more likely to hear her if she could talk to him CALMLY. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I believe your sister is making a huge mistake my not addressing this with her son. Does her son get jealous? Does the son not care? Has there been any infidelity in their relationship? Why is your sister not talking to her son about this? It does not make sense. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TwoTowns Posted March 12, 2014 Author Share Posted March 12, 2014 I believe your sister is making a huge mistake my not addressing this with her son. Does her son get jealous? Does the son not care? Has there been any infidelity in their relationship? Why is your sister not talking to her son about this? It does not make sense. I had concerns when I found out my nephew was marrying this girl. He is only 23, his wife is nine years older and has two children from two previous relationships. Together they have an infant daughter. My nephew had no serious relationships prior to this one. My sister says the DIL is very bossy and materialistic, wants alot of material things but resents it if her husband (my nephew) is away working for long hours in order to afford those material things. I live hundreds of miles away so I haven't been around often enough to see firsthand how all of this is playing out. My nephew seems devoted to his wife, and works very hard to provide for her and the three kids. I don't think it would occur to him that his dad and wife would act like this around each other - and if he's seen it happen my guess would be that he writes it off as a close family-type bond. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Before your sister talks to her son, she has to talk to her husband. It takes 2 to tango. If her husband drew clearer boundaries -- like no kissing on the lips -- this would be a lot less creepy. I admit I have flirted in a very G rated with my FIL. My husband is the spitting image of his dad; I often joke they're clones not just father & son. I'm usually more than arm's length away when I say stuff like this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fluttershy Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Before your sister talks to her son, she has to talk to her husband. It takes 2 to tango. If her husband drew clearer boundaries -- like no kissing on the lips -- this would be a lot less creepy. I admit I have flirted in a very G rated with my FIL. My husband is the spitting image of his dad; I often joke they're clones not just father & son. I'm usually more than arm's length away when I say stuff like this. The first part is what I was going to say. In this marriage her husband is the one with the responsibility to clean up his act. Going to her is like saying he isn't responsible. She needs to confront him and tell her their behaviour makes her uncomfortable and is innapropriate. How good of a husband he is will depend on his reaction. If he stops responding and gets a backbone she will start making a fool of herself. And then she cam be approached by her husband. Or even at the same time. But as far as what this wife should do is talk to her husband and draw a clear line in the sand. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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